In one of my old EQs, there was a fellow who considered himself to be fairly bright (and probably was), except he could not get along with anyone. He always had a problem with someone in the ward. He and his wife would always complain that so-and-so was taking lightly his calling, or that such-and-such a sister is not diligent enough in her VTing.

In the middle of one of our EQ lessons, this Elder gets up and leaves. He was clearly offended by something. A few minutes later, I was pulled out of the meeting to talk to someone...so we are standing in the hallway discussing our topic...

The offended Elder comes back to the EQ class, goes back in, and sits down. A few minutes later, I am still outside in the hallway and I notice the Elder get up and leave again.

This time I pull him aside and ask if everything is okay.

He proceeds to explain to me that he was offended by some of the comments made in the class. He was also upset that, as a result of these offensive comments, the Spirit "left the room." So he left the class to head over to his wife's Primary class so that he could feel the Spirit again. Once he felt it, he decided to come back to class. Unfortunately, when he came back, he noticed almost immediately that the Spirit was not there, so he left again and when I stopped him, he was headed back to Primary to find the Spirit.

For a second, I wondered whether this guy was simply in tune to the Spirit on a higher level than anything I had previously seen or heard. After a second, I came to the conclusion that this guy was just an idiot. Maybe the Spirit confirmed this to me?

Thank you for this. It truly made me laugh.

This is the sort of junk that comes from statements like "the spirit is here in the room right now." The spirit is an environmental presence, and not a link from one's heart to God.

You missed the big one which is lack of anything remotely interesting being said the vast majority of the time. This varies from ward to ward. I have been in wards full of sharp spiritual folks and talk and testimonies were frequently touching. I have also lived in places where the sophistication level is low enough that the trite regurgitations are the norm. I always bring a book to sacrament meeting as a back up plan.

I love stories like this. I need counseling.

I was actually amused at the notion of someone following the Spirit around like a groupie. So much for being omnipresent.

It reminded me of the scenes from that awful movie Twister, wherein Bill Paxtson and Helen Hunt spend the better half of their existence frantically chasing tornadoes, driving wrecklessly, cutting corners, and using high technology to map movement.

"The Spirit has been spotted...it stopped briefly at the LA Temple and headed West towards downtown.......Update...we just saw the Spirit....it avoided South Central Los Angeles and instead decided to stop to get a hot dog at Pinks....Let's move!"

I would certainly hope the Spirit would be present during the ordinance if nothing else. But clearly some pople are more adept at bringing the Spirit to a meeting than others.

I feel the spirit in sacrament meeting when the songs are being sung and during the ordinance. I should have added that. The balance of the meeting, I do maybe 10% of the time. I think it is pretty painful in my current ward. Don't misunderstand that I have a bad attitude, I really don't. I just gain little out of what is said. That is why I bring a book.

You know, Dan, I have a hard time believing that your ward is so mundane as to provide little to no spiritual nourishment 90% of the time. There are bad and boring talks, but if you're having this much difficulty so consistently, maybe you ought to look at your attitude a little more closely.

Ya, and if your prayers aren't being answered you might want to check into how you are saying your prayers and what you are asking for. If your kids are giving you trouble you might want to check into the types of TV shows they are allowed to watch. If your wife is talking about working, you might want to have her get up an hour earlier each day and read scriptures or conference talks.

Most of all, if you are paying tithing and not getting rich, you might want to check and see if you are paying a "faithful tithing."

I agree with Tex. Something is wrong with you dude.