Verses that are never read over the pulpit

[UtahDan]

My two faves are from Proverbs:

Chapter 5:
18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her alove.
20 And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?

Chapter 21:
19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

Human nature doesn't change much does it.

[Sleeping in EQ]

Originally Posted by ewth8tr

Another good one is 2 Kings 2:23:24

23 ¶ And he went up from thence unto Beth-el: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

That might not be the verse to read to the primary kids (Unless, of course, you want to be released from a primary calling...)

[Sleeping in EQ]

Originally Posted by UtahDan

My two faves are from Proverbs:

Chapter 5:
18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her alove.
20 And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?

Chapter 21:
19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

Human nature doesn't change much does it.

Those are great.

Goat should put verse 19 in his signature line.

[SeattleUte]

Originally Posted by ewth8tr

Another good one is 2 Kings 2:23:24

23 ¶ And he went up from thence unto Beth-el: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

LOL. I love this one. Best so far.

[YOhio]

Originally Posted by ewth8tr

Another good one is 2 Kings 2:23:24

23 ¶ And he went up from thence unto Beth-el: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Extreme Bible Stories has an animation of this Bible story.

http://www.seanet.com/~billr/xbs/DontdisElisha.htm

A little sacreligious, but kind of funny.

[pelagius]

Originally Posted by ewth8tr

Another good one is 2 Kings 2:23:24

23 ¶ And he went up from thence unto Beth-el: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

This is a fun scripture, but it does get mentioned in church at least sometimes. Maybe not from the pulpit that often, but certainly in lessons. The OT manual last year did include 2 Kings 2 in the reading but the manual itself didn't make an explicit reference to the "she bear" incident. Of course, my whole gospel doctrine lesson revolved around those two verses. There is a pretty cool extended chiasmus involving these verses that extends from chapter 1 through the end of chapter 2. There is pretty decent BYU studies article on the passage: Woods, Fred E., 1992, ``Elisha and the Children: The Question of Accepting Prophetic Succession." On the other hand, the Wilford Woodruff manual did make an explicit reference to this scripture:

In addition to protecting the two missionaries from the Jackson County mob, the Lord protected them from other perils along the way. President Woodruff recounted one such experience. As he and his companion approached a grove of trees, a large black bear came out toward them. “We were not afraid of him,” he said, “for we were on the Lord’s business, and had not mocked God’s prophet as did the forty-two wicked children who said to Elisha ‘Go up thou bald head,’ for which they were torn by bears [see 2 Kings 2:23–24]. … When the bear got within eight rods of us [a distance of about 44 yards or 40 meters] he sat on his haunches and looked at us a moment, and then ran away; and we went on our way rejoicing.”

[Archaea]

NRSV:

He went up from there to Bethel; and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, ‘Go away, baldhead! Go away, baldhead!’ 24When he turned round and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two she-bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys

[ute4ever]

Originally Posted by YOhio

Extreme Bible Stories has an animation of this Bible story.

http://www.seanet.com/~billr/xbs/DontdisElisha.htm

A little sacreligious, but kind of funny.

Excellent.

I haven't laughed so hard in a month.

[SeattleUte]

Originally Posted by YOhio

Extreme Bible Stories has an animation of this Bible story.

http://www.seanet.com/~billr/xbs/DontdisElisha.htm

A little sacreligious, but kind of funny.

The Bible is a lot funnier, especially the KJV. Something about that word tare.