adultery in the church

[Indy Coug]

Originally Posted by SeattleUte

If this story is true (it's hard to believe), and the whole story on the divorce the wife is a complete loon. (Somebody should refer her to Waters; she needs his help and he needs the extra walking around money.) Looking at porn was the best decision this fellow ever made since it led to his liberation from this crazy woman. Stories like this lend credence to Archea's theory that LDS faith makes women cracked about sex.

I can understand that woman would feel betrayed. Undoubtedly this can lead to serious self-esteem (what's wrong with me that he had to look at porn instead?) and trust issues. Also, given the horrific stories that go around about porn addicts, both inside and outside of church, I can understand why she might have thought it was best to bail before it got worse.

I'm not saying I agree, but I can understand some of the underlying emotional and psychological issues that would lead to this kind of reaction.

[Sleeping in EQ]

Originally Posted by marsupial

Can someone explain to me how porn leads to adultery? That is, sex with a real, woman (or man) with a pulse? My guess is that plenty of the people cheating on their spouses would never consider looking at porn, but may think going out to lunch alone with a coworker of the opposite sex is harmless.

Also, I don't think that porn consumption necessarily puts you on the slippery slope to adultery.

(Reading this back to myself it sounds like I am a fan of porn. For the record, I am not. I just don't see the cause and effect link. I have always believed affairs happen when a spouse starts investing more time and energy in a "friendship" outside of the marriage.)

I'm highly suspicious of a strong link between porn and adultery. I've spent more than my share of time researching cognitive, affective, and behavioral media effects, and I just don't buy it.

I would expect that porn addiction would be more likely in someone less able to sustain an actual physical relationship. One can control the porn, need not perform for the porn, need not be able to deal with real human issues for the porn, etc. Consequently, I don't think that a spouse could fix a porn addiction by having more or wilder or whatever sex with the porn addict.

The problem isn't sex, it's that the addict prefers a mediated fantasy where s/he is in control and doesn't have to deal with a person (and therefore, with himself or herself). Sex is about intimacy (or at least shared interest). Porn is about alienation. A possible connection between porn and adultery would be someone paying for sex, as that wouldn't require a relationship either. There could be a correlation between porn addiction and prostitution.

I have next to zero experience with porn and no interest in it whatsoever. I wish others would leave it alone so I wouldn't have to hear about it so often at Church.

[RockyBalboa]

Originally Posted by ute4ever

The bishop of my singles ward 5 years ago told me it was his observation that about 25% of the ward were not virgins.

That's a low number. WAAAY too low.

His observation = naivety.

ESPECIALLY in a Singles Ward.

[RockyBalboa]

Originally Posted by SeattleUte

If this story is true (it's hard to believe), and the whole story on the divorce the wife is a complete loon. (Somebody should refer her to Waters; she needs his help and he needs the extra walking around money.) Looking at porn was the best decision this fellow ever made since it led to his liberation from this crazy woman. Stories like this lend credence to Archea's theory that LDS faith makes women cracked about sex.

In the LDS Culture stories or actual happenings like this are a lot more common than most think or want to believe.

[BigFatMeanie]

Originally Posted by Sleeping in EQ

I'm highly suspicious of a strong link between porn and adultery. I've spent more than my share of time researching cognitive, affective, and behavioral media effects, and I just don't buy it.

Ahh, I always wondered what the academic term for "looking at porn" was.

[SoonerCoug]

Has anyone else ever noticed that a person who looks at porn once or twice a month is often termed a "porn addict" in Mormon culture?

In my opinion, a porn addict is a person whose normal social interactions or work and other responsibilities are impaired because of a compulsion to look at porn daily (or almost daily).

The missionary in my mission who carried suitcase full of porn magazines with him everywhere--now that's an addict.

On a side note, my dad has been forced to fire lots of government employees in Utah who would stay late at work to look at porn, or come into work on the weekends to view porn. His workplace has a zero tolerance rule on pornography (and this rule was not made by him). Almost all of the "porn viewers" were young, married, active LDS BYU graduates with a couple of kids. Outside of Mormonism, these guys would watch porn at home. Inside Mormonism, men watch it at work in order to hide it from their wives. (I'm not saying that one scenario is better than the other. It's just an observation that may be relevant to this discussion.)

[SoCalCoug]

I know of three people who are or were in my ward in the last two years who committed adultery. Two while they were in the ward, and one who did prior to moving in. Two of these I learned of only because their spouses consulted my firm (not me) about potential divorce - the other I was consulted by an attorney friend because the other woman was considering a fraud action against the adulterer.

Given that I've learned only by virtual chance of these, I think it's highly likely there are other cases within my ward that I haven't learned of.

[Sleeping in EQ]

Originally Posted by BigFatMeanie

Ahh, I always wondered what the academic term for "looking at porn" was.

Ha!

I've looked at media effects in the famous War of the Worlds broadcast, and I've coded ads for both violence and gender stereotyping.

There are those who research porn, though.

[RC Vikings]

Originally Posted by Jeff Lebowski

I have a good friend who is a full-time therapist. He spends most of his time dealing with addictions, porn included. He says that the porn-adultery link is greatly exaggerated. It happens, but in the vast majority of cases it doesn't.

I have seen more marriages break up because of instant messenger then I have of porn. It's when you start bitching about your spouse to a person of the opposite sex that you're headed for adultery in my opinion.

I also want to make it clear that I believe porn is wrong and dangerous but I have seen more problems with the other.

[RockyBalboa]

Originally Posted by Jeff Lebowski

I have a good friend who is a full-time therapist. He spends most of his time dealing with addictions, porn included. He says that the porn-adultery link is greatly exaggerated. It happens, but in the vast majority of cases it doesn't.

I also have a good friend who is a full time therapist up here in SLC dealing with the same addictions, porn also included and his comments contradicts your friends.