Do you all ever feel shortchanged by your culture's insistence on early marriage - Page 6 - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

DrumNFeather · 07-31-2008, 04:20 PM

I got married at 26 and that was the perfect age for me. I was able to finish school and get established in a career path before my wife and I met. Having said that, while I was going through the singledom in my early 20s, I wanted to be married, but I am glad that I wasn't married any earlier than I was.

I feel like the church culture has backed off of the whole marraige thing a little bit...just in terms of forcing it down singles' throats. Maybe I just don't run in those circles anymore, but my ward was pretty good about it. Now, on a case by case basis, who knows what kind of pressures singles get from parents, friends, aunts, uncles etc.

UtahDan · 07-31-2008, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

it is his greatest fear that we will one day hear her side of the story.

I think there are people here who already know it. More I cannot say.

UtahDan · 07-31-2008, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrumNFeather

I got married at 26 and that was the perfect age for me. I was able to finish school and get established in a career path before my wife and I met. Having said that, while I was going through the singledom in my early 20s, I wanted to be married, but I am glad that I wasn't married any earlier than I was.

I feel like the church culture has backed off of the whole marraige thing a little bit...just in terms of forcing it down singles' throats. Maybe I just don't run in those circles anymore, but my ward was pretty good about it. Now, on a case by case basis, who knows what kind of pressures singles get from parents, friends, aunts, uncles etc.

You are lucky you waited. You married up.

RC Vikings · 07-31-2008, 04:28 PM

I've never meet a mullah type that was sad he married early. Most are just happy to be having sex with anybody. I honestly admire those guys that marry early, have three kids before they're 25 and have a wife that's gained about 75 pounds and still seem like they are happy because that's what they want and planned for.

SeattleUte · 07-31-2008, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TripletDaddy

Along those lines, go to any average singles ward in the Church and ask everyone to raise their hand if they are really happy being in their early 30s and unmarried.

TD, Black Diamond Bay has estimated that 80% of all married LDS males are unhappy. I consider her an unimpeachable source. Her data base seems to be incidence of married LDS males who flirt with her.

TripletDaddy · 07-31-2008, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeattleUte

TD, Black Diamond Bay has estimated that 80% of all married LDS males are unhappy. I consider her an unimpeachable source. Her data base seems to be incidence of married LDS males who flirt with her.

The ones that also post here on cougarguard?

Whoops! loose lips sink ships....

landpoke · 07-31-2008, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TripletDaddy

Incidentally, poke's question is asked in a manner that precludes giving the most important answer......love for spouse and children.

Yes it was, on purpose. I see my adult life as three distinct phases: young single/married father/crapping my pants burden to my offspring elder. It seems a lot of folks in your particular group skip a step, either voluntarily or due to cultural pressure, that is seen as vital by most in our society and I'm asking if that bothers you despite the fact that everything turned out for the best.

If you don't have regrets or feel you've missed anything then you've answered my question.

Also, if it appears I'm devaluing your decisions I apologize, I tried to keep judgment out of the process because, as I've stated multiple times, what's right for you isn't necessarily right for me.

minn_stat · 07-31-2008, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeattleUte

The reason they do it is they don't want people to have sex before they're married. It's that simple. They know the practical impossiblity of saying, "Women and men, finish your education and start a career before having kids; have a good time, date, see the world, there's no hurry, the more mature you are and the more you get out of your system the better decision you're likely to make," and saying, "If you fornicate you're going to hell."

I was married at 33 and was a virgin at the time, so it is certainly doable. I wouldn't recommend it, however. My wife was 29. I'm glad I kept holding out because my wife is so better suited for me than the other women I got serious with. But to be honest, I would have like to have had the opportunity to marry her five or six years earlier - I would have had a lot more energy to raise my children - now I'm in my mid-40s, and I have a 3 year old daughter still to raise!

I felt some pressure from church members as I got older, but only a handful of times was it bothersome.

Oh, and it was just before we got married that I decided to go back and get a PhD, so I got married late, but didn't even "finish my education".

TripletDaddy · 07-31-2008, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by landpoke

Yes it was, on purpose. I see my adult life as three distinct phases: young single/married father/crapping my pants burden to my offspring elder. It seems a lot of folks in your particular group skip a step, either voluntarily or due to cultural pressure, that is seen as vital by most in our society and I'm asking if that bothers you despite the fact that everything turned out for the best.

If you don't have regrets or feel you've missed anything then you've answered my question.

Also, if it appears I'm devaluing your decisions I apologize, I tried to keep judgment out of the process because, as I've stated multiple times, what's right for you isn't necessarily right for me.

Actually, I dont think you are doing anything wrong at all. You are asking a legitimate question and respectfully so.

I was simply pointing out that they way it was framed seemed to predispose all answers in a certain direction.

For my part, married at 25 and don't feel like I missed out on much.

If I were to have married a year after my mission, i would have missed out on a lot of fun undergrad memories, for sure.

landpoke · 07-31-2008, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PaloAltoCougar

"Shortchanged" and "robbed" are a bit too value-laden for me,

Damn, I tried to avoid that.

07-31-2008, 04:28 PM	#54
RC Vikings Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Rexburg, Idaho Posts: 2,236	I've never meet a mullah type that was sad he married early. Most are just happy to be having sex with anybody. I honestly admire those guys that marry early, have three kids before they're 25 and have a wife that's gained about 75 pounds and still seem like they are happy because that's what they want and planned for. __________________ "I always rode to my limit. If I won by three minutes, that's because I couldn't make four." Eddy Merckx

07-31-2008, 04:20 PM	#51
DrumNFeather Active LDS Ute Fan Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Nantucket : ) Posts: 2,566	I got married at 26 and that was the perfect age for me. I was able to finish school and get established in a career path before my wife and I met. Having said that, while I was going through the singledom in my early 20s, I wanted to be married, but I am glad that I wasn't married any earlier than I was. I feel like the church culture has backed off of the whole marraige thing a little bit...just in terms of forcing it down singles' throats. Maybe I just don't run in those circles anymore, but my ward was pretty good about it. Now, on a case by case basis, who knows what kind of pressures singles get from parents, friends, aunts, uncles etc.