OK you potential Bishops out there

[cougjunkie]

I just want to let everyone know that i did have sex before i was married and my wife still loves me. It is possible dont give up hope, not everyone is like BDB. Also i do not have any emotional baggage either.

[Black Diamond Bay]

Originally Posted by cougjunkie

I just want to let everyone know that i did have sex before i was married and my wife still loves me. It is possible dont give up hope, not everyone is like BDB. Also i do not have any emotional baggage either.

Thank you for that public announcement.

Have I said somewhere that that I don't believe in repentance, the atonement, or that I would hang it over his head what he's done? I'm pretty sure I also didn't write anything in here about judging the repented, or gave any indication that it would personally be a problem for me? (I'm unsure whether or not it would be, I think that would depend entirely on how the other person has emotionally, mentally, & spiritually dealt with the experience. It's like dating a divorced guy, some of them cope with it, and move on, and some of them take a victim mentality and never get over it. There's no cookie cutter answer.)

Personally I don't want to be married to someone who acts like it's some deep dark secret, and is going to tell me it's none of my business if I did ask. I'd say that demonstrates a pretty severe lack of trust in the other person's testimony in the atonement, and ability to love you for who you are. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything.

Not everyone that has emotional baggage is even aware of it. (Which is in no way meant to insinuate that you are bogged down & unaware.) So, I don't think there's anything wrong with inquiring before you marry someone whether or not there is a past history. It's something that may seriously impact the relationship, and my experience has been that everyone feels better once it's out in the open anyway. It's really no big deal "have you had sex before" "yes...(this is where they tell you what they feel is relevant)" "So it's been taken care of?" "Yes." "Okay." Why would you want to marry someone that would have a problem with that conversation?

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by Black Diamond Bay

Thank you for that public announcement.

Have I said somewhere that that I don't believe in repentance, the atonement, or that I would hang it over his head what he's done? I'm pretty sure I also didn't write anything in here about judging the repented, or gave any indication that it would personally be a problem for me? (I'm unsure whether or not it would be, I think that would depend entirely on how the other person has emotionally, mentally, & spiritually dealt with the experience. It's like dating a divorced guy, some of them cope with it, and move on, and some of them take a victim mentality and never get over it. There's no cookie cutter answer.)

Personally I don't want to be married to someone who acts like it's some deep dark secret, and is going to tell me it's none of my business if I did ask. I'd say that demonstrates a pretty severe lack of trust in the other person's testimony in the atonement, and ability to love you for who you are. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything.

Not everyone that has emotional baggage is even aware of it. (Which is in no way meant to insinuate that you are bogged down & unaware.) So, I don't think there's anything wrong with inquiring before you marry someone whether or not there is a past history. It's something that may seriously impact the relationship, and my experience has been that everyone feels better once it's out in the open anyway. It's really no big deal "have you had sex before" "yes...(this is where they tell you what they feel is relevant)" "So it's been taken care of?" "Yes." "Okay." Why would you want to marry someone that would have a problem with that conversation?

If somebody you cared asked in a caring way, one would likely disclose any past indiscretions. If somebody were acting like a peeping tom, then that would be a signal to stay away.

What's done is done, and if somebody can't bear, better to know up front than later.

[RockyBalboa]

Originally Posted by Black Diamond Bay

...and exactly how is that relevant?

Surely you're not suggesting that every older person that is dating should go in with the anticipation that the other person has been guilty of serious sexual trangression. Therefore, the repented should never have to disclose the fact that there may be some leftover emotional baggage from the experience. The other party should just expect it, and if they don't, it's their own stupid fault for being so naive as to not have anticipated that to be the case. Please tell me that's not the "logic" at play here.

It's pretty obvious why it's relevant, and it's already been pointed out numerous times why it is...but since you've missed it or just might flat out disagree with it.... I'll point it out again......cause in the LDS Dating Culture...some people still think that some into their 30's and 40's have lived a completely 100% chaste life up to that point and irrationally expect whoever they date to have done the same.....where the fact is the majority of singles in that age group will have some kind of sexual transgression in their past,,,and if it is discovered or revealed...the last thing the person finding out about it should be is shocked. And yes...to not think there might be some kind of "baggage" in that respect is incredibly naive, even in the LDS Culture.

And yes it is the other party's fault for being stupidly naive. Growing older unfortunately doesn't increase some people's common sense and or help with their naivety. Especially in LDS Dating.

Ironically those who don't have any kind of sexual sin or experience in their past in regards to the age dating group I'm referring to...are typically the ones who have the most issues anyways.

[Tex]

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

cause in the LDS Dating Culture...some people still think that some into their 30's and 40's have lived a completely 100% chaste life up to that point and irrationally expect whoever they date to have done the same.....where the fact is the majority of singles in that age group will have some kind of sexual transgression in their past

The majority of never-married singles in their 30's and 40's have sexual transgression in their past? That's a pretty bold statement ... you have anything besides anecdotes to back it up?

[RockyBalboa]

Originally Posted by Tex

The majority of never-married singles in their 30's and 40's have sexual transgression in their past? That's a pretty bold statement ... you have anything besides anecdotes to back it up?

Where did I say never married singles? I didn't, and I never said I was referring to just them.

However I include them into that age group I'm referring to.

You might think it's a bold statement...no I don't have any data to back it up.

Experience, common sense, and knowing many who are in this age range and predicament or who have been actually get this.

It's not really that difficult to comprehend.

[Tex]

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

Where did I say never married singles?

However I include them into that age group I'm referring to.

Well, I guess I assumed you weren't referring to sexual relations they might have had within marriage. Still, even if you included formerly married but now single members ... that's still a pretty bold statement to make.

Although ironically, I'd wager the transgression scale weighs heavier for divorcees than never-marrieds. That's just a hunch.

EDIT: Just saw your edit. I understand what you're saying, but I have some experience in this realm as well. I don't think you're right, but I can't prove it.

[Black Diamond Bay]

Originally Posted by RockyBalboa

It's pretty obvious why it's relevant, and it's already been pointed out numerous times why it is...but since you've missed it or just might flat out disagree with it.... I'll point it out again......cause in the LDS Dating Culture...some people still think that some into their 30's and 40's have lived a completely 100% chaste life up to that point and irrationally expect whoever they date to have done the same.....where the fact is the majority of singles in that age group will have some kind of sexual transgression in their past,,,and if it is discovered or revealed...the last thing the person finding out about it should be is shocked. And yes...to not think there might be some kind of "baggage" in that respect is incredibly naive, even in the LDS Culture.

And yes it is the other party's fault for being stupidly naive. Growing older unfortunately doesn't increase some people's common sense and or help with their naivety. Especially in LDS Dating.

Ironically those who don't have any kind of sexual sin or experience in their past in regards to the age dating group I'm referring to...are typically the ones who have the most issues anyways.

Oh WOW.

Growing older may not help with some people's naivety, but apparently it will make others cynical and distrustful.

[RockyBalboa]

Originally Posted by Black Diamond Bay

Oh WOW.

Growing older may not help with some people's naivety, but apparently it will make others cynical and distrustful.

The irony from that is so hilarious and obvious that I could point out why,,but to prevent the debate from growing,,,I'll refrain.

[RockyBalboa]

Originally Posted by Tex

Well, I guess I assumed you weren't referring to sexual relations they might have had within marriage. Still, even if you included formerly married but now single members ... that's still a pretty bold statement to make.

Although ironically, I'd wager the transgression scale weighs heavier for divorcees than never-marrieds. That's just a hunch.

EDIT: Just saw your edit. I understand what you're saying, but I have some experience in this realm as well. I don't think you're right, but I can't prove it.

If it's a bold statement, then so be it.

And of course you don't think I'm right..you tend to fall on the extreme religious side of things, so that's no surprise.