If you stay upright, you get to softpedal until they escort you out.

Just try getting in your big ring and biggest gear, step on it with on all your might driving your legs to 120 bpm, driving with arms furiously, swearing, sweating and see what I mean. Sometimes unfortunately, they can break. And it will piss you off.

Archaea, I salute you for doing what you did. I don't think I'll ever be up for racing.

You are the man.

Ok, so you're not a story teller. Fine, I'll get it out of you some other day. If it had happened to me it would have made a 5 paragraph post, at least.

Come on, Paddy, you too can humiliate yourself in front of hundreds of fans. It takes a man of no pride to embarrass himself, and to pay for the privilege of embarrassment.

The interesting aspect of road racing is that it takes different skills than triathloning. As I'm certain everybody notes, I am a man of few to no talents athletically, but tremendous interest in sports.

Mountain Biking has even a different skillset than road racing.

Triathloning requires one to maintain a steady increasing effort, reserving sufficient effort to run hard afterwards.

Road race time trialing requires one to build to a point of no return, using one's efforts so that upon the last one Kilometer, one begins a sprint to where one literally pukes at the finish line. The effort when done properly requires to be in such a state of pain so as to render one almost wheezing at the end. It truly painful and glorious.

The road race is one of heaven's invitation to hellions. You start with varying paces, jumps and attacks, bridges, survival, difference in grades and just plain, awful pain. But if you stay with just the peloton, one feels a sense of accomplishment. The comradery, even among competitors is magnificent.

The crit is the NASCAR of road racing. Bumping and grinding, teamwork and brute force, coupled with utter flaming thighs and exhaustion. (I've not personally experienced the thrill of victory in this style, but it is fun, just crazy.)

Utah has some hairy races, mostly involving nasty climbing, as opposed to some of the rolling races of California or Arizona. Cali has some nasty climbing races as well.

The hope of attacking cycling is to develop my cycling for triathloning. It is a marvelous endeavor, and I hope some of you will join us.

It's because I'm too scared to remember the stuff, and you just hear this grunting, "uhhhh" when you ride next to me during a sprint. I try to roar, hoping to summon some last bit of energy, but alas it usually fails. However, the first time somebody hears it, it scares them, then picture a bottom bracket cracking, and you almost crapping your jersey, fearing for your life.