Mormon Typology

[Sleeping in EQ]

The Backbencher
The Old Person Who Has Given Up On Programs (Can't hear or see subtypes are prevalent)
The Mystic (or spiritualist, as you say)
The Wannabe Evangelical
The Mom Who Has Let Herself Go
The Minivan Mom (with jogs in the morning and plastic surgery subtypes)
The About to be Translated RM (with "Can't remember native language," "Afraid to be alone," and "Not ready to date yet" subtypes)
The Long Timer Clique Members
The Guys Who Play Ball But Never Come to Sunday Meetings
The Business Person (with tycoon, multimarketing and stay at home business subtypes)
The Bored Out of Her/His Mind Teen (with chair rocking and texting subtypes)
The Family with the Seven Zombie Kids
The New Convert (Attention craving and bewildered subtypes are common)
The Lathered Horse (a 30-50 something guy who goes to all the activities, helps everybody move, and never asks for more than an "atta boy.")
The Sycophant Ladder Climber
The Walking Cliche of Unthinkingness (with Chicken Soup, Footprints, the Man and the Old Violin, the Bicycle Story, and the Stolen Lunch Subtypes)
The Blood and Thunder OT Guy
The Super-Patriot (With Arch-Republican and Libertarian Subtypes. The John Birch subtype is endangered).
The Intellectual (which has conservative, liberal, feminist, historian, scientist and other subtypes)
The Pseudo-Intellectual (who brings his copy of Day of Defense when out with the missionaries)
The Zealot (with subtypes obsessed with one or another General Authority, who police orthodoxy, who reduce any lesson to obedience, who are word of wisdom crazy, or who are flat out fundamentalists)

Please add to this list....

[Indy Coug]

The Watchtower - the one who archives every misstep, misstatement, unrighteous exercise of dominion, both real and imagined, of church members, missionaries, local authorities, general authorities, prophets and then chronicles those items ad nauseum, ad infinitum whenever and wherever they can

[il Padrino Ute]

The Foyer Dweller - The one who arrives late to Sacrament Meeting and leaves before the congregation exits the chapel.

[TripletDaddy]

Originally Posted by il Padrino Ute

The Foyer Dweller - The one who arrives late to Sacrament Meeting and leaves before the congregation exits the chapel.

I am the opposite. I engage in "Foyeurism," which is the act of talking to people in the chapel after Sacrament, and every few minutes, the cluster of people takes a few steps towards the foyer. By the time most people are in Sunday School, everyone is now in the middle of the foyeur and engaged in a rousing conversation, almost always nothing to do with Church.

The upside of foyeurism is that after about 20 minutes, there is an unspoken rule that states that nobody is bound to go to Sunday School.

Foyeurism rules.

[YOhio]

The Nursery Worker is the lady you think is new, but she's been in the ward for a couple of years stuck with the little ones.

[il Padrino Ute]

Originally Posted by TripletDaddy

I am the opposite. I engage in "Foyeurism," which is the act of talking to people in the chapel after Sacrament, and every few minutes, the cluster of people takes a few steps towards the foyer. By the time most people are in Sunday School, everyone is now in the middle of the foyeur and engaged in a rousing conversation, almost always nothing to do with Church.

The upside of foyeurism is that after about 20 minutes, there is an unspoken rule that states that nobody is bound to go to Sunday School.

Foyeurism rules.

Yes, that would be the opposite of the Foyer Dweller.

I'm a Backbencher myself.

[TripletDaddy]

Originally Posted by Sleeping in EQ

The Backbencher
The Old Person Who Has Given Up On Programs (Can't hear or see subtypes are prevalent)
The Mystic (or spiritualist, as you say)
The Wannabe Evangelical
The Mom Who Has Let Herself Go
The Minivan Mom (with jogs in the morning and plastic surgery subtypes)
The About to be Translated RM (with "Can't remember native language" and "Not ready to date yet" subtypes)
The Long Timer Clique Members
The Guys Who Play Ball But Never Come to Sunday Meetings
The Business Person (with multimarketing and stay at home business subtypes)
The Bored Out of Her/His Mind Teen (with chair rocking and texting subtypes)
The Family with the Seven Zombie Kids
The New Convert (Attention craving and bewildered subtypes are common)
The Lathered Horse (a 30-50 something guy who goes to all the activities, helps everybody move, and never asks for more than an "atta boy."
The Sycophant Ladder Climber
The Walking Cliche of Unthinkingness (with Chicken Soup, Footprints, the Man and the Old Violin, the Bicycle Story, and the Stolen Lunch Subtypes)
The Blood and Thunder OT Guy
The Super-Patriot (With Arch-Republican and Libertarian Subtypes. The John Birch subtype is endangered).
The Intellectual (which has conservative, liberal, feminist, historian, scientist and other subtypes)
The Pseudo-Intellectual (who brings his copy of Day of Defense when out with the missionaries)
The Zealot (with subtypes obsessed with one or another General Authority, who police orthodoxy, who reduce any lesson to obedience, who are word of wisdom crazy, or who are flat out fundamentalists)

Please add to this list....

The Mismatch: attractive wife/fugly guy. The Mismatch couple always gets home taught by the EQ 100% of the time and usually can be found serving in one of the made up callings, like activities committee. The Mismatch guy is often very cool, so you can't help but be happy for him. Mismatch guy is ALWAYS balding or bald.

The Freeloaders: always looking to the ward for free help....money, babysitting, cleaning their house, moving furniture, yardwork, etc. Freeloaders always have old or dirty stuff. Also, The Freeloader is NEVER a Hot Wife. It just never works that way. Freeloader can be a Pseudo Exerciser.

The Cool Old Couple: no matter how old they are, they are just really cool, nice people. Everyone in the ward likes them. At ward social events, they usually wear pants with elastic waistbands. In prior years, the Cool Old Couple could have been a Mismatch. Not uncommon to have been The Hot Wife back in the day, though.

The Jiffy Pop Mom: on Sundays, she looks good, but when you see her during the week in normal clothes, she has gained about 40 pounds. Jiffy Pop can also be a freeloader. She is almost always a Pseudo Exerciser. Can also age to become Cool Old Couple.

The Deadbeat Dad: he leaves after Sacrament meeting in a separate car, usually with a lame excuse. He also leaves meetings to talk on his cell phone. Deadbeat dad doesnt change diapers and at ward activities, he often leaves his wife's side until the activity is over. Can be a Mismatch or Child Abuser.

The Child Abusers: every Sunday, these people use their kids as an excuse to leave meetings and walk around. Every Sunday. Child Abusers are often Deadbeat Dads and the lesser half of Mismatches.

The Hot Wife: usually one half of The Mismatch. She is the one everyone wants to see playing ward basketball/volleyball, leaving the font after baptisms for the dead, going to Lake Powell in a tankini, or jumping on a trampoline at a YW activity. The Hot Wife is never a freeloader, so you have to be especially crafty at thinking up reasons to come into contact with her.

The Friends of Scouting Outcast: this is the guy that is always bugging you for a donation for Boy Scouts. he will find you after Sacrament, during Priesthood opening exercises, or....if he is good....while you are in a tree spying on the Hot Wife. For some reason, FOSO will never bother you while helping out The Freeloaders, because FOSO doesnt show up to anything. He just asks for your money.

The Pseudo Exerciser: this is the woman in the ward who is always talking about yoga, pilates, getting groups of women together to work out, etc....yet this woman is never in shape. She drinks lots of diet coke and eats fast food during the week. Pseudo Exerciser will always eat refreshments at ward activities, but she will cut the muffin or bagel in half, leaving the other half for someone else to eat.

The Building Cleanup Coordinator: this person is always an older, widowed High Priest. He serves no other function in the ward, other than to ask for volunteers to help clean up the ward building on Saturday. You will almost never see him anywhere else other than during the opening exercises of Priesthood, when he asks for help to clean the building. Building Cleanup Coordinator was often a FOSO when he was younger.

The Cheapskates: cheapskates work in pairs, almost never solo. They are the couple that are very vocal about their money woes and how they cannot afford things. They are not cheapskates because they are of modest means. They are cheapskates because their subconscious reason for being vocal is the hope that someone else pays their way. Cheapskates are often Freeloaders, Mismatches and Deadbeat Dads.

[ERCougar]

Originally Posted by TripletDaddy

leaving the font after baptisms for the dead

WOW...I can't believe you just pulled that one out. Funniest thing I've read today. (Well, except for Babs' pi joke...)

[RC Vikings]

Backbencher here.

When my son talks next month for his farewell (or whatever they call it) I will be seating in unknown territory, the benches.

[BlueHair]

Originally Posted by TripletDaddy

The Mismatch: attractive wife/fugly guy. The Mismatch couple always gets home taught by the EQ 100% of the time and usually can be found serving in one of the made up callings, like activities committee. The Mismatch guy is often very cool, so you can't help but be happy for him. Mismatch guy is ALWAYS balding or bald.

The Freeloaders: always looking to the ward for free help....money, babysitting, cleaning their house, moving furniture, yardwork, etc. Freeloaders always have old or dirty stuff. Also, The Freeloader is NEVER a Hot Wife. It just never works that way. Freeloader can be a Pseudo Exerciser.

The Cool Old Couple: no matter how old they are, they are just really cool, nice people. Everyone in the ward likes them. At ward social events, they usually wear pants with elastic waistbands. In prior years, the Cool Old Couple could have been a Mismatch. Not uncommon to have been The Hot Wife back in the day, though.

The Jiffy Pop Mom: on Sundays, she looks good, but when you see her during the week in normal clothes, she has gained about 40 pounds. Jiffy Pop can also be a freeloader. She is almost always a Pseudo Exerciser. Can also age to become Cool Old Couple.

The Deadbeat Dad: he leaves after Sacrament meeting in a separate car, usually with a lame excuse. He also leaves meetings to talk on his cell phone. Deadbeat dad doesnt change diapers and at ward activities, he often leaves his wife's side until the activity is over. Can be a Mismatch or Child Abuser.

The Child Abusers: every Sunday, these people use their kids as an excuse to leave meetings and walk around. Every Sunday. Child Abusers are often Deadbeat Dads and the lesser half of Mismatches.

The Hot Wife: usually one half of The Mismatch. She is the one everyone wants to see playing ward basketball/volleyball, leaving the font after baptisms for the dead, going to Lake Powell in a tankini, or jumping on a trampoline at a YW activity. The Hot Wife is never a freeloader, so you have to be especially crafty at thinking up reasons to come into contact with her.

The Friends of Scouting Outcast: this is the guy that is always bugging you for a donation for Boy Scouts. he will find you after Sacrament, during Priesthood opening exercises, or....if he is good....while you are in a tree spying on the Hot Wife. For some reason, FOSO will never bother you while helping out The Freeloaders, because FOSO doesnt show up to anything. He just asks for your money.

The Pseudo Exerciser: this is the woman in the ward who is always talking about yoga, pilates, getting groups of women together to work out, etc....yet this woman is never in shape. She drinks lots of diet coke and eats fast food during the week. Pseudo Exerciser will always eat refreshments at ward activities, but she will cut the muffin or bagel in half, leaving the other half for someone else to eat.

The Building Cleanup Coordinator: this person is always an older, widowed High Priest. He serves no other function in the ward, other than to ask for volunteers to help clean up the ward building on Saturday. You will almost never see him anywhere else other than during the opening exercises of Priesthood, when he asks for help to clean the building. Building Cleanup Coordinator was often a FOSO when he was younger.

The Cheapskates: cheapskates work in pairs, almost never solo. They are the couple that are very vocal about their money woes and how they cannot afford things. They are not cheapskates because they are of modest means. They are cheapskates because their subconscious reason for being vocal is the hope that someone else pays their way. Cheapskates are often Freeloaders, Mismatches and Deadbeat Dads.

Wow. You should write a book!