My friend's dad had an affair. - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

ute4ever · 08-25-2005, 11:22 PM

I have been really close to my friend's entire family for the past 13 years, to the point of spending some major holidays with them. They gave me graduation gifts, etc.

My friend told me that a few years ago his dad had an affair. I asked if he just found out, and he said no, his dad talked to him about it shortly afterwards.

I asked how did his mom react? He said she still doesn't know.

I feel like she has a right to know. She is like my second mother.

What would you do?

creekster · 08-25-2005, 11:39 PM

I would pay attention to my own onions.

SoCalCoug · 08-25-2005, 11:49 PM

I strongly recommend against getting involved. Nothing good can come to you from it.

Archaea · 08-26-2005, 12:26 AM

I would never wish to be the bearer of such bad news.

It may have already been discussed, but private matters would never be leaked by me.

I've had family members who had dalliances unfortunately, but I neither facilitated nor disclosed, usually because I was the last to know, but it would not have mattered. Confidences are something I'm trained in.

Leave it alone.

MikeWaters · 08-26-2005, 12:37 AM

I think that dad must be a jerk to tell his son, but not tell his wife. what a burden to place on his son (no doubt why he told you). of course, it is possible that son found out and dad had to fess up.

talk about a family that can never really be emotionally together.

LA Ute · 08-26-2005, 01:08 AM

keep my mouth shut and pray that someday soon he'll tell her. That he told his son suggests that he needed to talk to someone about it. If he's LDS and cares about his, ah, future, he'll be talking about it someday. Soon, I hope.

Brian · 08-26-2005, 02:43 AM

Are you in their ward? If so, you could mention something about it in the next fast and testimony meeting.

Regards,
Brian

fusnik11 · 08-26-2005, 03:08 PM

happened in my parents ward right before my mission.

a guy was having an affair with a women and a couple of people knew but nothing was said. it continued on for a couple of years and right after i got home the shit hit the fan.

a lady confronted her told her that he had had an affair, the ward choose sides and theyve been duking it out ever since.

my mom who is quite close to this lady asked if she was 'happy' that someone told her and she said yes. that shed rather deal with the emotional problems that followed than find out one day she has dedicated herself to a lie.

id tell your friend that his mom needs to know. i wouldnt personally tell your second mom, but the lady needs to know this has happened, both for her sake, and the sake of her family.

SoCalCoug · 08-26-2005, 05:25 PM

Quote:

id tell your friend that his mom needs to know

I think this is the absolute closest you should get involved, although even this might be going too far. Doubtless, your friend has thought through whether he should tell his mother, and has apparently decided not to. I don't think input from you is going to change anything.

I would bet money that there are people on Cougarboard who would encourage you to inject yourself into this situation, whether out of a feeling of moral superiority or out of some sense that they are their brother's (friend's? friend's father's?) keeper. If that is the case (and I hope I'm wrong), then I think they are absolutely in the wrong.

If you get involved in this, you will regret it. Don't feel like you have any moral obligation to right a supposed wrong. You don't.

fusnik11 · 08-26-2005, 05:56 PM

i dont think you should involve yourself more....

tell your friend his mom needs to know, since you came upon this information from him, let him be the deciding factor whether he tells his mom, or confronts his dad further....

be supportive of your friend and whatever he decides live with it and move on.

the dad should just sack up and tell his mom, thats very unfair hed leave such an emotional burden on his son....

seems like a chicken shit way out if you ask me.

08-25-2005, 11:22 PM	#1
ute4ever I must not tell lies Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 5,103	My friend's dad had an affair. I have been really close to my friend's entire family for the past 13 years, to the point of spending some major holidays with them. They gave me graduation gifts, etc. My friend told me that a few years ago his dad had an affair. I asked if he just found out, and he said no, his dad talked to him about it shortly afterwards. I asked how did his mom react? He said she still doesn't know. I feel like she has a right to know. She is like my second mother. What would you do?

08-25-2005, 11:39 PM	#2
creekster Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: the far corner of my mind Posts: 8,711	As the French sometimes say, I would pay attention to my own onions.

08-25-2005, 11:49 PM	#3
SoCalCoug Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Orange County, California Posts: 3,059	I strongly recommend against getting involved. Nothing good can come to you from it. __________________ Get your stinking paws off me, you damned, dirty Yewt! "Now perhaps as I spanked myself screaming out "Kozlowski, say it like you mean it bitch!" might have been out of line, but such was the mood." - Goatnapper "If you want to fatten a pig up to make the pig MORE delicious, you can feed it almost anything. Seriously. The pig is like the car on Back to the Future. You put in garbage, and out comes something magical!" - Cali Coug

08-26-2005, 12:26 AM	#4
Archaea Assistant to the Regional Manager Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: The Orgasmatron Posts: 24,338	Stay silent I would never wish to be the bearer of such bad news. It may have already been discussed, but private matters would never be leaked by me. I've had family members who had dalliances unfortunately, but I neither facilitated nor disclosed, usually because I was the last to know, but it would not have mattered. Confidences are something I'm trained in. Leave it alone.

08-26-2005, 01:08 AM	#6
LA Ute Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 118	I guess I'd . . . keep my mouth shut and pray that someday soon he'll tell her. That he told his son suggests that he needed to talk to someone about it. If he's LDS and cares about his, ah, future, he'll be talking about it someday. Soon, I hope. __________________ "Always do right. It will annoy some people and surprise the rest." --Mark Twain

08-26-2005, 12:37 AM	#5
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	I think that dad must be a jerk to tell his son, but not tell his wife. what a burden to place on his son (no doubt why he told you). of course, it is possible that son found out and dad had to fess up. talk about a family that can never really be emotionally together.

08-26-2005, 02:43 AM	#7
Brian Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Oak Ridge, TN Posts: 1,308	wfjiaf;9023 23u023rji3ej;opjfhgigt Are you in their ward? If so, you could mention something about it in the next fast and testimony meeting. Regards, Brian

08-26-2005, 03:08 PM	#8
fusnik11 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 2,506	something very similar.... happened in my parents ward right before my mission. a guy was having an affair with a women and a couple of people knew but nothing was said. it continued on for a couple of years and right after i got home the shit hit the fan. a lady confronted her told her that he had had an affair, the ward choose sides and theyve been duking it out ever since. my mom who is quite close to this lady asked if she was 'happy' that someone told her and she said yes. that shed rather deal with the emotional problems that followed than find out one day she has dedicated herself to a lie. id tell your friend that his mom needs to know. i wouldnt personally tell your second mom, but the lady needs to know this has happened, both for her sake, and the sake of her family.

08-26-2005, 05:56 PM	#10
fusnik11 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 2,506	i agree pretty much with this..... i dont think you should involve yourself more.... tell your friend his mom needs to know, since you came upon this information from him, let him be the deciding factor whether he tells his mom, or confronts his dad further.... be supportive of your friend and whatever he decides live with it and move on. the dad should just sack up and tell his mom, thats very unfair hed leave such an emotional burden on his son.... seems like a chicken shit way out if you ask me.