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Old 12-12-2008, 08:23 PM   #4
observer
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 7
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Default My burden has been lifted

Yes, my wife and kids are going along with this decision. In fact, my wife told me that she would rather be married to a happy inactive person than to an unhappy active one.

As far as Primary goes...yes, there is very little preparation involved anymore for me. I have never been released because I have such a great love for that calling. In fact, I told my bishop that teaching those kids was the only joy I get from Church right now, and I am going to miss that more than anything else. Unfortunately, when I am so tired and stressed that I start crying for no reason during my lessons, I know I have to give it up.

One other reason for this decision is that I do not feel wanted or needed in the ward. I explained to my bishop that there are only 3 men in the ward that have spoken to me in the past 4 months. I gave him their names and told him how much I appreciate them all. I also told him how I have tried very hard to get to know people in the ward, but to no avail.

I made a plan earlier this year to get to Sacrament meeting early, look around the room, and then sit by someone I do not know and introduce myself. I have done this for quite awhile with mixed results. Well, one Sunday a few weeks back, I got to church early, and I honestly felt as if the voice of God was speaking to me telling me to go sit next to this one particular couple that I had never met. As I walked over there, I felt very close to the Lord and completely in tune with the spirit.

However, no sooner had I sat down, than this particular lady leaned forward and said, "You are going to have to move...this is where the Johnson family sits". She did not ask me to move - she told me to. Well, as emotionally fragile as I am, I nearly lost it right there. In response, I stood up and moved one row forward, but could not hide my disappointment. I am not telling you this story to garner sympathy or attention, I am simply stating that I still believe God wanted me to sit there for some reason and it really was a difficult situation for me. I don't know why God would do that, but he must have had his reasons.

The bishop was visibly upset and concerned for me, but he really showed great support and compassion for what I have been dealing with lately. I appreciate him so much for being willing to listen and not judge me for my actions. In fact, he told me how disappointed in how unfriendly this ward seems to be for so many people. He was exceptionally understanding.

Anyway, my wife and kids are extremely worried about me. They all know that I am not a happy person anymore, and know that this is the only choice I have right now. Unfortunately I cannot change the amount of stress I have with work and home, so church is what is being cut out. And like I said, I have had a much better week than I have had in several years.

Thanks for your response.
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