Now that the LDS Church has raised the

[Mrs. Funk]

I think there's a huge problem across the board with missionaries being judged for being sent home, regardless of the reason. I've known people who were sent home for a letigitmate medical reason (and I do consider chronic depression or other psychological issue a legitimate medical reason) who had people in their wards question the legitimacy of a "medical release." The assumption is that that there must have been some underlying morality issue trying to be disguised as a medical condition.

That said, people sent home for morality problems need to be given more understanding than they receive. A friend of mine came home from the MTC- turns out he'd slept with his nonmember girlfriend before leaving on his mission. Now, don't get me wrong. He shouldn't have gone with that unresolved and it was right that he was sent home. However, he was crucified by the community. His family was crucified by the community. Even his girlfriend was called a "slut" and a "whore" for sleeping with him before his left.

Is there no mercy? He'd already been sent home. I'm not saying that people should excuse his behavior, but condemnation is not the way to handle this. His parents are good people. His nonmember girlfriend hadn't made temple covenants to abstain from sexual relations.

I think this mindset of condemnation is a huge problem.

[BYU71]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Funk

I think there's a huge problem across the board with missionaries being judged for being sent home, regardless of the reason. I've known people who were sent home for a letigitmate medical reason (and I do consider chronic depression or other psychological issue a legitimate medical reason) who had people in their wards question the legitimacy of a "medical release." The assumption is that that there must have been some underlying morality issue trying to be disguised as a medical condition.

That said, people sent home for morality problems need to be given more understanding than they receive. A friend of mine came home from the MTC- turns out he'd slept with his nonmember girlfriend before leaving on his mission. Now, don't get me wrong. He shouldn't have gone with that unresolved and it was right that he was sent home. However, he was crucified by the community. His family was crucified by the community. Even his girlfriend was called a "slut" and a "whore" for sleeping with him before his left.

Is there no mercy? He'd already been sent home. I'm not saying that people should excuse his behavior, but condemnation is not the way to handle this. His parents are good people. His nonmember girlfriend hadn't made temple covenants to abstain from sexual relations.

I think this mindset of condemnation is a huge problem.

You don't have that happen in a community where a SP or Bishops son gets sent home or you find out his son is gay. The whole community tends to lighten up on everyone else.

[YOhio]

Where I grew up, Elders that got sent home from their missions had real street cred. When it was only a medical problem as opposed to drugs or sex, it was almost dissapointing.

[Mrs. Funk]

Originally Posted by BYU71

You don't have that happen in a community where a SP or Bishops son gets sent home or you find out his son is gay. The whole community tends to lighten up on everyone else.

It's unfortunate, but that's probably true. The fact that they would be treated differently than son of Joe Schmoe who got sent home is a problem, too.

[jay santos]

In my ward, a friend of mine his son came home from his mission after about six months. He was a straight arrow, model citizen, kind of kid you want your kids to look up to and emulate. The story the family gave was that he suffered from depression. My friend wouldn't open up with me the whole story but based on bits and pieces I theorized there might have been an immorality issue that either was the real reason or was the root cause of the depression/guilt.

Since then the mother has gone quasi-inactive. They both have basically been completely offended by the ward's reaction. I have observed from afar, and I believe 90% of what they are feeling is self inflicted. They're paranoid. Nearly every RS lesson, this woman is offended by something the teacher said that she took as a personal attack. Bishop doesn't visit them, he must not care "we're not worthy for the bishop to care." Bishop visits them. "What are we a charity case or something?" Someone asks how their son is and they're nosy and judgemental. They don't ask and they don't care about the son.

From my perspective I see nothing but sincere sympathy and non-judgement for both the parents and son. It breaks my heart to see them so stuck on this idea that people are judging them.

[Requiem]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Funk

Is there no mercy? He'd already been sent home. I'm not saying that people should excuse his behavior, but condemnation is not the way to handle this. His parents are good people. His nonmember girlfriend hadn't made temple covenants to abstain from sexual relations.

I think this mindset of condemnation is a huge problem.

You eloquently describe a serious problem. There exists among many in the Church an expectation of perfection that can never be attained. Yes we can make incremental improvements in specific areas; however, not achieving perfection should neither be a source of condemnation nor self imposed guilt.

Within some LDS wards and stakes there is all too often a rush to judgment when one falls out of the mainstream. Parents of children who err are often judged the most harshly and end up with a greater degree of suffering. I am consoled by the words of the Savior describing his role:

“He that is greatest among you shall be your servant” (Matt. 23:11).

“Whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted” (Matt. 23:12)

[woot]

I was an AP the last 6 months of my mission, so I was able to get a pretty good idea of the overall righteousness of the mission, and it wasn't pretty.

I ended up playing cops & robbers in the middle of the night several times, looking for missionaries who had taken off with the car, scouring strip joint parking lots, etc. It's crazy how many lap dances were going on and how many naked district meetings there were. Ok that last one only happened once. The same district all went and got tattoos together, and evidently one of their little make-out/who knows what else parties took place in the baptismal font of the local chapel.

We also had a couple of bi-polar sisters almost kill their companions.

Mostly, it wasn't as exciting as all that and the biggest problems were missionaries lying around their apartment all day or just not getting along with their companions.

Still, the impression I left with was that lousy missionaries are the norm. Half way through my mission they had to restructure the leadership, from zone-leader companionships to only 1 zone leader per zone, because there just weren't nearly enough decent missionaries to fill that many ZL spots. It also made it convenient to put the biggest idiots with the zone leaders so they could be babysat. Horrible waste of good missionaries, but when they say missions are more about the missionaries than the converts, they aren't lyin'.

[Mrs. Funk]

Originally Posted by jay santos

In my ward, a friend of mine his son came home from his mission after about six months. He was a straight arrow, model citizen, kind of kid you want your kids to look up to and emulate. The story the family gave was that he suffered from depression. My friend wouldn't open up with me the whole story but based on bits and pieces I theorized there might have been an immorality issue that either was the real reason or was the root cause of the depression/guilt.

Since then the mother has gone quasi-inactive. They both have basically been completely offended by the ward's reaction. I have observed from afar, and I believe 90% of what they are feeling is self inflicted. They're paranoid. Nearly every RS lesson, this woman is offended by something the teacher said that she took as a personal attack. Bishop doesn't visit them, he must not care "we're not worthy for the bishop to care." Bishop visits them. "What are we a charity case or something?" Someone asks how their son is and they're nosy and judgemental. They don't ask and they don't care about the son.

From my perspective I see nothing but sincere sympathy and non-judgement for both the parents and son. It breaks my heart to see them so stuck on this idea that people are judging them.

It's great that people have been so accepting. I guess I'm just saying in my most personal experience of it, the people from my home stake were generally judgmental and I think this is a big potential problem. Of course, self-victimization is an issue, too. It's not just one sided. People on all sides are responsible for their reactions to this less-than-ideal circumstance.

[myboynoah]

I have no personal stories of tragedy. Oh sure, there were guys that wimped out and came/went home, so we ostracized them. But hey, as someone has noted elsewhere, guy-life is one big high school locker room, and that's just what we do. Best to learn that one early.

I do remember, however, those that left the MTC due to pre-mission discretions. It was sad; to get to that point (buying all the white shirts and suits, the farewell talk, taking the donations from all the little old ladies in the ward, and the tearful farewell in that room where the missionaries go out one door and the families goes out the other) and then suddenly be going home in shame. Man, that takes some major gonads.

Anyway, it wasn't until about my third week in the MTC that I came to understand a significant truth. After every Thursday-night devotional (always a GA to talk to the young troops) they would make a seemingly innocuous announcement for Elders so-and-so and so-and-so and so-and-so to come meet with the MTC president. Upon hearing the name of an Elder of whose situation I was familiar, I suddenly realized that was the ex'em and ship'em call.

I wonder if they still do that.

[tooblue]

Originally Posted by Requiem

My experience is that alot more missionaries are being sent home early, sometimes for questionable reasons and the negative consequences to the missionary and his/her family are severe and lifelong. For good reason, I have strong feelings on this topic.

Let me give you a recent (April, 2007) example. I have a niece who was serving as a missionary in Guatemala. After serving for six months, she wanted to "clear the slate" and called her MP on the phone to schedule an interview during his upcoming visit for a zone conference. He advised her to discuss the problem on the phone. She confessed a single incidence of petting not disclosed to her Bishop or SP. Thirty minutes after the phone call, the MP called her back and said she was being sent home. No personal visit, no attempt to work with her in the field. She was an outstanding missionary and had recently baptized a family with six children.

After returning home in disgrace, she and her family were isolated and shunned by her ward. Her punishment at home was three months of informal probation. No counseling, no arms of fellowship, nothing. Yes, she made a mistake, but the punishment did not fit the crime.

Here is the what this mean spirited MP hath wrought: my niece is now attending UC Northridge and is ambivalent towards the Church. Her testimony of the gospel is strong, but she will forever be labeled as a failed missionary. Her parents are not so lucky. They are now separated and in the process of divorcing after a 42 year marriage and seven children. Plain and simple, they could not withstand the isolation and judgements that followed their daughter being sent home. Some may judge that their marriage did not have a strong foundation and the daughter being sent home was merely a tipping point. I think otherwise.

Raising the bar without the application of wisdom and forgiveness is a double edged sword. There was not a sin here worthy of either disfellowshipment or excommunication. Another example of the consequences of the misapplication of Church discipline. Unrighteous dominion is pure evil.

You're placing the blame for a failed marriage on their daughter going home early from a mission? It's not about judgment. Having been married for many years, I can say with certainty there were serious problems in the marriage in the first place.