"Cycling helped me as I left Mormonism"

[MikeWaters]

or something like that.

[MikeWaters]

My wife and I were discussing this. She asked whether other religions would be featured in a piece like this. And she mentioned she doesn't really hear adherents of other sects ripping on their religion.

I said that I have heard many Catholics make remarks about growing up Catholic in a negative light. Not everyone of course. But many.

However I wonder if this piece had been about growing up Jewish, would it have been published in this format?

Surely it is fine to shed the religion of your youth. And it doesn't need to be a secret. One has every right to talk about it however one likes. But it did come across as a little bit jarring in Bicycling Magazine, which is about as bland and boring a publication as there is, which is essentially just product placement disguised as journalism. Why grab the third rail? Religion. Or politics for that matter.

Wouldn't it be nice if people owned up to their own decisions? Instead of your religion forcing you to get married, maybe own up to your own decision to get married. Personal responsibility.

She's 34. She got married 15 years ago at the age of 19. I'm not aware of Mormons in 1999 being forced to marry as teens. In fact, I don't think any of my Mormon friends married as teens. It's hardly the usual thing, although I suppose it's a lot more common among Mormons than with non-Mormons in America.

Having said that, I wish nothing but the best for this lady. Mormonism. Religion. Not for everyone.

[BlueK]

I guess a story about someone using cycling to help them get through a divorce and then meeting their next husband isn't interesting enough without throwing the mormon angle out there.

[MikeWaters]

They feature 5 cyclists.

The other 3 that I recall:

1) I was getting in trouble with the law, had a baby just born to my girlfriend, got involved in cycling and it turned my life around

2) I was sleeping around on my girlfriend, using drugs, going to law school. Cycling racing turned my life around.

3) I was someone that has long suffered from depression and was a workaholic. I still get depressed, but cycling has changed my life.

And of course our unhappy divorced Mormon.

[MikeWaters]

Btw, it seems like it's pretty tough to get divorced in our church.

Lady in our ward, husband inactive suddenly. And continues to be inactive x 2 years or so. She discovers he has been massively treating on her. They get divorced. She's so embarrassed by the divorce (many people knew the circumstances) she goes inactive herself.

A couple years later she remarries, and is either apostate or close to it. Done. Refuses all contact.

People really liked her, wanted to reach out to her. But I bet she would report that she was shunned and her community rejected her.

[BlueK]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

They feature 5 cyclists.

The other 3 that I recall:

1) I was getting in trouble with the law, had a baby just born to my girlfriend, got involved in cycling and it turned my life around

2) I was sleeping around on my girlfriend, using drugs, going to law school. Cycling racing turned my life around.

3) I was someone that has long suffered from depression and was a workaholic. I still get depressed, but cycling has changed my life.

And of course our unhappy divorced Mormon.

Great. My religion is essentially being equated here with things like criminal behavior, irresponsible sex, drug abuse, and depression.

[MikeWaters]

The other one is the only other female. I think her "demon" is obesity. But I'll have to go back and check.

[BlueK]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

Btw, it seems like it's pretty tough to get divorced in our church.

Lady in our ward, husband inactive suddenly. And continues to be inactive x 2 years or so. She discovers he has been massively treating on her. They get divorced. She's so embarrassed by the divorce (many people knew the circumstances) she goes inactive herself.

A couple years later she remarries, and is either apostate or close to it. Done. Refuses all contact.

People really liked her, wanted to reach out to her. But I bet she would report that she was shunned and her community rejected her.

You are right that going through divorce within our LDS culture can be quite rough. I have experienced it firsthand, not from an adult's perspective, but as a 12 year old when my parents went through it. There is so much I could say about this topic, I don't know where I would even start.

I will say the shunning thing can be very real to the participants, and I would never try to say that she didn't feel it somehow. I do empathize with her on that aspect of her story. I experienced it too. It was the early 80s when divorce was very rare within the church at that time. We went through a pretty rough time in our ward immediately after my dad left and for a couple of years until we finally made the decision to move out of our home in Sandy and go to Provo.

That move was just what my family needed. It was motivated by the crappy treatment thrown our way from some of our fellow ward mambers. Then we moved to Provo where no one knew us. Suddenly we felt accepted and welcomed by other church members. It was a huge blessing for me and my siblings.

And I can even turn this into a sports thread because I feel like BYU sports was a happy thing for me and my brother that helped us while going through this. We were already BYU fans, but in the months after my dad left us, there was the 1980 football season with Jim McMahon, capped off by the miracle Holiday Bowl finish. I remember my 9 year old brother talking with my mom in another room while the game was going on as she was helping him feel better about something related to the divorce and our tough times. He had stopped watching the game. I was still watching the Cougars getting blown out.

Then the comeback started and I remember going to tell my brother that something was happening and he might want to come see. He did and we got to celebrate together when Clay Brown caught the pass.
Then just three months after that we did it again when Danny Ainge went coast to coast against Notre Dame. Those were happy times in the middle of a rough period for my family. My mom doesn't care at all about sports, but she has commented before that she was glad we had that to add a little happiness to our lives.

[MikeWaters]

Awesome story BlueK.

People don't know what to say, or sometimes they say stupid things.

We had another woman in our ward who became active after not being active for 20 years, suffered a tough illness for a long time and was out, and when she was well and came back, someone made a snide remark about her being gone. And boom, she's done.

FWIW, I just looked her up on FB. We actually have a common FB friend. There's nothing on her page that I noticed that talks about religion. My guess is that she has indeed left the church entirely and does not care for it, but it doesn't appear to be something that is part of her FB discourse.

Then again, I am friends with local apostates who have strong negative feelings towards the church, and you wouldn't necessarily pick that up on FB. Other than some of the posts and things that they "like".

But it doesn't really matter. She could be someone that trolls on an ex-mormon site all day, or she should merely be someone that didn't really like the culture she grew up with and decided to get out.

I have had my moments too, of not always feeling like I fit in. But here I am.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

Awesome story BlueK.

People don't know what to say, or sometimes they say stupid things.

We had another woman in our ward who became active after not being active for 20 years, suffered a tough illness for a long time and was out, and when she was well and came back, someone made a snide remark about her being gone. And boom, she's done.

FWIW, I just looked her up on FB. We actually have a common FB friend. There's nothing on her page that I noticed that talks about religion. My guess is that she has indeed left the church entirely and does not care for it, but it doesn't appear to be something that is part of her FB discourse.

Then again, I am friends with local apostates who have strong negative feelings towards the church, and you wouldn't necessarily pick that up on FB. Other than some of the posts and things that they "like".

But it doesn't really matter. She could be someone that trolls on an ex-mormon site all day, or she should merely be someone that didn't really like the culture she grew up with and decided to get out.

I have had my moments too, of not always feeling like I fit in. But here I am.

Or, she could feel a vacuum again. Never burn bridges unnecessarily.

It raises the question, do LDS befriend somebody because they actually enjoy that person's company or merely because they are or might become part of the tribe. There is a huge element, in light of proselytizing efforts, of befriending to convert.

If she was a worthwhile person, then she should still be a worthwhile person.