Teaching your children about homosexuality

[Levin]

A series of questions that I'd be particularly interested in hearing MikeWaters answer:

If your adolescent son comes to you and says he is attracted to other men,

(1) Will you tell him that this means he is gay?

(2) Will you encourage him to act on these sexual urges?

(3) Will you ask if he is also attracted to women?

Another question:

(1) Will you teach your kids that homosexuality is a sin and contrary to God's will?

Here are my answers:

(1) No, I wouldn't say this means he is gay. I would want to wait out the tumultuous and evanescent years of adolescence before we adopt this identity for him.

(2) No, I wouldn't encourage him to act on these sexual urges. I would ask him to lean on me for strength and support through his adolescent years.

(3) Yes, I would ask him if he is also attracted to women.

And on the other question:

(1) Yes, I will teach my children that homosexuality is contrary to God's will. And then we'll have Alan, one of my best friends who happens to be gay, over for dinner as we usually do at least once a week, call his bisexual cousin Alexandria on the phone as we often do, and send him over to play at our lesbian neighbor's house (where he often is already, and where he had his first sip of wine, thinking it was grape juice).

[CardiacCoug]

Originally Posted by Levin

A series of questions that I'd be particularly interested in hearing MikeWaters answer:

If your adolescent son comes to you and says he is attracted to other men,

(1) Will you tell him that this means he is gay?

(2) Will you encourage him to act on these sexual urges?

(3) Will you ask if he is also attracted to women?

Another question:

(1) Will you teach your kids that homosexuality is a sin and contrary to God's will?

Here are my answers:

(1) No, I wouldn't say this means he is gay. I would want to wait out the tumultuous and evanescent years of adolescence before we adopt this identity for him.

(2) No, I wouldn't encourage him to act on these sexual urges. I would ask him to lean on me for strength and support through his adolescent years.

(3) Yes, I would ask him if he is also attracted to women.

And on the other question:

(1) Yes, I will teach my children that homosexuality is contrary to God's will. And then we'll have Alan, one of my best friends who happens to be gay, over for dinner as we usually do at least once a week, call his bisexual cousin Alexandria on the phone as we often do, and send him over to play at our lesbian neighbor's house (where he often is already, and where he had his first sip of wine, thinking it was grape juice).

I agree with you on the first three questions. That would be my response, too, but maybe that reflects my inherent bigotry on this issue. Maybe those responses reflect simply the "icky" factor of homosexual sex for us straight people.

On the final question, the statement that "homosexuality is contrary to God's will" seems overly simplistic to me. Why are so many of God's children born with homosexual orientation if it is contrary to God's will? I would probably just teach my kids that for unclear reasons some people are attracted to people of both genders or of the same gender.

I would perhaps tell them (out of my bigotry?) that it seems preferable to be straight -- you can have a "normal" family and participate fully in the Church if you so choose. I would also tell them that most people don't choose their sexual orientation, so you have to deal with whatever sexual orientation you have in the best way you can.

Just a few thoughts on this issue.

[Levin]

You made me realize that I need to clarify: I will teach my kids that engaging in homosexual acts is contrary to God's will, not being a homosexual. But then why are people born with a natural desire to engage in these acts, they'll ask. And when they hit puberty, they'll realize that sexual desire is not like the natural desire to be angry, selfish, or covetous. It is on the first order with thirst and hunger. And then we'll face the unanswerable question together and have to go by faith.

[MikeWaters]

As soon as my son hits puberty, or slightly before, he's getting a subscription to Playboy. That should solve it.

[CardiacCoug]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

As soon as my son hits puberty, or slightly before, he's getting a subscription to Playboy. That should solve it.

Great idea. Maybe that explains why my parents never seemed to mind when I kept the SI Swimsuit Issue around for a few months when I was a kid.

Of course my 8-year old son is already extremely adept at surfing the internet. I'm sure he'll have no problem finding whatever he wants online no matter how hard we try to stop him a few years from now.

[Levin]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

As soon as my son hits puberty, or slightly before, he's getting a subscription to Playboy. That should solve it.

Funny, but I'm very curious how you will teach your kids about this issue, and how you would answer the above questions. Do you care to answer them?

[Colly Wolly]

Did anyone see the panda special that NBC did as part of their Olympic coverage? They showed this panda habitat, and there were a couple of pandas that were having trouble mating. They ended up showing the pandas "panda porn". There was literally a tv and speakers right outside their pen showing pandas bumping uglies.

Is this offensive and bogus?

[MikeWaters]

Originally Posted by Levin

Funny, but I'm very curious how you will teach your kids about this issue, and how you would answer the above questions. Do you care to answer them?

If my son is on this theoretical tipping point of being gay or not (assuming such a tipping point exists), I'm going to be trying to tip him towards the straight side. But I don't know if intervening would mean anything. Or what intervening would be. "Hey, chicks are hot. Trust me. It's much better with a chick, not that I have tried anything else."

Being gay is a hard life, I think, that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I know many gays are very happy, but even for those I think it was tough to get to that happy place.

Sort of like if my son wants to be a girl or thinks he is a girl (like was featured on NPR not that long ago)--I would deeply prefer that he want to be a boy.

I think in teaching about the law of chastity, I will just provide the guidelines of sex is special/sacred, to be done with one's eternal companion, i.e. the woman you choose to marry who actually says yes.

Now the more complex question is how I would instruct my son to live if he were out-and-out gay. Would I tell him to live like a monk and deny himself til he died and this would lead to his greatest happiness? Or would I just say, look this church has no place for you, it doesn't know what to do with people like you, find your own way, and be as happy as you can.

[Levin]

The last scenario is intractable. After a certain age, I don't think I would counsel much one way or the other. Mostly, I would maintain a strong emotional relationship with him. If he chose the monkish existence of full Church activity, I would try to carry the cross as much as I could with him. If he chose the life of sexual and emotional fulfillment, I would counsel him to find a committed lifelong partner. As a father, I would want them to get married, which makes me pro-gay marriage in a way.

But I'm curious how you would counsel a teenage boy who comes to you and says, "Dad, I think I'm gay." You obviously don't think there is a group of people in this world who can go either way, and so what would you say to your fourteen year old boy who says this?

[MikeWaters]

I would say "tell me more about what you mean."