Do you all ever feel shortchanged by your culture's insistence on early marriage - Page 5 - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

TripletDaddy · 07-31-2008, 04:08 PM

What exactly do you learn as a single unmarried person from 25-35 that then makes you a better potential spouse?

Marriages generally succeed or fail based on the selfishness/selflessness of both parties.

Hanging around another 6 or so years won't make you less selfish.

PaloAltoCougar · 07-31-2008, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeattleUte

By the way, I was 26 when I married the first time, and, yes, I was too young.

Given your cultural roots, to which I presume you had remained fairly true to that point, this explains a great deal, as you were probably suffering through much of your young adult life from DSB, a condition a more worldly colleague at the Orrick firm explained to me as "Dreaded Semen Buildup." It causes young men to make some really stupid decisions.

MikeWaters · 07-31-2008, 04:12 PM

I think if we asked SU's ex, she would claim that it was she that made the really stupid decision. No doubt.

UtahDan · 07-31-2008, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TripletDaddy

What exactly do you learn as a single unmarried person from 25-35 that then makes you a better potential spouse?

Marriages generally succeed or fail based on the selfishness/selflessness of both parties.

Hanging around another 6 or so years won't make you less selfish.

I don't know so much 30-35, but I think that 25-30 is the first time most of us become financially stable for the first time (most marriages break up over money if I believe what I'm told) and when the first fully formed version of you that has some idea what he wants his life to look like emerges. I'm not sure it makes you a better spouse, it just gives you a chance to make a better choice and avoid the main issue that marriages end over.

I agree with you that selflessness is the key, along with shared values, commitment and community. I don't know too many marriages that have broken up simply because an immature selection was made by a person who reaches maturity and realizes the error. More often it is because one or both people are selfish in some way.

TripletDaddy · 07-31-2008, 04:14 PM

Incidentally, poke's question is asked in a manner that precludes giving the most important answer......love for spouse and children.

That is like asking someone....."why would anyone bother sacrificing to go to school for years and years when they could be out traveling, having fun, and doing other stuff?"......and then precluding them from giving answers such as future salary, stability, love for learning, etc...

I can ask Poke's same question to a group of non-LDS married men who waited until they were in their late 30s to get married....ask them, "be honest...how many of you feel like right now you are missing out on having sex with other women and being free to do what you want?" Of course there will always be an opportunity cost to being in a relationship. Religion and age are not relevant.

All great things require sacrifice. Marriage is no exception.

The fact that some are less prepared to make those sacrifices is an implication of the individual, not the institution.

UtahDan · 07-31-2008, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

I think if we asked SU's ex, she would claim that it was she that made the really stupid decision. No doubt.

Has anyone ever invited her here?

Mormon Red Death · 07-31-2008, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PaloAltoCougar

Given your cultural roots, to which I presume you had remained fairly true to that point, this explains a great deal, as you were probably suffering through much of your young adult life from DSB, a condition a more worldly colleague at the Orrick firm explained to me as "Dreaded Semen Buildup." It causes young men to make some really stupid decisions.

I always thought it was SRH... Sperm Retention Headache

SeattleUte · 07-31-2008, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PaloAltoCougar

Given your cultural roots, to which I presume you had remained fairly true to that point, this explains a great deal, as you were probably suffering through much of your young adult life from DSB, a condition a more worldly colleague at the Orrick firm explained to me as "Dreaded Semen Buildup." It causes young men to make some really stupid decisions.

I was only true to my cultural roots till age 22. I think probably age 23 is the deadline for gracefully apostatizing. It should happen in college. Afterward, you're stuck.

UtahDan · 07-31-2008, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TripletDaddy

All great things require sacrifice. Marriage is no exception.

The fact that some are less prepared to make those sacrifices is an implication of the individual, not the institution.

Right, but lets say I want to come study at your feet and bring my family, is it better for me to start walking now or should I save up and buy plane tickets? The real question is what is the cost benefit of my impatience to get to you and learn your manifold mysteries.

MikeWaters · 07-31-2008, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UtahDan

Has anyone ever invited her here?

it is his greatest fear that we will one day hear her side of the story.

07-31-2008, 04:08 PM	#41
TripletDaddy Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Orange County, CA Posts: 9,483	What exactly do you learn as a single unmarried person from 25-35 that then makes you a better potential spouse? Marriages generally succeed or fail based on the selfishness/selflessness of both parties. Hanging around another 6 or so years won't make you less selfish. __________________ Fitter. Happier. More Productive. "Everyone is against me. Everyone is fawning for 3D's attention and defending him." -- SeattleUte

07-31-2008, 04:14 PM	#45
TripletDaddy Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Orange County, CA Posts: 9,483	Incidentally, poke's question is asked in a manner that precludes giving the most important answer......love for spouse and children. That is like asking someone....."why would anyone bother sacrificing to go to school for years and years when they could be out traveling, having fun, and doing other stuff?"......and then precluding them from giving answers such as future salary, stability, love for learning, etc... I can ask Poke's same question to a group of non-LDS married men who waited until they were in their late 30s to get married....ask them, "be honest...how many of you feel like right now you are missing out on having sex with other women and being free to do what you want?" Of course there will always be an opportunity cost to being in a relationship. Religion and age are not relevant. All great things require sacrifice. Marriage is no exception. The fact that some are less prepared to make those sacrifices is an implication of the individual, not the institution. __________________ Fitter. Happier. More Productive. "Everyone is against me. Everyone is fawning for 3D's attention and defending him." -- SeattleUte

07-31-2008, 04:12 PM	#43
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	I think if we asked SU's ex, she would claim that it was she that made the really stupid decision. No doubt.