An indictment of single LDS men

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by Black Diamond Bay

I don't ask men out.

My friend says that women don't pursue, we present men with an opportunity to pursue. If it comes down to it, and we're pretty well convinced the guy is interested, but isn't asking, then we're allowed one opportunity to invite them with us to a ticketed event. If they can't pick up the pace and start asking after that they're either not interested after all, or too feminine and we don't want those men anyway.

I'm not saying you should, but in modern society it is fairly common. And decades ago it was also acceptable. Many of my dates came from gals asking me out. I doubt it would happen a second time around though.

[MikeWaters]

Originally Posted by smokymountainrain

I don't say this to brag, heck, I don't even know if it's something to be proud of, but the friend you describe sounds like my wife when she was single.

The sentence that caught my eye was the following..."the woman is so ridiculously good at this stuff that it isn't even funny"

Honestly, I don't believe it can be taught. It's as simple as having the combination of good looks and a personality conducive to getting dates. What I mean by that is this: Not only did my wife have the requisite looks (you mention prettier girls who don't date as much as your friend), but she made every guy she talked to think they were the best looking, funniest, most interesting guy in town. She was very approachable, easy to talk to and extremely friendly. Again, I'm not sure any of that can be taught. It's a personality trait and a rare one at that.

The downside of that was that she had to break the hearts of numerous guys who thought they had something with her (because of the way she made them feel) and it wasn't fun for her.

I knew a girl, and fell for her, who had this quality. When she saw you, she completely lit up. Her seeing you just made her day, and it radiated from her like the sun. It was like a drug.

The only problem was that she did this for lots of guys, and lots of guys fell for her.

She was a master. I don't think it was contrived. Maybe just a little.

[MikeWaters]

Originally Posted by Black Diamond Bay

I don't ask men out.

My friend says that women don't pursue, we present men with an opportunity to pursue. If it comes down to it, and we're pretty well convinced the guy is interested, but isn't asking, then we're allowed one opportunity to invite them with us to a ticketed event. If they can't pick up the pace and start asking after that they're either not interested after all, or too feminine and we don't want those men anyway.

That's a decent rule. A little breaking of the rules however, in certain situations, is not always bad.

[Black Diamond Bay]

Originally Posted by smokymountainrain

Honestly, I don't believe it can be taught. It's as simple as having the combination of good looks and a personality conducive to getting dates.

Depends on the girl. Most of the girls that are good at it don't know why or how it is that they get dates. They just do it. My friend is a bit more calculated about it than most women I think.

I was just with another girl out here that's also ridiculously good about getting dates, and just standing there talking to her, I realized that she's one of the girls that just can't help but be like that.

[smokymountainrain]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

I knew a girl, and fell for her, who had this quality. When she saw you, she completely lit up. Her seeing you just made her day, and it radiated from her like the sun. It was like a drug.

The only problem was that she did this for lots of guys, and lots of guys fell for her.

She was a master. I don't think it was contrived. Maybe just a little.

exactly. With my wife, it wasn't contrived - well, maybe just a little. I say maybe just a little, because there were times I know she had some fun messing with guys - but she would never hurt them intentionally. Their hurt always came when it was time to end a relationship they thought was going further than she ever intended.

It's funny because I've never met anybody like that other than Mrs SMR. Reading your words, it almost makes me think you dated my wife - but I'm fairly certain she's significantly older than you.

[ute4ever]

Originally Posted by Black Diamond Bay

I was just with another girl out here

Heh heh, heh heh....please expound on this

[Black Diamond Bay]

Anyway, my point in all of this is to say that men will date. HOWEVER, there is a whole generation of lazy men out there, because I would venture to say that 90% of the single women over 25 are pretty aggressive, and they make it so easy on the guys that they don't have to work for anything. The guys may not be dating, but they're still hooking up with girls. At the end of the day, the guy never wants the girl that didn't put up a fight...which is not to say that he won't makeout with those girls. They generally wind up with the girl that made them work for her. So the guys go to their Halo parties, hook up with the cute girl down the street later that night without taking her out, and he wasn't required to spend a dime, or waste time listening to her talk about what happened on the last episode of Grey's anatomy...and the girls wonder why he isn't asking them out.

The other thing that I think is something of an epidemic are the number of girls that treat guys they're not interested in like dirt. I know some guys that I would consider to be below average looking that have what my friend and I have termed "bitter boy syndrome." They've been turned down so much that they just don't have many nice things to say about the sisters anymore. My mom always taught me that if he can make the effort to ask me out, plan a date, and he's a good guy it's on me to accept one date with him and do my best to be open-minded about him while I'm on the date. Apparently not every mother teaches their daughters that. Every girl I know that dates a lot, also goes out with some ugly ducklings. My friend even accepted a date with a mentally handicap guy in the ward, she had to drive, and when no one would kiss him under the mistletoe at the Christmas party she took one for the team and gave him a peck.

I was dating a guy one time who I decided that I couldn't continue going out with him anymore. I was having a good time, but not really feeling it. My friend gave me a huge lecture about letting him down easy, because he'd been such a good guy, bought me flowers, gifts, we went on dates that were really well planned out, etc. She said I had to be firm about not dating anymore, but nice enough that I didn't screw him up for the next girl I dated, because she deserved to be treated as well as I was. For the record, I had no intention of being a jerk, but I'd never thought about it like that.

You will note that in Elder Oak's talk he touched on this stuff a little bit too, and in my opinion he should have lectured the women a LOT more.

[Black Diamond Bay]

Originally Posted by ute4ever

Heh heh, heh heh....please expound on this

Not in the biblical sense.

[K-dog]

Originally Posted by Black Diamond Bay

You will note that in Elder Oak's talk he touched on this stuff a little bit too, and in my opinion he should have lectured the women a LOT more.

As we all know, the brethren are often critical of the sisters...

[Goatnapper'96]

Originally Posted by K-dog

As we all know, the brethren are often critical of the sisters...

Look at all the whining that ensued when Sister Beck took it upon herself to give general counsel at General Conference. They are wise enough to stick to letters about bad men addicted to porn and the havoc that creates. Not to say that porn addictions aren't damaging....