[All-American]

During the discussion on how much education a stay at home mother needs, the charge was made that the church (and particularly BYU) discourages women from obtaining education and pursuing a career to such an extent that in engaged in institutional repression.

The accusation surprised me. It's obvious that the church places the highest importance on the family and encourages as the ideal that mothers stay at home with their children. Having just graduated from BYU, however, I hadn't seen anything that suggests that as an institution, either BYU or the church did anything to discourage women whose goals varied from this ideal from pursuing their dreams. I decided I would look into it a little more by asking various women whom I know what their feelings were on this matter.

I tried to cast a fairly wide net so as to include a broader range of experiences. Some of the experiences they described were quite personal, and so I am posting this in this private forum with their names and most identification whereby they could be identified removed, but what they contributed in this little examination was of great interest. All of them have bachelor's degrees, most of them from BYU. Some are single, some are married with children. Some have just graduated, a few have been out of school for some time now. Among them are holders of master’s degrees, JDs, MDs, and PhDs. They've obtained every level of education, and as such, can be considered reasonably qualified to speak to the issue at hand.

When I posed the question to these women of whether LDS women face gender bias and discrimination, they gave me responses that were COMPLETELY contradictory. About half of them said they had NEVER-- and they used the word "Never"-- experienced anything of the sort. Some were frankly surprised that anybody would make such a claim. The other half said they had absolutely experienced gender bias and discrimination, and were wearied, troubled, and disgusted by it.

So why the discrepancy in the responses? One answer is that card carrying LDS members are hesitant to say something that might cast a negative light on the church, perhaps even to the point that they may overlook faults and flaws. Others may find this a reasonable explanation, but I for one do not. I'm not nearly bold enough to tell somebody who says that they have not faced repression that they are wrong, and that they actually had, and that they didn't recognize it because they are wearing Mormon blinders. On the other hand, I'm not going to accuse anybody who says they experienced rampant oppression that they are exaggerating. Lacking any reason to question the credibility of my respondents, my rule here is to accept what they have told me and compare it to what others have said, and treat variant testimony as an anomaly and not a fabrication.

A second reason, superior to the first, is that women who ultimately conformed to the cultural norm, got married, and stayed at home to raise children are obviously less likely to experience cultural pressure than those who do not. Most of the women with whom I spoke already had the well-ingrained desire to stay at home with their children. Any who strayed from that ideal reported having done so only after a good deal of soul-searching (though, to be fair, everybody who had anything to say on this one, whether they ultimately became stay-at-home mothers or not, tells me they put a good deal of thought into what was right for them). It comes as little surprise that those whose hopes and expectations for themselves do not oppose the cultural norm should have experienced less cultural resistance.

(I should note, however, that there are exceptions to this rule, too. There are those who pursued the highest levels of education and enjoyed a long and busy career, but say they never felt held back, and in fact were encouraged by friends, family, and priesthood leaders to pursue her education and degree.)

The main reason for the discrepancy in responses seems to be a different definition of terms. Everybody who responded noted that church teachings encourage women and men alike to obtain the highest level of education possible. Most pointed out that a higher degree of education made for a better mother. I was especially grateful to see how many recognized that education was not, as one respondent puts it, "just be used in case someone never gets married or has to get a job when a husband can't provide for the family." It was generally understood that the decision for a mother to work was not necessarily contrary to church teachings, but was a decision each family was to make for themselves, and that those who judged others for making that decision were clearly in the wrong. Those who claimed that they had never experienced gender discrimination tended to focus on those doctrinal teachings as the basis of their response. Even those who reported that they HAD experienced gender discrimination noted these church teachings. Most agreed that the church has stressed the importance of family and the home without necessarily dictating gender roles, even if it prefers a certain ideal.

It seems that gender bias is taking place not so much over the pulpit as in the foyer, the intersection of ecclesiastical and cultural institution. Those who reported that they had experienced gender discriminations based their response not so much upon the teachings of the leaders of the church, but upon the interactions they have had with other members. Respondents in pursuit of careers and higher education did not feel that the brethren disapproved of their actions, but have felt that mainstream church members, particularly in Utah, judged them for wanting a career. Those who reported feeling pressured usually absolved the church as an institution from charges of discrimination.

But even if the pressure was not "institutional", per se, it was still very much present. Some of what they told me was frankly disheartening. One woman with whom I spoke said that she could expect a lecture without fail whenever she expressed interest in pursuing her field, and that it got bad enough that she simply stopped telling people about her interests. At times, when they did receive “acceptance,” it was less in the form of genuine support as intrigued interest in the novelty. It was readily apparent that in our culture, too many women are too often made to feel that, as one person put it, “I can have goals in my life as long as I know they are actually a pipe dream.”