Bill Simmons
 

He can have some funny moments. But hell, if you write 1000 moments every two days, some of them are bound to be funny. It's the law of averages.

I think he worships sports and athletes too much. It's unseemly. He likely has had wet dreams about Kevin McHale.

What was that kid on Cougarboard? The one who wanted someone to pay for him to sniff jocks as a trainer because he couldn't also afford to pay for school? Oh yes, Y'zguy. I imagine Bill Simmons as Y'zguy, but with some actual intelligence.

If anything redeems Simmons, I think it's the fact that if you actually sat down with him, he would admit to being a douche bag. A douche who knows he is a douche is not as bad as douches who have no idea.

Bill needs to watch out that he doesn't get oversold. He's like the band that was really awesome when only you and your friends knew about them, and they played at the local bar. But when your friend's sister knows about them you turn on them quick. An old act that lost it's coolness when the record hit platinum, and now they are churning out Adrenalizer II.