Has anyone else ever taken a break from church?

[Levin]

I thought it was more that 90% of the ward didn't want you as bishop anymore, but they still want you teaching Sunday School.

[Levin]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

It's a joke.

Really? I thought this really happened to you.

[MikeWaters]

Originally Posted by Levin

Really? I thought this really happened to you.

actually it did.

and it is a joke.

[Levin]

But your joke is still imprecise. They didn't leave the ward b/c they didn't like you. They just didn't want you as Bishop. But they want you to join their ward as the new sunday school teacher.

[landpoke]

Originally Posted by All-American

I think he's just speaking off the cuff a little.

Nice!

[All-American]

I think I have a comment or two to offer here. I hesitate to offer them because I don't suppose they compare at all with yours, but maybe you'll find it useful.

About a year or so after I got back from my mission, I found myself in a bit of a rut. The class load was piling up, there was always more work to be done, and I really wasn't having much luck finding friends in my ward. Church was a chore. It was three hours of wishing I was back home. So one week, I didn't go. I just took the week off. And it was great. So I took the next week off, too. It ended up being about three or four months of just plain old not showing up.

It WAS really nice to have that extra day off during that stretch of time. I was more relaxed and less stressed, but truth be told, I was not happy. If I felt like I didn't belong before, not going to church didn't help at all. More than that, I didn't like how I felt about myself. A wise bishop was looking out for me, got a hold of me, and cracked the whip, as it were, and that ended that little experiment-- and I'm grateful for it.

When I hear about your situation, a few things jump to mind. First and foremost is this: setting aside any discussion about the need to attend church, et cetera, you need to find some way to address that sleep disorder. I'm not at all surprised that it has taken that toll on you. I'm sure this isn't the first time you've heard it, if it has been an ongoing problem for 30 years now, but above all else, you've got to take care of your health.

Second, and along those lines, if you are forced to choose between your health and your church activity, you choose your health. To me, that seems a no-brainer.

My third point, though, is that this probably ought to be a temporary solution. If you believe that the church is true and you don't go, it probably will provide relief in the short term, but in the long run, the inconsistency between your beliefs and your actions will likely be no less a burden upon you. Make a goal for what you want to have happen, and make a plan to achieve it.

Along those lines is my fourth point. I often feel much as you do about church in general-- it is more of a drain on me than a source of strength, and sometimes, I feel like I have to give a lot more in effort than I get back in return. I've spent a lot of time in the last few years trying to figure out ways to get more out of church and shifting that balance between giving and receiving. I absolutely love teaching in the Elder's Quorum, for example, and I've tried to make it very clear to the leaders of the ward how much I would appreciate having that calling. Every time I get to teach, that hour changes from a drudgery to a thrill. I like your idea of sitting by somebody different each week; I usually just go sit in the corner, myself. I may try to do that.

Anyway, that's my humble little offering. Feel free to ignore.

[observer]

Thank you so much for your post. I really appreciate the fact that you can relate to what I am experiencing in my life right now. And you are right, the sleep disorder is probably the biggest issue in my life. Unfortunately, I have tried for many years to address it with both secular and church leaders/counselors. The church leaders tell me to pray more, but this really seems to make things WAY worse for me. I like to attribute that to the adversary trying to keep me from doing what I should. As for the secular counselors...it seems that they don't believe or understand the terrifying experiences I have at night. So... I have basically given up trying to fix that part of my life.

As for choosing between health and church activity, you said it, health has to come first.

Just so you'll know, this is supposed to be a temporary solution to my problems. I have told myself that this will last between 6 months and a year. I hope it works out that way because I do know that it becomes harder and harder to return the longer a person is away.

Obviously I need to address other stressful areas in my life before I am able to be the person that God has in mind for me. Working 2 full time jobs is such a huge drain on all aspects of my life, but I have done it for a very long time, have gotten used to it, and we really do need the money. One other thing I didn't mention is that I gave the bishop my temple recommend. He didn't want to take it, but I told him it was simply a reminder to me of yet another thing in life that I am not able to do right now due to time constraints. Without having it in my wallet, I hope the guilt of not attending will not be so pronounced.

As for the church being a drain on me, I have no idea how anyone feels any differently about it than that. It is very tough to convince myself that I need to be in church when I truly do feel worse about myself when I attend meetings than when I do not. I'm glad others find solace and relief while attending church, but I find more stress, worry, and a desire to get the Hell out of there.

Anyway, I am very glad that I am not alone in struggling with these kinds of issues. I feel some relief knowing that others have some of the very same feelings that I do, even though their method of attacking the problem may be different than mine. Thanks for the support and kind words.

[All-American]

Well, all other things aside, I would encourage you not to give up on addressing your sleep disorder. I'm not surprised that church counselors haven't been able to be of much help. I believe prayer is an essential part of managing life's problems, but I've never believed that prayer alone will solve them. Given the dramatic impact the disorder is having on your quality of life, I would make resolving or relieving it your top priority.

I think it's good that you're planning on making it back, and I think you have an appropriate time-table. If I may ask, though, what about your life in six to twelve months is going to be so different that you will be able to manage the additional load of stress induced by church activity? I can understand the need to take a breather when conditions don't permit you to keep up, but what reason do you have to believe that when you do go back, the overwhelming problems with which you are currently confronted are not going to be there again? Perhaps now is not the time to come up with answers to those questions, but I suspect that unless you do, you're going to find yourself in this position again.

I wouldn't presume to tell you how to make your life less stressful, and I don't know enough about you to be able to tell you how to make church less stressful. I do feel like I can relate in a very small way. There are still weeks where I get fed up enough with the ward that I go home early. When I can get involved, when there are people whom I am genuinely interested in seeing, when I am able to participate in the lessons and discussions, I get a lot more out of it.

In fact, that's a question I'd like to throw out to everybody else here. What kinds of things do you do to make the meetings more enjoyable? Or do you just grin and bear it because you know you should? Or do you not find any difficulty in getting something out of the meetings? If not, why?

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by All-American

Well, all other things aside, I would encourage you not to give up on addressing your sleep disorder. I'm not surprised that church counselors haven't been able to be of much help. I believe prayer is an essential part of managing life's problems, but I've never believed that prayer alone will solve them. Given the dramatic impact the disorder is having on your quality of life, I would make resolving or relieving it your top priority.

I think it's good that you're planning on making it back, and I think you have an appropriate time-table. If I may ask, though, what about your life in six to twelve months is going to be so different that you will be able to manage the additional load of stress induced by church activity? I can understand the need to take a breather when conditions don't permit you to keep up, but what reason do you have to believe that when you do go back, the overwhelming problems with which you are currently confronted are not going to be there again? Perhaps now is not the time to come up with answers to those questions, but I suspect that unless you do, you're going to find yourself in this position again.

I wouldn't presume to tell you how to make your life less stressful, and I don't know enough about you to be able to tell you how to make church less stressful. I do feel like I can relate in a very small way. There are still weeks where I get fed up enough with the ward that I go home early. When I can get involved, when there are people whom I am genuinely interested in seeing, when I am able to participate in the lessons and discussions, I get a lot more out of it.

In fact, that's a question I'd like to throw out to everybody else here. What kinds of things do you do to make the meetings more enjoyable? Or do you just grin and bear it because you know you should? Or do you not find any difficulty in getting something out of the meetings? If not, why?

If meetings were so good, would sleep be so prevalent?

[CardiacCoug]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

At least you didn't attend church and then on a particular Sunday find that 90% of the ward had moved out because they didn't like you.

OK that was funny, Mike.