[All-American]

I think I have a comment or two to offer here. I hesitate to offer them because I don't suppose they compare at all with yours, but maybe you'll find it useful.

About a year or so after I got back from my mission, I found myself in a bit of a rut. The class load was piling up, there was always more work to be done, and I really wasn't having much luck finding friends in my ward. Church was a chore. It was three hours of wishing I was back home. So one week, I didn't go. I just took the week off. And it was great. So I took the next week off, too. It ended up being about three or four months of just plain old not showing up.

It WAS really nice to have that extra day off during that stretch of time. I was more relaxed and less stressed, but truth be told, I was not happy. If I felt like I didn't belong before, not going to church didn't help at all. More than that, I didn't like how I felt about myself. A wise bishop was looking out for me, got a hold of me, and cracked the whip, as it were, and that ended that little experiment-- and I'm grateful for it.

When I hear about your situation, a few things jump to mind. First and foremost is this: setting aside any discussion about the need to attend church, et cetera, you need to find some way to address that sleep disorder. I'm not at all surprised that it has taken that toll on you. I'm sure this isn't the first time you've heard it, if it has been an ongoing problem for 30 years now, but above all else, you've got to take care of your health.

Second, and along those lines, if you are forced to choose between your health and your church activity, you choose your health. To me, that seems a no-brainer.

My third point, though, is that this probably ought to be a temporary solution. If you believe that the church is true and you don't go, it probably will provide relief in the short term, but in the long run, the inconsistency between your beliefs and your actions will likely be no less a burden upon you. Make a goal for what you want to have happen, and make a plan to achieve it.

Along those lines is my fourth point. I often feel much as you do about church in general-- it is more of a drain on me than a source of strength, and sometimes, I feel like I have to give a lot more in effort than I get back in return. I've spent a lot of time in the last few years trying to figure out ways to get more out of church and shifting that balance between giving and receiving. I absolutely love teaching in the Elder's Quorum, for example, and I've tried to make it very clear to the leaders of the ward how much I would appreciate having that calling. Every time I get to teach, that hour changes from a drudgery to a thrill. I like your idea of sitting by somebody different each week; I usually just go sit in the corner, myself. I may try to do that.

Anyway, that's my humble little offering. Feel free to ignore.