[Spaz]

I've gotta say, post #10 in that list really made me laugh.


A Pig Bus in Provo..

Posted By: UtesRus
Date: Monday 26 November 2007, at 04:29 pm
Message Rating: 72

The bus survived. A random rundown.

Utah County is ugly even in the dark, especially Lindon, did someone take an industrial poo there? BTW, WTF is Tahitian Noni? Sounds ticklish.

Dear BYU fan in the blue Hyundai who cut us off, the bus can't go faster than 30 mph up that stupid hill. Your attempt at slowing us down made you look like a tool driving 30 mph up the hill.

Dear Wyoming fan in the truck. Was that honk a supportive honk, or a GFY honk? Or were you honking at the blue Hyundai tool in front of us?

Doug Knuth is a stud for getting the Provo High parking lot for tailgating.

Doug Knuth is not a stud for making me almost pee myself because he skimped on the port-o-potties.

Mr. and Mrs. Shasta are super-studs and I will forever associate bladder relief with Eric Weddle.

Who ever added Windex with Vinegar(TM) cleaner in to their drink, I hope you're okay, it was a mistake to put it in an empty vodka bottle labeled DO NOT DRINK: WINDEX. My bad.

Dear idiot BYU fan painted head to toe in blue who decided to stop in front of the Ute tailgate lot in Provo High, get up on top of your truck and taunt the entire lot, I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU to do that in front of OUR VA tailgate lot next year.

Mrs. BYU fan to the left. A personal foul doesn't mean that the Utah player 'said a swear' to one of your players, or the Utah player said something personally insulting to your player. Your husband was royally messing with you and I didn't have the courage to throw him under the bus.

Cougar fan who threw the water bottle. Thanks, I needed that, that endzone was blazing hot.

jackrabbites. Yes, whatever you say Mr. Cougar man, you guys had a 6-1 penalty advantage in the first half.

Yes, Mr. Vendor guy, keep the change. Serious, it's called a tip.

The 4-foot long doughnut-thingies called "Cougar Tails" is just plain wrong - no wonder you people won the ice cream eat-off / pig out.

There are exactly FIVE black BYU fans.

Concession stands right next to the pisser. Brilliant. I didn't know if I was in line for a slushy or a urinal.

Kid, if you weren't so damned cute and if your mom wasn't so hot, I'd punch you right smack in your little zoob-in-training grill.

Cougar fans don't know how to do the line-up behind the pisser you're going to use protocol. So when a pisser becomes available, you get two dudes going for it with their dicks half hanging out. Zoob sword fight!

4th and 18, 60,000 prayers versus 2,192. What more can I say? We got out-prayed. Next year, I swear in all things holy I'm going to hire a Buddhist monk to bless the DBs.

Yes, I got it, you won. You can quit honking now and please stop throwing $#!+ at me from your car while you drive by. What the Hell, do you guys have like an entire grocery store in your mini-vans?

The Joe Glenn one-finger salute is very popular in Provo.

Is "F*** the Utes." HC compliant?

I guess old ladies can and do cuss. Right back at you granny biyatch!

Thanks for the help Mr. UHP BYU fan trooper stuck in traffic, I especially enjoyed your questionable use of your police car speaker to tell Ute fans to just keep walking away from your fellow cougar fans, who are throwing garbage at them from cars as they walk by. Yep! Thanks for not telling your fellow BYU fans from refraining from throwing garbage at Utah fans who are walking by. I've always wanted a half-eaten burrito smack me on the leg on the way back to my bus.

Yes, I got it, I'm short like my bus, ha ha.

"So you punched a BYU fan?"
"Yea. He was jawing at me."
"What did he say?"
"He called me Jabba."
"Oh. Then what?"
"I walked away."
"Huh."

Dear three really big Zoob polynesian dudes hanging out of a white truck who decided to DRIVE through the tailgate lot after the game (while a cop was chatting with us, nonetheless) who decided to stop and attempt to start a melee; I QUADRUPLE DOG DARE you to try to do that in OUR lot next year.

There are a lot of hot chicks who drive Hondas.

There are a lot of hot chicks who drive Hondas who like to stick their boobs out of the car when you show them beads.

Beads hitting a Honda while going 45 mph will explode all over the road.

To the Zoob guy in the Suzuki. Dude, I can't hear you yell "Go Coogers!" when your windows are rolled up. I'm assuming you yelled Go Coogers. BTW, when you yelled you spit up some of your croissanwhich on your windshield.

Final thoughts: I've been to a lot stadiums and away games, and I must admit that of all the places I've been to (and if it where not for the fact that this fan base considers themselves above this stuff) Provo is pretty average. I would rate it about a 6 in the level of post-victory harassment. These guys are tame compared to say Oklahoma fans when they're interacting with Texas fans.

Most BYU fans don't talk crap, but the ones who do are cowardly and like to throw things and run away. In that regard, it is quite amusing because when you go up to them, like when a Utah fan did to a guy who threw a half-eaten doughnut out the window at him, the fear and apologies come flowing out - however, the minute they start to drive away, they once again poke their head out the window and go "F*** you Utah!" If you attempt to this $#!+ in other places guaranteed that you'll get your ass beat because other fans are too drunk to think twice about spending the night in jail because they beat the living tar out of smack-talking-granny.

Finaly, the BYU fans who DO talk garbage (about 30 total) have a classic pencil-neck smack talk mentality about them. They'll do it when their buddies are around, but when push comes to shove they run away like a bunch of sissies. Look, I'm small and I've been punched plenty of times, if you're gonna talk $#!+ and you're small, expect to get your ass beat; besides getting your jaw wired for a couple of months is a great way to lose weight.

P.S.

There are a lot of hot chicks in Provo.

The pig bus is safely at home.

And yes, Jesus loves Austin Collie more than the rest of us.....even his teammates who made that play possible.

Next year, I'm joining The Church of Austin Collie, maybe I'll finally become magical like him.

Go Utes!