If you had a gay brother

[MikeWaters]

who had come to a belief that the church was wrong to say that having a gay relationship/marriage is evil....

....would it be more comforting for you if he rejected the church outright, or would it be more comforting if he hung on to many aspects of the church, sort of like Anthesian.

Which would make YOU feel better.

Or boiled down:

"I still believe in the gospel, but I'm through with the church."

or

"I'm through with the church, and want nothing to do with any of that in my life."

[SeattleUte]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

"I'm through with the church, and want nothing to do with any of that in my life."

A loving brother should help him to reach this conclusion.

[Indy Coug]

The less he resembles SU, the better.

[Coach McGuirk]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

who had come to a belief that the church was wrong to say that having a gay relationship/marriage is evil....

....would it be more comforting for you if he rejected the church outright, or would it be more comforting if he hung on to many aspects of the church, sort of like Anthesian.

Which would make YOU feel better.

Or boiled down:

"I still believe in the gospel, but I'm through with the church."

or

"I'm through with the church, and want nothing to do with any of that in my life."

Definitely the former, as I have gone through phases of "I still believe in the gospel, but I'm through with the church." myself, so I am familiar with it. I don't think that is better for him though, as in my experience the conflict with what I believe and how i am living always catches up with me.

And in a case where you are gay and have no choice in your physical attractions, it is a train pulling cargo in the opposite direction of a belief system. It would make me miserable and one would have to go.

[UtahDan]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

"I still believe in the gospel, but I'm through with the church."

This one would make me feel better. If my brother were gay and facing what do to next respecting the church and how he would live his life without it, he would need, more than ever, the spirit to guide him and the teachings of the gospel which he still accepts to give him some peace and comfort.

I would hate to see him turn his back to the church, but far worse to turn his back to God. I would much rather have him believe that God loves him but the church misunderstands than to just give up on God. Now of course a person could turn away from the Mormon gospel and still have God in their life, but given the choices you present this is my answer.

[MikeWaters]

Originally Posted by UtahDan

This one would make me feel better. If my brother were gay and facing what do to next respecting the church and how he would live his life without it, he would need, more than ever, the spirit to guide him and the teachings of the gospel which he still accepts to give him some peace and comfort.

I would hate to see him turn his back to the church, but far worse to turn his back to God. I would much rather have him believe that God loves him but the church misunderstands than to just give up on God. Now of course a person could turn away from the Mormon gospel and still have God in their life, but given the choices you present this is my answer.

What if this meant having intense guilt about his decision to have a gay relationship? Would you still feel the same way?

[TripletDaddy]

here is what made me feel better:

"I am finally happy. I used to want to kill myself and went through long bouts of self-loathing, but now I am finally at peace. I am not depressed and look forward to a long life of happiness."

I dont care about which church he attends in this life. God's mercy and wisdom is infinite. God can sort out the judgment stuff.

I used to honestly wonder if my friend was alive if he didnt email me for a week or so. Now when he doesnt email me for a week or so, I simply wonder if he went on a business trip or a vacation. That makes me happy.

[Levin]

Definitely to be done with the Church. I know so many people who do not live the Church's standards and who have left the Church, but who are immensely happy and living good lives. They also have good relationships with loved ones who remain faithful b/c of acceptance and love from both parties.

If my brother were an out and proud gay man, I think he'd live a happier, and more productive life, if he rejected the Church and reset the standards of a worthy life based on his new reality. If he tried to stay close to the Church, all of his other goodness would be shouted down by the one salient fact of his existence -- his sinful sexuality. And that would be like missing the beauty of a flowering garden because of one dead rose.

[UtahDan]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

What if this meant having intense guilt about his decision to have a gay relationship? Would you still feel the same way?

I guess I don't totally see how one can disagree with the church on this topic enough to be shut of it and still feel intense guilt over the very acts he thinks he ought to be able to do. Still, human being are complex and one could see the two things competing.

I guess my answer is that yes it would still be my answer if that guilt could lead him to a reconciliation of his life and behavior with the teachings of the church. Struggle is not always bad, in fact it can be the best thing. On the other hand, if the guilt leads to depression, suicidal thoughts and makes his life awful, and if after a period of time there is simply no resolution, I suppose I would simply want to see him happy which might involve rejecting the Mormon gospel. I would still hope that he would not reject God.

[Jeff Lebowski]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

What if this meant having intense guilt about his decision to have a gay relationship? Would you still feel the same way?

Can't one still love the church and learn to manage guilt? For example, how many of you have learned to be free of guilt about your home teaching performance?