Raising children and daycare

[SeattleUte]

Originally Posted by tooblue

Zowey ... I guess we could call such a statement enlightenment and not the least bit offensive

lol

I think you highlight the fact that this is a highly personal and subjective issue, highly dependent on the household, income level, education level, proximity of child care to work, quality of the day care, a host of things. How ironic that Mormons should be unabashed in claiming their moral superiority for advocating that all women must be stay at home moms or else they harm their children or violate divine law. Then when someone states a contrary view they take offense. Typical. It's like the religious bigotry card. Grow up.

[UtahDan]

Originally Posted by Indy Coug

Well there is a rule and there are the exceptions to it. If you're going to address people generally, like in a GENERAL CONFERENCE, you should be concerning yourself with the rule, rather than the exceptions to it.

If I'm an oddsmaker, I'm going with a stay at home mom over daycare. After a billion trials or so, I'll come out ahead.

I'm going to chime in in accord with Indy here. There a lots of things we hold up in the church as being the ideal. That doesn't mean you get the ideal all the time, but not always getting it does not mean we shouldn't continue to uphold it.

There are lots of kids who come through abusive terrible childhoods and wind up fine in life. That doesn't mean that a normal childhood is not preferable to an abusive one. Its an extreme example that illustrates the point.

I think the decision of whether or not to stay home with the kids is up to each couple. I think even the Proclamation on Families recognizes that individual adaptation to circumstances is expected. On the other hand, I think that it is right for the church (and I'm not saying the talk that has gotten so much run here does this) to suggest to its members that there is an ideal and that we all ought to examine whether our current arrangement is best for our children and whether our motives are their best interests or whether they are selfish.

I am biased because I came from a home where my mother who was never going to be happy being a homemaker. She had a career before my brothers and me. While we were little she worked out of the home, had a framing business, mortgage business, was a realtor, but was nearly always there when we got home from school and always saw us off in the morning. Work happened when we were at school. We had a parent parenting us rather than (sorry) warehousing us somewhere. I'm certain this was a financial sacrifice as well. When we were all high school age, mom completed her graduate degree and went back to work full time. She still works.

To me, the ideal is that parents should only have children that they intend to raise. That doesn't mean, to me, that either shoulders that burden any more than another. But, IMHO, if your kids are in day care and it would not be a financial hardship to have them out with one or both parents "at home" some of the time, that is a selfish decision. It is a decision that gratifies the parent rather than reflects the child's interests. I get that sometimes it just can't be avoided.

I think the problem lies, in large measure, is in a culture that tells us we can have it all. That both parents can have career and family and that neither will suffer. Reality is different.

[BYU71]

I have a granddaugter who has gone to day care since she was 2 and she is now 5.

I have grandkids who are stay at home kids. This grandaughter is as smart as the stay at homes and actually as well as or better behaved. Of course all my grandkids are awesome, so better is relative.

[RockyBalboa]

I was raised in a home where my Mom had a daycare inside of it.

I saw a lot with my own eyes at a young age that left a lot of impressions on me.

While I fully support any woman's desire to go out and have a career, seeing what I did every single day, if I had the choice, I'd rather she stay home with the kids......however, under no circumstances would I ever be staunch in that. Just a preference based on what I saw growing up. Oft times it seemed to have a harder impact on the mom dropping off her kid every singled day than it did the other way around.

My wife worked when I was married and I encouraged her to follow her career. If we'd had kids and she wanted to stay home and not work, work part time or work full time I'd just support her in any way.

[marsupial]

I can't say much about daycare. I never was in it, nor have my kids been in it. There are pros and cons to either situation. However, I will say that looking back to when I was a teenager, having a mom at home in the afternoon helped keep me out of some trouble. She was around and expected me to come home or at least check in and let her know what I was doing and who I was going to be with. Having her there wasn't fool proof, but it definitely helped.

[MikeWaters]

Originally Posted by marsupial

Having her there wasn't fool proof, but it definitely helped.

So what kind of trouble did you get in?

[marsupial]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

So what kind of trouble did you get in?

I was basically good kid who never wanted to lie to my parents. What I meant was that having a mom at home isn't always going to keep a kid who is looking for trouble, out of trouble. If I didn't care about lying to my folks, I could have gotten into situations where doing the right thing would have been more difficult.

[BYU71]

Originally Posted by marsupial

I was basically good kid who never wanted to lie to my parents. What I meant was that having a mom at home isn't always going to keep a kid who is looking for trouble, out of trouble. If I didn't care about lying to my folks, I could have gotten into situations where doing the right thing would have been more difficult.

I myself am greatful back when I was a teenager most every girls mom was home.

I shudder to think of the number of invites I would have gotten to come over if their mom's hadn't been at home.

[tooblue]

Originally Posted by SeattleUte

I think you highlight the fact that this is a highly personal and subjective issue, highly dependent on the household, income level, education level, proximity of child care to work, quality of the day care, a host of things. How ironic that Mormons should be unabashed in claiming their moral superiority for advocating that all women must be stay at home moms or else they harm their children or violate divine law. Then when someone states a contrary view they take offense. Typical. It's like the religious bigotry card. Grow up.

Instead of replying to my comment which speaks directly to the irony of this board and it's dynamics you choose to dodge the meat of my thought and rely on a broadbrush insult to emphatically assert your superiority.

You grow up and contend with my astute observation. Resist the urge to belittle.

[jay santos]

Originally Posted by tooblue

Instead of replying to my comment which speaks directly to the irony of this board and it's dynamics you choose to dodge the meat of my thought and rely on a broadbrush insult to emphatically assert your superiority.

You grow up and contend with my astute observation. Resist the urge to belittle.

Not to mention tried to big-time us with his household income. *cough* *cough* *puke*