Facebook Infidelity
 

As a fan of facebook, I am grateful to stay connected to old friends, convernts and companions from the mission, family, ect... I have heard the occational story of Facebook resulting in the reconnection of old boyfriends and girlfriends. In some cases, the rekindling of old flames. This can be problematic for individuals who are in relationships such as marriage. I never thought about it much until yesterday when I received a friend request from an exgirlfreind that I had years ago. We are both established with families (spouces and children) and their is no intention in my mind of starting a relationship. My gut reaction is to not friend her, but I also do not want to be mean to an individual that, at one time, meant a great deal to me. Ultimately, I recognized that there is not much good that can come from this, but there is the potential for a truck load of bad. Plus...the request was made on Valentines day (red flag) and I have no understanding of what is in her head. Better to let some things continue to fade into the either. I am currious of the experiences of others and if this is the kind of experience others have had to deal with and what were the decisions that were made?

What harm could ensue from a former flame hooking with you on Valentine's Day? I mean, come on, get with it, dude.

Facebook can be harmless or boring or both. However, if you use adequate safeguards, then I don't see it creating much harm.

If married or otherwise committed, then say as much. Married couples often have joint accounts or share all information equally.

About 90+% of the people I am friends with on FB friended me, and not the other way around. Perhaps even more. I'm passive about it.

I've noted that many girls over the years that I have some inclination that they were interested in me romantically.....i.e. girls whom I know/suspect to have liked me in a romantic or near-romantic way (there are not many, as you can imagine, and their taste was highly suspect) have added me on facebook.

One, people add people that they know. Thus why shouldn't they add me? Two, I think there is curiosity. As in, what's going on with this person, what's their life like? What do they look like? What do they do? In a life of choices, intersections, where a number of different paths could have been followed, there is a curiosity about what life could have been if they had taken a different path.

I suspect that they do not need to know very much. They just like having me in the hip pocket. To glance at once in a while. There are a couple of girls on FB (who added me) that I had some romantic attachment to (of the unrequited variety, as it is common knowledge that I was not good with the womenz).

I don't keep my FB account a secret. I leave it logged in, my wife probably snoops all the time. Another safeguard, if at least to preserve feelings, is to tell your spouse about it.

It sounds like you may be incapable of having a healthy distant relationship with your ex, thus you are probably making the right choice for you.

Actually, that is probably NOT true.

At least she doesn't have a sign on yours saying, "please, take him!"

I don't think it is about being capable of having a long distance relationship. The request was made on valentines day. It also is the therapist in me that is thinking about the person sending the request. Is this a moment of weekness that should not be fed into? What does reconnecting with an ex do for her and her current relationship to her husband? Just seems to be odd to get a friend request of this kind on Valentines day.

I do agree that giving you spouse access to your social networking accounts is a good idea. That is how it is with me and my wife. Secret communications with others can be the start of distrust.

You make too much of the Valentine's Day connection. You say you are both married with children, so you should know that for most mothers, Valentine's Day is far more about showing love to your children than some male, romantic, lover figure.

I agree. I am doubtful, absent other signals, that it is connected to the love interest.

I'm feeling very sorry for your husband right now.