03-05-2008, 06:03 AM | #11 | |
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But then, you ask, why doesn't the father stay at home? Well, because he too is a better parent when he's able to work (the self-confidence that comes with providing for the fam, the adult interaction, the creative productivity at work, etc.). But I also believe that children build up huge emotional reserves when they have a parent raise them full time, even if that parent gets cranky, irritable, and at times depressed from the isolation and frustrations that can come with staying at home. Which situation is better for children: (1) both parents work, both parents happy; (2) one parent works, stay-at-home parent unhappy. Perhaps you think the stay-at-home parent should just suck it up and things will get better. Let's say that parent perseveres and comes to tolerate/like being at home. What about when that parent is 60 and they get the huge ache that comes with wasted talent and unfulfilled dreams? The ache will come. Because it's so complicated is one reason why we should just support parents in their thoughtful decisions, whatever they may be. For each family, we can't know what's best. For society as a whole, we do know what's best. We teach the latter while offending the former; hence the need for extra sensitivity, kindness, and enthusiastic support at the ground level. |
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03-05-2008, 06:13 AM | #12 | |
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Is this sort of thing really a problem among Mormons? I don't think so. Sis Beckisms are what happens when stay-at-homers want to validate their decisions by attacking those who choose a different path. The whole thing is kind of silly, especially since the OVERWHELMING majority of Mormon parents are very careful to spend time with their children, and Mormon women traditionally have had less formal education. (Example: In my dad's medical school class in Utah in the 70s, there were 98 white males and 2 women. Both women were imports from out-of-state who got full scholarships in an attempt to increase diversity. Even for the 70s, this was pitiful.) Advocacy of a life path reminds me of certain people I know who went to Yale. In my experience, many of them remain huge advocates of spending a fortune for a Yale education because that's the path they chose, when they also could have obtained a great education by working hard at a good state school. Why can't the question be a matter of how the kid is being treated, rather than a question of whether mom is in the home? My mom took care of my sister's kids while my sister worked, and her kids are fantastic. My sister made a careful decision, and my mom was supportive, and everything worked out fine. Another example: Lessons about divorce at Church. In my experience, usually these lessons end up being about why it's bad to get divorced, instead of being about how to have a happy marriage. I think divorce is generally the result of an unhappy marriage, so why not talk more about ways to make marriages happier instead of about why not to get divorced. This stuff always ends up bass-ackwards in Church because people oversimplify complicated, controversial topics. One might argue that it's impossible to include all the asterisks in a talk. I'd say that if a statement requires lots of asterisks, then don't make it. All you have to do is emphasize good, general principles and allow people to govern themselves. I don't think suggesting that women must be in the home is a good general principle. I think a good general principle would be to emphasize that children must be given care, love, and attention--preferably by family members, and by parents as much as possible. Last edited by SoonerCoug; 03-05-2008 at 06:17 AM. |
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03-05-2008, 06:22 AM | #13 |
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03-05-2008, 06:23 AM | #14 |
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03-05-2008, 06:24 AM | #15 |
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03-05-2008, 06:39 AM | #16 | ||||
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My wife is an extremely talented artist. She stays home full time now, but once the kids are all in school, she will start her own business and work while the kids are in school. Last edited by NorCal Cat; 03-05-2008 at 06:41 AM. |
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03-05-2008, 07:01 AM | #17 |
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It's not just about coping, NorCal.
It's about what is best for the family overall. Just because a level-headed person can cope with staying at home for five years (if they have one child), seven years (if they have two), nine years (if they have three) . . . until all their kids are in school does not mean it is the best thing for that family in the long run. Those could be nine miserable years for the stay-at-home parent, and the parent's misery would take its unintended toll on the kids. Whereas, if the parent worked, perhaps the kids would also be better off overall. There are millions of happy, well-adjusted adults who went to day care. There are lots of emotionally beat up adults who had a depressed stay-at-home parent. In the latter situation, if the parent had worked, and would have been a happier person as a result, perhaps it would have been better for the kids in the long run. I'm sure MikeWaters could enlighten us on this, but studies (and common sense) have shown that children's emotional health is greatly affected by their parents' emotional health. If the mom is happy, the kid is happy too. My argument sounds like some sort of emotional economics; that's dumb. But I'm convinced there are some families out there where this is true. In any event, I win our little debate: your burden is to prove that all families are better off if a parent stays home until all the kids are in school. That's impossible to prove; the British had as good a chance occupying all the colonies. I only have to provide one example where a family was better off because both parents worked (or would have been better off had both parents worked). I know several such families, and I suspect you do too. Last edited by Levin; 03-05-2008 at 07:21 AM. |
03-05-2008, 07:30 AM | #18 |
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And NorCal, you say that if both parents want to work, then they shouldn't have kids.
That is ridiculous. Just a few of the many responses include: 1. I'm sure a child would rather have a life in this world with two working parents than to never have had a life at all. 2. Two working parents can still raise very good kids, so it's better for society if they had them than didn't. 3. Most importantly, why deny parents the happiness of having kids just because they both want to work? Yours is a harsh sanction. Have you ever thought of setting population control policy for the Chinese Government? I hear they're thinking of doing away with the one-child policy. Perhaps yours can take its place; it'd be much more effective. Last edited by Levin; 03-05-2008 at 07:36 AM. |
03-05-2008, 02:04 PM | #19 |
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There is a lot of wisdom in this.
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"... the arc of the universe is long but it bends toward justice." Martin Luther King, Jr. |
03-05-2008, 02:06 PM | #20 |
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