Stake Conf. Topic: Sexaul Intimacy

[ERCougar]

Actually, this brings a recent experience to mind. Since no one knows me here (and DDD is the only one I know...), I think I can share it.

I'm the youngest guy in my group by a good ten years. We have a PA who's about my same age who works with us on the weekends. The other day, during a semi-slow shift, she says, "Can I ask you something? Are there ever times when you're just not in the mood?" We get talking for a little bit, and it turns out that she has not been interested in sex for about the last 18 months. Not once. In fairness, she gave birth about nine months ago, had a fairly rough pregnancy, and her child still doesn't sleep through the night. But she also said that her husband's let himself go, and she's wondering if she should say something to him. I told her to get her kid sleeping through the night, get enough rest, then see where she stands, but if at that point, she still isn't interested, she should say something. I know I'd want to know.

Anyway, judging from the guys I see in my ward, I wouldn't be surprised if this is the problem at least some of the time.

[creekster]

Originally Posted by Archaea

My only suggestion is to take away guilt for having these feelings and encourage adults to understand, even as youth, that it's part of being human. The goal should be to encourage healthy relationships, and a healthy interchange requires healthy relationships.

Isn't that pretty much what they are apparently trying to do?

[ERCougar]

Originally Posted by creekster

Isn't that pretty much what they are apparently trying to do?

Yeah, but at this point, they're way too late in the game. I'm with Arch--this has to start at least in the teens.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by creekster

Isn't that pretty much what they are apparently trying to do?

It sounds like it. There really isn't much they can do, other than to subtly change the cultural repression. In reality, they should probably consult psychologists and family therapists to ask what they should be saying in order to send positive, non-threatening messages which will actually help.

[smokymountainrain]

Originally Posted by ERCougar

But she also said that her husband's let himself go, and she's wondering if she should say something to him.

Just come right out and say it...She wants to do you.

[RockyBalboa]

Originally Posted by ERCougar

Yeah, but at this point, they're way too late in the game. I'm with Arch--this has to start at least in the teens.

I agree.

Problem is the church has always shied away from dealing with the subject and instead used an approach strongly based in guilt mongering...which ends up creating an army of sexual camels with major issues to overcome later on.

[creekster]

Originally Posted by ERCougar

Yeah, but at this point, they're way too late in the game. I'm with Arch--this has to start at least in the teens.

So you think that would overcome the deep rooted set point you originally posted about?

After all the comments I have read from this group over time on this and simialr topics I find it amusing that you are so quick to be critical of this effort. I applaud the effort and imagine it cannot lead to harm and may lead to benefits. Why not?

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by ERCougar

Yeah, but at this point, they're way too late in the game. I'm with Arch--this has to start at least in the teens.

Ideally it starts with the families, but should be reenforced within the faith community but subtle and direct messages.

Proper "intimacy" starts with intimacy of feelings between the membership of a couple. And if teens see it modeled by parents, it would be helpful.

And then there should be no embarrassment discussing it, even if discussions are reserved for a rare few. Many within our culture don't know where to get help, and it's sad, very sad.

Many marriages could be saved if this issue were addressed more delicately but effectively. It's obviously not the only issue, but it's a major issue.

[creekster]

Originally Posted by Archaea

Ideally it starts with the families, but should be reenforced within the faith community but subtle and direct messages.

Proper "intimacy" starts with intimacy of feelings between the membership of a couple. And if teens see it modeled by parents, it would be helpful.

And then there should be no embarrassment discussing it, even if discussions are reserved for a rare few. Many within our culture don't know where to get help, and it's sad, very sad.

Many marriages could be saved if this issue were addressed more delicately but effectively. It's obviously not the only issue, but it's a major issue.

And how do you start this effort? This is exactly what they are doing here. THe church can't win for losing around here.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

I agree.

Problem is the church has always shied away from dealing with the subject and instead used an approach strongly based in guilt mongering...which ends up creating an army of sexual camels with major issues to overcome later on.

Leadership shies away from the topic because leadership is unqualified to address it sociologically or professionally, for the most part. We would have to lean on professionals, not something the lay leadership is wont to do. And that's the problem. If lay leadership can learn to trust good professionals, progress for the benefit of the flock can be made.