An indictment of single LDS men
 

I was talking with a friend tonight who related some interesting information about the BYU dating scene. Since I'm old I thought I'd run some of her thoughts by the young guys here and see if they agree.

First, she's referring to the experiences of her younger sister who has just returned from BYU and was disillusioned with her experience there socially. I should preface this by saying this is an intelligent, beautiful woman who would fall into the "mainstream" category as far as activity in the church is concerned.

Apparently she felt that many men had little interest in dating. She said that many were lazy in the manner in which they asked her out when they bothered to do so. For instance, a text message versus a phone call or an in person invitation. She mentioned that in both of the wards she attended while there the bishop actually resorted to calling men into his office and asking them "do you have a date for this weekend?" If they didn't he'd pressure them to get out and ask someone by Friday.

I asked what these guys supposedly do instead of dating and was told that most of these guys would rather sit at home with their buddies and play video games. She said it was incredible how many guys she met who preferred gaming to dating. She also mentioned that the thought of a 25 year old man more interested in World of Warcraft than in his studies was quite a turn off.

If this is true then things have really changed since I was there. Beautiful girls always had options and I didn't know a normal, single guy who preferred video games to dating. I've thought that talks like Oaks' recent "get out there and date" talk were coming from left field, but perhaps there's something to them. How much truth do you recent grads think there is to her sentiments?

I'm at BYU right now I completely agree. For whatever reason, dating just doesn't happen like it ought to. The big problem is that the importance of marriage is a constant theme booming in the ears of every BYU student. As a result, even a casual first date has implications and pressures beyond and above what it ought to have. In times gone by, a date could be little more than a pleasant way to spend an evening. Not so anymore.

The fact that Elder Oaks, bishops, and others have to light the fire under the guys is not at all indicative of a fault in the leaders of the church. The sad fact of the matter is that the chore of taking the young men of the church to task has fallen upon them. We leave it to seventy year old men to tell us how to behave in social settings.

My niece just graduated and received her masters. Verrrry cute, very intelligent, and very put off by the guys at BYU.

You have reproduced her very experience verbatim as if she explained it.

I too was just speaking about this to a friend...and am amazed at how the young men at BYU would rather play video games than go out with a cutie.

I guess all the talks at General priesthood meeting are spot on...

My sister graduated from BYU and is living up in SLC right now. She is single, 30, athletic, a very talented photographer with her own photography buisness, pretty, a singer, plays the guitar, writes her own music, and a lot of fun. She has more boys that want to be climbing / ski / waterski / hiking / running / bobsledding buddies than are interested in serious dating.

She is pretty discouraged about the whole scene up there but with her buisness she really can't just up and move.

I think one of the problems up there is that there are so many girls looking for men that the guys can be lazy about their relationships and just have their harems of girls to date at their leisure.

Any of you guys up there interested??

Too much emphasis on chastity?

The normal reason for dating is the desire for physical intimacy.

If you kill that in a man, there is little reason to seek out the opposite sex.

It is indeed a tough subject. I hear all the time about these athletes at BYU getting married and yet I also hear no guys at BYU are getting married.

I will bet that young men getting married on BYU's campus far exceeds the national average for colleges.

The pressure that is being put on makes me wonder if when I jokingly call BYU's main mission as an institution is to get the youth married, maybe I am closer to the truth than I think.

On the other hand cute, talented, young ladies being discarded for video games? Well something is wrong there.

My guess: not as cute as they think they are.

My guess: their judgmental nature is a big turn-off.

My guess: they are picky, but won't admit it.

My guess: anytime a guy doesn't ask them out, it is an affront.

Too little information to determine what is going on. It is hard for me to believe dating isn't going on, as few freshman and sophomore gals, who aren't the cutest in my mind, have returned home engaged. So either we have some shotgun weddings coming up or dating's going on.

And you comment of desiring sex with its taboo at BYU will stop a lot of dating. What's a guy to do on a date if he's not humping?

In my mind there are girls worth putting the video game away, and then there are girls that are not worth putting it away.

Then there are women who think that all interests and activities of their dates should disappear when she appears. Narcissism gone amuck. I had a patient that complained bitterly about her boyfriend watching lots of sports.

It put me in an uncomfortable position, indeed.

2007: 59.7% of the males in the graduating class were married.

http://saas.byu.edu/depts/graduation/statistics.php

I read a BYU Studies article that put that same percentage at 63% in 2002. That's a small drop. Not sure it suggests that the median female will have a significantly different dating experience these days but it may suggest a slight narrowing in the distribution.