Why is it sometimes ok for dads to be gone so much?

[SeattleUte]

Originally Posted by Adam

But having made my brilliant post above, which I really believe and which the wives should really like too, I have to add the historical perspective.

This whole equal partner in raising the kids, dinner together around the table, throwing ball with Tommy after helping mom with the dishes, mentality is just crazy in the historical perspective.

Look at the greatest men that ever lived--did they have this ideal?

Abraham--his dad was an idolater who tried to kill him.
Joseph--dad has two wives and a bunch of kids from two concubine slaves.
Moses--raised by basically single mom in Pharaoh's harem.
Samuel--raised by Eli and his drunken sons in the temple.
Joseph Smith--dad was a drunk who couldn't provide for his family.
Joseph F. Smith--raised by a fairly rich widow
Heber J. Grant--raised by a very poor widow

President Monson's son teaches geography at BYU. He is a really good guy. He doesn't even feel like he knows his dad--none of us will be gone during out kids childhood as Pres. Monson was gone during his kids childhood. He was called as an Apostle at age 36. He was the mission president in Toronto from age 32 to 35. Before that he was a bishop (treating the calling like a full time job) and General Manager of Desert Book while finishing his MBA at BYU. None of us will approach the abandonment of family that Thomas Monson pulled off. Maybe it is no wonder that his wife is such a bitter root.

Anyway, the losers when husbands are never home are the husbands mainly. The wives suffer too of course. But I don't have much sympathy for the kids. They can choose to be great people regardless and they are not entitled.

My point is that I am all for my personal involvement in my kids lives. I want to love them and have them love me and be friends along the way. But they are not entitled to this ideal. No one is entitled to this ideal. A kind loving father present in the home is a rare historical aberration which has not been enjoyed by the vast majority of God's children.

So if anyone doesn't have this ideal, my word to them is to suck it up and drive on. Join the ranks of the other great men and women

I agree with this post by and large. No one has a perfect upbringing. One of our purposes on earth is to wound our children (that was my divorce lawyer's line, not mine). But seriously, this is a very individual, value oriented matter. That's why I was very careful to say that as a guy, the father needs to evaluate what's important to him and that he's making choices that have consequences. His kids may be fine in society's eyes, and objectively, but one thing that might happen is that he's a stranger to them or their relationship is complicated or he doesn't get as much of his personal stamp on them as he'd liked to (which is very subjective and value-oriented), or he simply regrets missing too many of those good and tender times with them as children. I'm not being judgmental of anyone. I'm just saying there are trade-offs.

I'm more talking to the guys here about making knowledgeable choices. Honestly, I think there are moms outh there who are just as happy or happiest to own the kids and have the dad be kind of an outsider.