Are we a Prozac People?

[RedHeadGal]

Originally Posted by Archaea

I don't doubt your characterization is part of the equation, but it just seemed so surreal, so lacking in humanity. Yes internal resolution and some peace with events is important for psychological health, but the attitude about a very horrible thing not bothering them seemed very Children of the Cornish. Dali would be proud.

In reality, I kinda expect people to internalize more, "it was horrific, and still pains me from time to time, but I've come to grips with it in this manner...."

How can we build up those who suffer if we expect them to "just have faith and get over it?" It also ignores those will biologically originated emotional difficulties and many other issues. It appears to me, we believe "Gospel" answers everything like magic, but perhaps I'm oversimplifying.

I do feel like I have heard some "it was hard" expressed in context with how people explain their healing process. But maybe for the purposes of church lessons, it feels like the wrong place to let the bad parts hang out. They can be very personal and very individual.

E.g. My mother died of cancer several years ago. She was relatively young, with children still at home. Her diagnosis was terminal from the start, so from that point in her life, she underwent treatment but was basically deteriorating. And when she died, I would have to say the chief emotion for my family was relief. Relief that the moment we had been dreading had finally come. Relief that she wasn't sick any more, etc. They [who made this happen, I can't recall] even trotted out her children to sing at the funeral. (I dissented, as I thought it was too much to ask for us to perform, but I was overruled). Anyway, I was also relieved that my mom was gone. This is terrible to say, but she and I had a very difficult relationship--made worse and not better with her terminal diagnosis--and she had a power over me that no one else did. I hated it. So that lifted at her passing. I hesitate to type it here, too, because it seems so ungrateful, which I don't think I am.

Anyway, after the funeral, I returned home and realized that I didn't have to call my mom to tell her I arrived safely. I didn't have anyone to call because no one else would have been wondering. And I just lost it. But underlying all that was the feeling that I, who was relieved at her passing, had no right to grieve. For a long time I walked a balance of how much I thought it was okay for me to feel bad--maybe I still do. It was a complicated story for me, and a personal one.

I would not tell this story in a church class without tying it up in a neater bow. I bet everyone has stories like that but they just question their faith-promoting aspects. Whether that's a bad thing is perhaps subject to debate.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by RedHeadGal

I do feel like I have heard some "it was hard" expressed in context with how people explain their healing process. But maybe for the purposes of church lessons, it feels like the wrong place to let the bad parts hang out. They can be very personal and very individual.

E.g. My mother died of cancer several years ago. She was relatively young, with children still at home. Her diagnosis was terminal from the start, so from that point in her life, she underwent treatment but was basically deteriorating. And when she died, I would have to say the chief emotion for my family was relief. Relief that the moment we had been dreading had finally come. Relief that she wasn't sick any more, etc. They [who made this happen, I can't recall] even trotted out her children to sing at the funeral. (I dissented, as I thought it was too much to ask for us to perform, but I was overruled). Anyway, I was also relieved that my mom was gone. This is terrible to say, but she and I had a very difficult relationship--made worse and not better with her terminal diagnosis--and she had a power over me that no one else did. I hated it. So that lifted at her passing. I hesitate to type it here, too, because it seems so ungrateful, which I don't think I am.

Anyway, after the funeral, I returned home and realized that I didn't have to call my mom to tell her I arrived safely. I didn't have anyone to call because no one else would have been wondering. And I just lost it. But underlying all that was the feeling that I, who was relieved at her passing, had no right to grieve. For a long time I walked a balance of how much I thought it was okay for me to feel bad--maybe I still do. It was a complicated story for me, and a personal one.

I would not tell this story in a church class without tying it up in a neater bow. I bet everyone has stories like that but they just question their faith-promoting aspects. Whether that's a bad thing is perhaps subject to debate.

thank you for sharing. Not all of us have those stories, so it helps others who struggle to hear it's okay to struggle. Perhaps better balance is in order as everything is about being sanguine in the face of the worst tragedies.

[TripletDaddy]

I guess my experiences are different.

I havent noticed an abudance of people at Church expressing gratitude for awful things in their lives.

I have seen some people try to put their trials into perspective, but I always assumed that doing so was almost a sort of self-catharsis....a way of telling themselves that they would be ok.

In fact, I have never heard anything teaching or encouraging us to not express sorrow and grief. Doesn't the Church have an LDS counseling service? LDS marriage counseling, as well? If anything, the Church recognizes that people grive and have sucky lives sometimes.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by TripletDaddy

I guess my experiences are different.

I havent noticed an abudance of people at Church expressing gratitude for awful things in their lives.

I have seen some people try to put their trials into perspective, but I always assumed that doing so was almost a sort of self-catharsis....a way of telling themselves that they would be ok.

In fact, I have never heard anything teaching or encouraging us to not express sorrow and grief. Doesn't the Church have an LDS counseling service? LDS marriage counseling, as well? If anything, the Church recognizes that people grive and have sucky lives sometimes.

This is the lesson which went weirdly.

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vg...ontentLocale=0

[Mindfulcoug]

Originally Posted by Archaea

thank you for sharing. Not all of us have those stories, so it helps others who struggle to hear it's okay to struggle. Perhaps better balance is in order as everything is about being sanguine in the face of the worst tragedies.

This reminds of watching a program being made for American kids who have their parents deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan and the performers had made a huge effort to let kids understand that "It is not that bad to be sad sometimes".
It was sort of interesting to me when i recalled Afghani kids who had no idea what happiness is.

[TripletDaddy]

At a brief glance, I could see how the instructor may have spent more time focusing on "suffering only for a moment" aspect, thereby giving the impression that grief and sorrow is for the weak.

I will channel my inner mikewaters and share a ward anecdote......we are friends with a young married couple of similar age...they have 3 young children. Mom was pregnant....about 7 months along. It was their first boy. They lost the baby about 2 months ago. The family didnt even return to Church because they were so distraught. The husband (and surfing compadre of mine) confided that one of the reasons they stayed away was because they didnt want to hear from everyone that their son was in a better place, etc...I think they just wanted to be left alone to grive through it in a way that felt right to them. I do not blame them on bit. And in recounting that story, I guess you have a point....sometimes people just want their feelings validated.

[FarrahWaters]

I appreciate you sharing that personal story, RHG.

I had a different experience than in our class yesterday (same lesson). The woman had lost her husband very unexpectedly a few years ago (they came home from vacation, and he just laid down on the couch to rest and never woke up). This woman talked about the different shades of grief she felt, including how anger at the deceased is a common emotion. She spoke steadily for most of the account, then broke down a little when she spoke of how her daughter helped her get through it. She initially didn't want to burden her daughter (who was busy with law school) with these strong emotions, but found that it was cathartic for both of them.

In the past 6 years of being in this Relief Society, I don't hear the kind of glossed over, Prozac-like reactions that were discussed in the OP. I hear things like "happiness does always mean you're having fun", which I take to mean that happiness can come from raw human emotions, and can be bittersweet at times.

[SoCalCoug]

The lady in our ward who piped up a couple of weeks ago (not that she isn't quick to share her opinions all the time) about how she doesn't have fear because she has faith is leaving on a mission with her husband this week.

One down, and about twenty more to go from my ward.

[SoCalCoug]

Originally Posted by SoCalCoug

The lady in our ward who piped up a couple of weeks ago (not that she isn't quick to share her opinions all the time) about how she doesn't have fear because she has faith is leaving on a mission with her husband this week.

One down, and about twenty more to go from my ward.

Come to think of it, her husband was the one who, in priesthood, questioned the testimony of anyone who didn't raise their hands to go "walk the precincts" for Prop 8. So I guess it's two down.

[ute4ever]

I've had my share of prolongued difficulties, but have never sought the medicated escape route; instead I overload on caffeine. Is that essentially the same thing?