Quote:
Originally Posted by DrumNFeather
I think that part of the problem or at least an aspect to consider is the confession aspect of it...and what I mean by that is (and this is just an opinion) regardless of how embarassing it might be, men confess to a man and because of that (although a bishop, stake pres etc... might not agree with the behavior) there is at least a little bit more of an understanding of the behavior from the leader.
This doesn't change the level of dissappointment or the fact that these leaders can really take a person to task who confesses a problem with pornography. To be frank, men (as leaders) can be a lot more candid with the males that come in to confess their sins than they can be with women...men can take that kind of guilt ridden beating...I don't think women can.
Whenever I've heard mention of women having similar problems, it is merely an after thought, usually presented by a female counselor from LDS social services more as information than listed as a problem. The times i've heard it, it has been said like this..."Many families are torn apart by the evils of pornography. Men who are otherwise responsible in their community and active in the church are tearing their family apart with this problem...and it's not just men, though a higher percentage are men...women share in the problem and responsibility as well."
At an adult session of stake conference last year, we had a counselor from LDS family services speak on the evils of pornography and that is about how it came out. She also, from the pulpit, told bishops that they were not being as sensitive to the needs of the sisters in the stake in regard to their husbands pornography addictions. It was very informative, but more of a lecture and some how tied in with a testimony...and again, any blame the women received was mentioned as an after thought.
I would be willing to bet (with no evidence at all to back this up) that women are more likely to confess pornography problems first to an LDS Social Services counselor before confessing to a bishop.
...just my thoughts.
|
Good thoughts. And in a more general sense, I would expect that females would be less likely to confess any sin of a sexual nature to a male leader.
And as to Indy's comment, I agree that pornography is a problem for many. But I argue that it's also a symptom of a much more complex male-female dynamic in the Church and that simply giving talks that condemn it as though it were a problem that exists in a vacuum, or lazily suggesting it is simply the result of an ill-defined "smutty world," won't help much in the aggregate.
In some sense I see the kind of easy thoughtlessness in the usual approach to condemning pornography that I see in the monthly "Do your home teaching" lecture. At some point, Church leaders should have learned that:
A. Lecturing to people and trying to make them feel guilty isn't working, hasn't worked and won't work (at least, not on this issue and not in the aggregate). In fact, it's demoralizing for many and can reinforce an assumption of all-talk and no-action.
and
B. There is a deeper difficulty that isn't being understood, much less addressed.
and
C. Most everyone seems to recognize these things, but no one's doing anything about them so the implication is that no one, including leaders, either cares or expects to make a difference.
and
D. This all fits nicely into the apocalyptic, "the world is ending and we can't do anything to improve things so why try" rhetoric that gets bandied about.
I see something of what socio-psychologists call a "bystander effect." Lots of people are standing around and shouting "Oh no! Oh no! Someone do something! Someone needs to help! Please sir, stop dying!" while the guy having the coronary dies, on the street, surrounded by people.
BTW, the fireside I'm giving on sexuality and the media is scheduled for three weeks for Sunday.