Should I make an asshole rec league BB father of myself?
 

We signed the boys up for the local community youth basketball program, not competitive leagues, just let’s have fun type of stuff. Neither are great basketball players for their ages, but they are competent and can contribute. After the dearth of such opportunities overseas, I wanted them to experience the real game and competition.

It looks like the 12-year-old got lucky. He’s an okay shooter inside 10 feet but not a good ball handler nor does he really see the court all that well. He is still adjusting to the speed and aggressiveness of the game. Fortunately he is one of the taller boys (early growth) and has some really good ball handlers/distributors on his team. These kids could dominate the play, but more than often opt to pass to the open man. My kid plays mostly under the basket and given the tendency for 12-year-olds to surge away from the basket on defense, he is often wide open for short shots or lay-ins and the ball handlers pass to him. Very nice and quite unexpected. My son tells me yesterday one of the better boys told him at school that he’s “got game”, which has to be one of the supreme compliments one 12-year-old can give another one. Add to this that the coach is very conscious about making sure every boy plays as equal an amount of time as possible, and I don’t think this could be working out any better.

The situation for my 8-year-old looks like it may be much different. Again, he’s not the greatest talent, but well within the average for what’s out there. His first game was last night and we (his parents) didn’t come home very happy. In essence, there is a great disparity in playing time, with two boys that pretty much dominate play only coming out the last four minutes of a 36 minute game (I swear, the one kid must have gone 1 for 50). My kid, at most, saw the court for 14 minutes and wasn’t the only one short changed. I can understand the difficulties of trying to make sure every kids gets an equal chance to play, but the disparity was so wide, it was extremely frustrating. Sure it’s the first game and it’s not a pattern yet, but I feel compelled to say something to the coach, strictly in terms of playing time. I’m not that concerned about style of play (he could encourage more passing), just about time on the court. What do you all think?

I think unless the coach is abusing his kids you should be quiet.

There's nothing worse in sports in my opinion than parents of Little Leaguers who feel like it's their right to intefere and make a-holes of themselves and furthermore,,,,embarrass their children.

coach your son on talking to the coach when he has built a case for himself.

A few thoughts.

1. I think the a-hole father thing is a bit of an exaggeration. Parents are expected to care about their kids and use their influence to improve their status. Being involved in their life is not being an a-hole, whether it be school, sports, church, dance, employment, etc.

2. "Play politics". As a youth I used to play victim to the politics in sports thing and complain about how this other kid's dad is friends with the coach or gives money to the program, whatever. As an adult I realize this is how the world is run. Playing politics and forming alliances is part of the game of life. Who you know is as important as what you know. Go ahead and play politics and teach your kids it's usually better to be part of the system than fight it. Schmooze your kids' coaches. Make friends with the power brokers rather than try to compete with them. In a situation like that, you might do better hanging out at practice, offering to help out as an assistant, do your BRT'ing with the guy before you do anything else.

3. Squeaky wheel gets the grease. A coach usually knows when things aren't equitable. He already knows the parents are pissed. He probably expects calls or emails from parents. As a coach, sometimes I would play a kid more than another kid just because I knew the one kid's parents would bitch and the other one would fade in the background.

I would probably recommend waiting longer to get more data points, and in the mean time get involved as much as you can and BRT with the coach, and be ready to tactfully with no emotion have a discussion with him on playing time philosophy when the time comes. Then if it's not working and you feel like it's important, I'd turn up the heat.

I have my kids' teachers, coaches, church leaders, etc. on speed dial and constantly intervene. And despite playing an a-hole on the internet frequently, I'm known as a good guy to these people, I promise.

and now you guys know why I don't coach.

If you ever want your kids to get a fair shake in most sports, you have to step up and coach, or at least help coach. It's the reason I've been coaching little league baseball and football for 8 years. I can also say that most guys that coach really don't want to hear any bitching from parents that do nothing but sit on the sideline all year (not saying that's what you do). Offer to help with the team, make sure the coach knows that you're watching what's going on, and he'll get your kid in the game.

I was going to suggest this as well. Volunteer to be an assistant. Your son will get his fair share of time in that case.

That's a tough call. Two weeks ago I didn't play one of my younger girls in the second half of a game (we were playing for first place in the league). She ended up quiting the team. She has had plenty of playing time all year and I promised her that she would see tons of playing time the next week (two games against easy teams). No dice. She is done.

Coaches put up with more shit from parents than they deserve.

The older a kid gets the more the score begins to matter and the more winning begins to matter and most parents think their kid is the one getting the shaft.

There are times where a parent just needs to be told the truth that "your kid isn't playing as much because he/she hasn't earned or isn't good enough to be."

It's also a good opportunity to teach a kid a valuable lesson about supporting a team no matter what your role is. There will always be a kid or more that gets their feelings hurt and the parent who thinks it's their responsibility to take up their own kids cause. It's not easy and I feel bad for them, but it's an inevitable part of choosing to participate in a competitive environment.

Usually the solution is simple: Your kid isn't out there because they aren't good enough. They don't like hearing that, but the fact is sometimes the truth hurts.