The needs of children or the wants of adults?

[UtahDan]

I ran across the following and thought is contained an interesting argument. Too often what happens to children is about what their parents want and not what the children need. Here is one example:

"Is the same-sex family about the needs of children or the wants of adults? We can learn a lot from the world’s most famous lesbian mom: Rosie O’Donnell. In an interview on ABC’s “Primetime Live” a few years ago, Diane Sawyer asked, “Would it break your heart if he [Rosie’s 6-year-old son Parker] said, ‘I want a mommy and a daddy’?” Rosie said, “No. And he has said that.” Diane said, “He has?” Rosie answered, “Of course he has. But as I said to my son, Parker, ‘If you were to have a daddy, you wouldn’t have me as a mommy because I’m the kind of mommy who wants another mommy.’”24

Can anyone say that is a good parenting ethic? The child needs a daddy, but he is told “no” because the parent has wants, and those wants come before the child’s needs. Many people say marriage is about legal benefits and privileges — Social Security benefits and hospital visitation rights, and children should be given these benefits and protections. But little Parker has never asked, “Mama, why can’t we have all the rights and benefits and protections of marriage?”

Parker asks, “Mama, why can’t I have a daddy?” And again, the answer is you can’t have what you need because I want what I want. Why does Parker want a daddy? Not because Rosie enrolled him in a fundamentalist day school where they indoctrinated him with that idea. He’s reminded of the lack of his father all over the place. He sees it in the fact that he’s different from all the rest of the adults in his house. When he looks in the mirror, he wonders if he looks like his dad. When he bathes, physically and psychologically he’s reminded that he’s not like the women in his house. Where is this adult male who is like me, whom I can emulate, whom I can follow after?"

(Ten Persuasive Answers to the Question, “Why Not Gay Marriage?”, Glenn T. Stanton)

That last bit about the child wondering about his father just about breaks your heart. I realize that many kids grow up without a dad for reasons beyond anyone's control. Still, you have to wonder whether it is a good idea to guarantee that a child won't have a dad.