My son and school
 

My son who is a junior in high school is struggling once again. He seems to have a hard time focusing and settling in and getting the work done. I have tried everything from the hard ass route to a very kind and loving father. I'm running out of ideas and wondering if anybody here struggled terribly in high school or have children that did and what helped solve the problem.

Asking obvious questions. Is he involved in sports at school?

Does he have ADD? I was diagnosed with ADD when I was pretty young and as soon as I started taking Ritalin it really helped me focus. Or is your son just not doing well because he is to busy dicking around?

He has tried cross country, baseball, basketball and tennis. I've spent countless hours with him trying to help him but he gets into it finds that it's not coming easy to him and he quits. He needs to learn that hard work and sticking to something will lead to success but I'm having a terrible time trying to get him to realize that.

He sounds exactly like my son, only a few years older.

*Don't tell my children* but I absolutely hated school, especially elementary and Junior High. In retrospect I was bored to tears which fueled laziness. Honestly, there was very little in the curriculum that interested me or motivated me. In many ways I felt trapped, like a round peg in a square hole stuck in a vicious cycle of thought; "Man, I'm bored. Why am I doing this work; I'm not doing it very well; what does it matter any way ... man, I'm bored." In comparison I was very active in sports: baseball, football, basketball. Admittedly sports came naturally to me and I was motivated to excel.

My biggest fear for my children is that they will struggle like I did. Fortunately they've all done really well, though we have had some struggles with my oldest who just started high school. His issue is getting overwhelmed too easily. We've helped him through it and he graduated 8th grade on the honor role.

In all honesty I would ask if you really know what your son's interests are? As a boy my true interests were often misunderstood or dismissed (sob story that Mormon Red Death will tease me about). I have 4 siblings all of which excelled in school and are now respectively: a doctor, lawyer, nurse, hospital administrator. I'm an artist and I live in Canada!

I'm not suggesting you are neglecting your son, or haven't listened etc.; or even that he's an artist that is going to move to Canada :p I'm simply suggesting that maybe the current social and educational environment he is in is mostly geared to producing lawyers or doctors or businessman and perhaps your son does not see himself as one of those things ... and if he is not one of those things he likely feels there's no hope, so why bother.

*yes, I'm relying on BarbaraGordon's * shtick

Mine too. I imagine this post could come from me in a few years.

The kid wants to be a famous chef. When we went back east this summer the two places he wanted to see were Fenway Park and Bobby Fay's restaurant in New York City. I'm fine with this if I knew he would really do his best. He just needs to realize their is a huge difference in effort between having your own place and flipping burgers. Thanks for you thoughts.

We had a rule growing up in my home -- you finished what you started, especially sports. We were not permitted to quit. A lot of that had to do with the fact that my parents made sacrifices to pay for the sports but it was also to teach us about life.

Early in our marriage my wife did not agree with that philosophy. I insisted and it's one of the few battles I have won :) My children are not permitted to quit, even if I have to drag them kicking and screaming.

I agree with this approach. Much of what we do in life is going to suck....seeing things through builds character.

I do find it funny that your wife argued against teaching your kids not to quit...and then, true to form, she eventually quit! I am sure she is a hard worker, but the mental image was very simpsons-esque.