Movie Quotes - Page 3 - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

Jeff Lebowski · 07-27-2006, 10:00 PM

Another treasure trove of classic quotes: Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead.
[a man puts a body on the cart]
Large Man with Dead Body: Here's one.
The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
The Dead Collector: What?
Large Man with Dead Body: Nothing. There's your ninepence.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.
Large Man with Dead Body: Yes he is.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not.
The Dead Collector: He isn't.
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better.
Large Man with Dead Body: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.
The Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart.
Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, don't be such a baby.
The Dead Collector: I can't take him.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine.
Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, do me a favor.
The Dead Collector: I can't.
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
The Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, when's your next round?
The Dead Collector: Thursday.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I think I'll go for a walk.
Large Man with Dead Body: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel happy. I feel happy.
[the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club]
Large Man with Dead Body: Ah, thank you very much.
The Dead Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
Large Man with Dead Body: Right.

il Padrino Ute · 07-28-2006, 12:45 AM

Winger: We're all very different people. We're not Watusi, we're not Spartans, we're Americans. With a capital "A", huh? And you know what that means? Do you? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts.

Winger: C'mon, it's Czechoslovakia. We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czechoslovakia. It's like we're going into *Wisconsin*.
Ziskey: Well I got the shit kicked out of me in Wisconsin once. Forget it!

Ziskey: I've always been kind of a pacifist. When I was a kid, my father told me, "Never hit anyone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it." I don't know what kind of soldier I'm gonna make, but I want you guys to know that if we ever get into really heavy combat... I'll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way.

Oxburger: How's it goin', Eisenhower?

non sequitur · 07-28-2006, 01:07 AM

Alvy Singer: Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

Alvy Singer: There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

Duane: Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist,I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.
Alvy Singer: Right. Well, I have to - I have to go now, Duane, because I, I'm due back on the planet Earth.

Alvy Singer: I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. When I was thrown out, my mother, who was an emotionally high-strung woman, locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of Mah-Jongg tiles. I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss.

Alvy Singer: Oh my God, she's right. Why did I turn off Allison Portchnik? She was beautiful, she was willing. She was real intelligent. Is it the old Groucho Marx joke that I'm - I just don't want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member?

UtahDan · 07-28-2006, 01:32 AM

I was just checking out the end line specs on the rotary....girders.......I'm retarded.

Parrot Head · 07-28-2006, 04:43 AM

bluegoose's made me start thinking of some of these...

Mother: Navin, it's your birthday, and it's time you knew. You're not our natural-born child.
Navin R. Johnson: I'm not? You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?
.................................................. .....

Navin R. Johnson: The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!
Harry Hartounian: Boy, I wish I could get that excited about nothing.
Navin R. Johnson: Nothing? Are you kidding? Page 73 - Johnson, Navin R.! I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity - your name in print - that makes people. I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now.
.................................................. ................

Navin R. Johnson: For one dollar I'll guess your weight, your height, or your sex.

ute4ever · 07-28-2006, 04:53 AM

Each one of here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing help, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding.

-A River Runs Through It

bluegoose · 07-31-2006, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UteStar

How about starting a thread with the best lines from movies. I will start with 2 lines from the classic 'A Mighty Wind.'

"We work together very well. It's almost as like we have one brain that we share between us."

"Thank [goodness] for model trains...You know, if they didn't have the model train, they wouldn't have gotten the idea for the big trains."

Utestar, when you first posted this the other day, I had no idea what you were talking about. And then my wife cam home with "A Mighty Wind" this weekend. I haven't laughed that much at a movie in a long time.

Why had I not heard of this one before? Did it make it to the theatres?

UteStar · 07-31-2006, 08:21 PM

"A Mighty Wind' was the latest movie from Christopher Guest and crew. They are all mockumentary type movies. They have a good following but don't last real long in the movie theaters. If you A Mighty Wind is the only one you have seen from this group of movies, run to the video store and rent these two:

Best in Show--a mockumentary of the Dog competition scene:
"I went to one of those obedience places once... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts."

"[a father is trying to get his son down off the roof] I'll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I'm gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I'll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that?

And one of my all time favorite quotes: "Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about."

After you watch 'Best in Show', rent the all time classic 'This is Spinal Tap.' This movie started it all. After you see that, rent 'Waiting for Guffman' which was the 2nd installment. So, the movies go like this in the order they were made:

1. Spinal Tap--hard rock mockumentary
2. Waiting for Guffman--community play mockumentary
3. Best in Show--dog competition mockumentary
4. A Mighty Wind--folk music mockumentary

A new one is supposed to come out in a year or so. Enjoy.

Mormon Red Death · 08-01-2006, 01:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UteStar

"A Mighty Wind' was the latest movie from Christopher Guest and crew. They are all mockumentary type movies. They have a good following but don't last real long in the movie theaters. If you A Mighty Wind is the only one you have seen from this group of movies, run to the video store and rent these two:

Best in Show--a mockumentary of the Dog competition scene:
"I went to one of those obedience places once... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts."

"[a father is trying to get his son down off the roof] I'll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I'm gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I'll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that?

And one of my all time favorite quotes: "Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about."

After you watch 'Best in Show', rent the all time classic 'This is Spinal Tap.' This movie started it all. After you see that, rent 'Waiting for Guffman' which was the 2nd installment. So, the movies go like this in the order they were made:

1. Spinal Tap--hard rock mockumentary
2. Waiting for Guffman--community play mockumentary
3. Best in Show--dog competition mockumentary
4. A Mighty Wind--folk music mockumentary

A new one is supposed to come out in a year or so. Enjoy.

my favorite quote from waiting for guffman is when that old man is auditioning for the play with the scene from raging bull..

"Did you F*%k my wife?"

That is one of the funniest scenes in cinema history

mpfunk · 08-01-2006, 02:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UteStar

"A Mighty Wind' was the latest movie from Christopher Guest and crew. They are all mockumentary type movies. They have a good following but don't last real long in the movie theaters. If you A Mighty Wind is the only one you have seen from this group of movies, run to the video store and rent these two:

Best in Show--a mockumentary of the Dog competition scene:
"I went to one of those obedience places once... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts."

"[a father is trying to get his son down off the roof] I'll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I'm gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I'll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that?

And one of my all time favorite quotes: "Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about."

After you watch 'Best in Show', rent the all time classic 'This is Spinal Tap.' This movie started it all. After you see that, rent 'Waiting for Guffman' which was the 2nd installment. So, the movies go like this in the order they were made:

1. Spinal Tap--hard rock mockumentary
2. Waiting for Guffman--community play mockumentary
3. Best in Show--dog competition mockumentary
4. A Mighty Wind--folk music mockumentary

A new one is supposed to come out in a year or so. Enjoy.

I disagree rent Waiting for Guffman before renting Best in Show. The quality of the movies in order of best to worst. Worst still being funny.

1. Waiting for Guffman
2. This is Spinal Tap
3. Best in Show
4. A Mighty Wind

07-27-2006, 10:00 PM	#21
Jeff Lebowski Charon Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the heart of darkness (Provo) Posts: 9,564	Another treasure trove of classic quotes: Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead. [a man puts a body on the cart] Large Man with Dead Body: Here's one. The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead. The Dead Collector: What? Large Man with Dead Body: Nothing. There's your ninepence. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead. The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead. Large Man with Dead Body: Yes he is. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not. The Dead Collector: He isn't. Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better. Large Man with Dead Body: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment. The Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart. Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, don't be such a baby. The Dead Collector: I can't take him. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine. Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, do me a favor. The Dead Collector: I can't. Large Man with Dead Body: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long. The Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today. Large Man with Dead Body: Well, when's your next round? The Dead Collector: Thursday. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I think I'll go for a walk. Large Man with Dead Body: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do? The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel happy. I feel happy. [the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club] Large Man with Dead Body: Ah, thank you very much. The Dead Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday. Large Man with Dead Body: Right. __________________ "... the arc of the universe is long but it bends toward justice." Martin Luther King, Jr.

07-28-2006, 12:45 AM	#22
il Padrino Ute Board Pinhead Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the basement of my house, Murray, Utah. Posts: 15,941	Winger: We're all very different people. We're not Watusi, we're not Spartans, we're Americans. With a capital "A", huh? And you know what that means? Do you? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts. Winger: C'mon, it's Czechoslovakia. We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czechoslovakia. It's like we're going into Wisconsin. Ziskey: Well I got the shit kicked out of me in Wisconsin once. Forget it! Ziskey: I've always been kind of a pacifist. When I was a kid, my father told me, "Never hit anyone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it." I don't know what kind of soldier I'm gonna make, but I want you guys to know that if we ever get into really heavy combat... I'll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way. Oxburger: How's it goin', Eisenhower? __________________ "The beauty of baseball is not having to explain it." - Chuck Shriver "This is now the joke that stupid people laugh at." - Christopher Hitchens on IQ jokes about GWB.

07-28-2006, 01:07 AM	#23
non sequitur Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 1,964	Alvy Singer: Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love. Alvy Singer: There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. Duane: Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist,I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline. Alvy Singer: Right. Well, I have to - I have to go now, Duane, because I, I'm due back on the planet Earth. Alvy Singer: I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. When I was thrown out, my mother, who was an emotionally high-strung woman, locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of Mah-Jongg tiles. I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss. Alvy Singer: Oh my God, she's right. Why did I turn off Allison Portchnik? She was beautiful, she was willing. She was real intelligent. Is it the old Groucho Marx joke that I'm - I just don't want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member? __________________ ...You've been under attack for days, there's a soldier down, he's wounded, gangrene's setting in, 'Who's used all the penicillin?' 'Oh, Mark Paxson sir, he's got knob rot off of some tart.'" - Gareth Keenan

07-28-2006, 01:32 AM	#24
UtahDan Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: The Bluth Home Posts: 3,877	I was just checking out the end line specs on the rotary....girders.......I'm retarded. __________________ The Bible tells us how to go to heaven, not how the heavens go. -Galileo

07-28-2006, 04:43 AM	#25
Parrot Head Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 763	bluegoose's made me start thinking of some of these... Mother: Navin, it's your birthday, and it's time you knew. You're not our natural-born child. Navin R. Johnson: I'm not? You mean I'm gonna STAY this color? .................................................. ..... Navin R. Johnson: The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! Harry Hartounian: Boy, I wish I could get that excited about nothing. Navin R. Johnson: Nothing? Are you kidding? Page 73 - Johnson, Navin R.! I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity - your name in print - that makes people. I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now. .................................................. ................ Navin R. Johnson: For one dollar I'll guess your weight, your height, or your sex. __________________ Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude. - Bronco, when asked how to describe PH

07-28-2006, 04:53 AM	#26
ute4ever I must not tell lies Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 5,103	Each one of here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing help, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding. -A River Runs Through It

07-31-2006, 08:21 PM	#28
UteStar Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 1,817	"A Mighty Wind' was the latest movie from Christopher Guest and crew. They are all mockumentary type movies. They have a good following but don't last real long in the movie theaters. If you A Mighty Wind is the only one you have seen from this group of movies, run to the video store and rent these two: Best in Show--a mockumentary of the Dog competition scene: "I went to one of those obedience places once... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts." "[a father is trying to get his son down off the roof] I'll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I'm gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I'll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that? And one of my all time favorite quotes: "Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about." After you watch 'Best in Show', rent the all time classic 'This is Spinal Tap.' This movie started it all. After you see that, rent 'Waiting for Guffman' which was the 2nd installment. So, the movies go like this in the order they were made: 1. Spinal Tap--hard rock mockumentary 2. Waiting for Guffman--community play mockumentary 3. Best in Show--dog competition mockumentary 4. A Mighty Wind--folk music mockumentary A new one is supposed to come out in a year or so. Enjoy.