Do you all ever feel shortchanged by your culture's insistence on early marriage

[UtahDan]

Originally Posted by landpoke

Not just emotional, but in judgment. These are the things I wonder about.

I guess that is what I was trying to say. Judgment only comes with experience and we frequently make the most important choice we will ever make at a time when our judgment is embryonic. But anecdotally, it still works the vast majority of the time so maybe good judgment isn't as important as shared values, community and commitment.

[Goatnapper'96]

Originally Posted by UtahDan

By the way, I believe that this is a cultural emphasis rather than a doctrinal one. I certainly know that there are many who have undergone tremendous hardship because they have reproduced early and often before they were out of school, though of course they wouldn't ever trade their kids. Perhaps the payoff is that they are out of the house sooner and you get to enjoy your time alone with your spouse before you are too old to do some of the things that age makes more difficult.

I have long felt that the agrarian culture that early LDS culture was centered around is a big part of this. Arrington's doctrinal thesis was an analysis of the Magic Valley sugarbeet industry and he documented how the LDS famalies cornered the market little by little as they continued having large famalies while the non-LDS farmers famalies better reflected the declining national averages. This was in the first half of the 20th century. Before roundup resistant sugarbeets, raising sugarbeets was very labor intensive as the fields must be hoed weekly to rid them of unwanted weeds that compete with the sugarbeets for water. Large famalies provide a great deal of free labor.

I also think that those who marry early and have a large litter while still struggling through schooling learn a great deal about sacrifice and teamwork. It wasn't the route I went and I would not recommend it to my children as it invites a great deal of stress and pressure that young marriages often don't need, but to those couples who face the challenge head on I think it emboldens and deepens the marital relationship. Overcoming such challenges together creates a deeper unity that benefits the individual partners, the relationship and the entire family. Part of me thinks that given the longstanding belief in LDS culture that hard work and intense challenges is good for individuals and develops faith, by forcing you to seek divine help with your challenges, is what motivates those leaders who have encouraged this approach as the LDS blueprint.

[landpoke]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

older paternal age is associated with many diseases in offspring. For example schizophrenia. More well-known are the chromosomal defects among children born to older women.

it's not a trivial thing for an entire society to shift its birthing years to the 30s and 40s.

It's arguably a very bad thing.

Believe me, I know. I'm not squeamish around needles but damn that thing the stuck into my wife's belly was big. We're most likely done as a result of those issues.

[SeattleUte]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

older paternal age is associated with many diseases in offspring. For example schizophrenia. More well-known are the chromosomal defects among children born to older women.

it's not a trivial thing for an entire society to shift its birthing years to the 30s and 40s.

It's arguably a very bad thing.

Younger paternal age is asssociated with higher incidence of divorce, child abuse, and just plain bad parenting.

[TripletDaddy]

Originally Posted by SeattleUte

35? What are you talking about Tonto? 25 is late for LDS culture. What's wrong with waiting until you're 28? Nothing! 28 is better than 23.

I agree. My point was that if a single LDS male were to delay marriage until his early to mid 30s (the norm for non LDS culture), there would really be no purpose, apart from maybe travel.

The single LDS guy still will not be allowed to sow wild oats, party all night, and get crazy with lots of women. Those are the standard regrets when people look back on their early adulthood.

Education for LDS males is usually not a standard regret.....we encourage the male to get as much education as possible.

I was married when I was 25. It was about right for me. Dating was already getting boring. I don't feel like I missed out on much.

And frankly, judging by the comments and concerns many of my YSA friends have, I don't really want to trade places with any of them. No thanks.

[TripletDaddy]

Originally Posted by Sleeping in EQ

I should mention that I have no regrets (married at 23, SIRS was 24). She is brilliant, gorgeous, and fun, and I couldn't have done any better than I did.

We didn't have any children for seven years.

Well, well........SIRS is a little cougar.

Now THAT is hot!

rowrrr!

[Goatnapper'96]

Originally Posted by landpoke

I was married at 30 and I think that was just about right. I agree with what Dan said above, there is a window there where you're mature enough to get married but not too set in your ways to mess it up. On average that would probably be from your late twenties to early thirties.

Please don't take this as criticism as I know what's right for me isn't right for all people. It's an interesting question for me because you all are a unique subset in this country in that you encourage your young people to get married asap whereas most everyone else is telling them to go and have fun and get married later.

Does the fact that Wyomingites get married when they are older make SWWYOPOKE's pussy hurt?

[MikeWaters]

two of my best friends aren't married. One never married, the other divorced.

I feel bad for the never-married. I'm beginning to think he will never find someone.

[TripletDaddy]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

two of my best friends aren't married. One never married, the other divorced.

I feel bad for the never-married. I'm beginning to think he will never find someone.

Along those lines, go to any average singles ward in the Church and ask everyone to raise their hand if they are really happy being in their early 30s and unmarried.

[UtahDan]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

two of my best friends aren't married. One never married, the other divorced.

I feel bad for the never-married. I'm beginning to think he will never find someone.

He should do what our wives did and lower his standards.