The gay rights movement has "won" in the US
 

so what is really left for the church to fight over?

Andrew Sullivan says the point of a civil rights movement is to end, because it has won.

https://www.nationalreview.com/media...ndrew-sullivan

I think the church views the situation as wanting the freedom to exclude gay persons from the church, from all their various enterprises, business, educational institutions and so forth.

Hence the doubling down against gays with church policy. But what is the point of all of this?

What is the point and benefit of fractured Mormon families that have gay members?

It still disappoints me that the apostle who has a gay brother has been part of leading the charge on this.

We can't even tell a gay Mormon why he is gay and what it means from a theological perspective.

I would love some revelation on the topic. But I fear to ask, because I sure don't want the answer to be hellfire and not compassion.

We can't? Tell him he's gay because of prenatal androgens (or lack of or whatever, can't remember which one). Prenatal androgens are a consequence of the fall.