The First Annual Guardy Awards
Stunning a packed Orem High Auditorium, co-hosts Ellen Degeneres and Goatnapper kicked off the first annual Guardy Awards with their interpretive dance tribute to “Mutts with Boobs”. The star studded audience wept with joy as Ellen and Goat collapsed into each other’s loving embrace.
The winners:
Ernest L. Wilkinson Memorial Award: BYU71 for his zealous defense of the honor code.
Newcomer of the Year: Mrs. Funk for her dignity and grace under fire.
Mullah Of all Mullahs (MOM): Tex
Poster of the Year: Archaea for his creativity and variety
Asshole of the Year: Rocky Balboa for his obsession with the word
Joseph F. Smith Origins of Man Award: TooBlue for his scholarly work on the evils of evolution
Women of the Year: (Tie) Barbara Gordon, Farrah Waters, SIRS and Marsupial
Best Apostate Impersonation: SeattleUte
Scholar of the Year: Solon
The Real Nobel Peace Prize: Creekster
Best Avatars: cougjunkie
Poster We Would Like to Hear More Often: ChapelHillCoug
Courage Under Fire: (Tie) Jay Santos and Woot
Eliza R. Snow Defender of the Faith Award: IndyCoug (no other nominees)
Best Director: Mike Waters for creating us all
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