Let's say you're using a public
 

restroom and going number two. You see a newspaper on the floor, maybe that days WSJ, NYT or local paper. Do you pick it up and start reading?

If you're a germ freak, no. You slide it over to you with your foot and use good footwork to read it while it's on the floor.

If you're not a germ freak, pick it up and read it. You can always wash your hands twice if you're concerned about germs, but not too concerned about picking it up.

So that's what Larry Craig was up to.

:D

I hadn't thought about that. I guess one would need to be careful, eh?

For the record, I'm not a germ freak.

But if you were in the master bathroom at my house, you wouldn't need a paper because this is the view out the window when sitting:

http://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g1...DSC_0032-1.jpg

If it's on the floor, no. I'll read it but I won't touch it. If it is sitting on top of the tp dispenser, it is safe to touch.

Were you mid-log when you took that?

No, I didn't need to do the business when I took that shot. My cousin who lives in Manhattan sent me a photo of the view from her place was like, so I decided to remind her that while a view down 53rd street is very cool, she didn't get to look at this when nature called.

Talk about inspiration, eh? I'm considering a customized toilet that will play the National Anthem when you sit down. That would be cool.

I imagine you have great potential for regularity.

Yep. No need for Metamucil at my house.

Always. I will even stop at the thrifty nickel stand to bring one in to the stall with me. Mobile cougarboard is great as well during those times.

Speaking of stalls. Sam Boyd Stadium has about 150 urinals and 3 crappers. The line to crap was about 15 people long.

This one is quite easy for me.

1. I never read in the bathroom. I go to the bathroom and want to leave ASAP, even at home. I do not want to read or prolong anything while I am in there.

2. I do not use public restrooms to go #2. Not even at work. I hold it until I get home. I think I am kind of a germophobe. I also get grossed out at hair on the floor, on the countertop, in the shower, etc..

I do not go on airplanes, in airports (sorry, Senator), malls, sporting events, concerts, public parks, or anywhere else.

I have gone a few times out of emergency over the years, of course, but no cheek ever touched the surface.

So a big "no" to your question.

PS please keep this info confidential and do not reveal it at any time in the future. I know I can trust you guys.

Not even with an ass gasket?

when I take the paper into the bathroom at work, should I leave it behind in the stall for the next guy, or should I throw it away? what's your thought?

Leave it. Give the next guy the option of whether he wants to read it. Don't make the decision for him.

that's what I usually do.

If you've finished reading it, it would be a kind gesture to leave it behind for others to enjoy.

A few months ago somebody posted a link to a transcript of Richard Bushman speaking at the Pew Forum. I printed it out, it was about 20 pages, to read while I rid my body of excess solid waste. I inadvertantly left the article in the stall. A week or so later some guy started leaving Christian tracts. I wonder if it was a direct response.

What I want to know if it's ok when I'm alone in a stall and someone enters the restroom (or washroom if your are Canadian) to cough and let them know I'm there and discourage them from trying to open the stall door?

You can make a number of different noises to indicate your presence. Maybe you could sneeze.

Just a note on stalls. Europe has great stalls, walled from top to bottom and a full on door. It's like you're own little room. In my office building the handicap stall even had it's own little sink. Very nice.

Will Obama get us those kind of stalls?

a courtesy/warning flush is a good tactic.

I'd reconsider if he made this an issue.

I do not enjoy public restrooms. I dont even really like to go in at all because often when washing hands, you have to deal with no towels.

I am the guy who throws the paper towel on the floor behind the bathroom door because I do not want to touch the handle.

It should be easy. He could just tie it on to his health care bill.

In my building they also piped some kind of citrusy aerosol to address smells. Europe is so far ahead of us on stalls that it is embarrasing. It's a national disgrace.

At least we're still ahead of Asia where one needed worry about toilet seat covers.

A restroom primer for those who do not remember this one that made its way through internet circles back in the late 90s...


Work Poop

We’ve all been there but don’t like to admit it. We’ve all kicked back in our cubicles (or offices) and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn’t know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If here are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist…… can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

SAFE HAVENS: Seldom used bathrooms somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water….. often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

I don't know about that noah ... in many places in France, namely restaurants, the stalls don't even have a toilet but rather a hole and grips for your feet:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...ter_Toilet.jpg

In Bolivia, that would be the toilet of a pretty wealthy family. But they looked very similar. Except you do both, not just urinate.

I spent two years in Taiwan w/o having to use a squatter. I always had a pulse on the nearest McD's. There were a few close calls, but I always made it.

That IS the toilet -you squat like a bear in the woods ... there are also urinals in the same restroom.

myboynoah must have been living the utopian life of the upper-class French. The kind where bathrooms smell like citrus and are designed for an executive.

And yet I maintain the common touch. I have great crossover appeal.

I normally hesitate to share things of such a sensitive nature in a public place, but I don't remember the last time I went big potty in a public restroom (work, restaurant, store, etc.). I may have never done it.

Were I to do it, I would not pick up reading material, or anything else, from the floor.

Those of you that do are free to do so without my condemnation, but please wash your hands afterward.

If you and Triplet Daddy need it, there is help available to overcome your fear of public restrooms.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6128738.stm

Don't you ever go out with your kids? Three boys with small bladders--do you just send them to the bushes when nature calls?

The ddd's are GGB, but I see what you are saying.

They are being potty trained this week, actually, so thus far we have not had to deal with the scenario you described. But you raise a really good point.

Thanks. Now I will have nightmares.

This is exactly why we loved Japan. The TV was so adolescent, yet compelling.

If a pooper used the Astaire nowadays it would raise some serious eyebrows. Nope, thanks to Larry that one is off-limits.

What I hate is the squeaking TP dispenser. Nothing worse than trying to be quiet and discreet only to have the TP dispenser squeal like a stuck pig.

At previous jobs I definitely knew where the safe havens were. The downstairs bathroom by the receptionists desk was best because it was kept clean for visitors and it had 3 stalls with only 3 or 4 men working on the entire 1st floor. The upstairs bathroom also had three stalls but with 120 male programmers it was like Grand Central Station in there (although it was usually nicely stocked with newspapers and mags while the 1st floor bathroom was pretty lean on reading material).

In my current job, we only have one bathroom for the men with only one stall. I try to be the first in the morning because the cleaning crew usually does a pretty good job each night. If it ends up later in the day then I usually try to just hold it. If I'm desperate then I make a home-made ass gasket. We're not big enough yet to afford manufactured ass gaskets.

Let me add that there is nothing worse than having to go and having the bathrooms be in a high traffic area. Like say a restaurant or the receptionists desk. Especially if you spend a long time in there.