The Book of Zelph - Humor

[MikeWaters]

posted on CB, some of you may get a kick out of this. At first I thought it was an anti site, but it strikes me as more a humor site (and maybe a little anti throw in).

Here's some verses from the Book of Laban:

19. And it came to pass that I beheld the children throwing eggs at Lehi’s house, and I did think of my friend Nephi, and I determined that it must needs be that I should help his family

20. And I beheld the children gathering up dog waste, yea, not the yellow liquid type, but the other kind, yea, even brown dung. And the children placed the brown dog dung in a paper bag. And they deviseth a plan, yea, even an evil and cunning plan to trick Lehi and make a mockery of him. Yea, the children conspired amongst themselves to set fire unto the bag filled with dog dung, and then shall they place the bag on Lehi’s front porch. And inasmuch as the bag shall burn on Lehi’s porch, the children shall knock on Lehi’s door, and after knocking on Lehi’s door, yea, the children shall run and hide themselves amongst the bushes.

21. And when Lehi doth answer the door and doth see the burning bag, yea, he shall desire to put out the fire, even with his foot, and therefore he shall stomp on the bag with his feet, yea, even with all his might, thus getting the brown dog dung on his feet, and the children shall laugh. And this shall complete phase one of the conspiracy, after which the wicked children shall commence phase two in which, as Lehi stompeth the bag with his feet, yea, another wicked child shall knock on the back door. And after the child doth knock on the back door, yea, Lehi shall walk through the house to answer the back door, and by doing so he shall track the brown dog dung through Sariah’s clean house, and Sariah shall curse at him, yea, even a sore cursing.

22. And it came to pass that the plan was perfect but for one thing, the evil ones knoweth not that I heard their plan and was desirous to stop it. And I did taketh out my sling, and I spake out to the wicked children, saying: Whosoever amongst ye is thy leader?

23. And the tall one amongst them spake, and sayest unto me: Behold, I am he.

24. And it came to pass that I did reach to the ground and picketh up a stone and slang it, and the stone did strike the leader betwixt the legs, yeah even did it strike his precious jewels, yea, even the jewels that doth hold his precious seed.

25. And when the stone did strike the leader in his jewel sack, yea, he did fall to the ground, and grasp his jewels, and cry out in exceeding pain, and tremble in fear of me and my sling. And the leader of the wicked children did lie on the ground, for he was defeated, and in exceedingly great pain, and wherefore he began to weep.

26. And when the other children beheld that their champion was defeated, and that he was crying like unto a little girl, yea, they fled and Lehi’s family was spared.

Here's Facsimile #1:

http://www.bookofzelph.com/fac1.html

The Testimony of the 4 witnesses:

http://www.bookofzelph.com/witnesses/4.html

I guess you can actually buy a print copy:



http://www.lulu.com/content/298706

[MikeWaters]

Wikipedia article on Zelph.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zelph

[jay santos]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

posted on CB, some of you may get a kick out of this. At first I thought it was an anti site, but it strikes me as more a humor site (and maybe a little anti throw in).

Here's some verses from the Book of Laban:



Here's Facsimile #1:

http://www.bookofzelph.com/fac1.html

The Testimony of the 4 witnesses:

http://www.bookofzelph.com/witnesses/4.html

I guess you can actually buy a print copy:



http://www.lulu.com/content/298706

I saw that on CB today, and I was LOL'ing. I couldn't stop laughing in my office at work, so I had to stop reading. Great stuff. I would say it's definitely an anti site though.

[il Padrino Ute]

Anti or not, that is hilarious.