Has anyone else ever taken a break from church?

[cougarobgon]

Originally Posted by observer

I have way way way too much stress in my life right now. I have a wife, 5 super busy kids, 2 full time jobs, and simply too much to do. Sleep has been a huge chore for me for many years as some exceptionally scary things happen to me during the night. Believe it or not, I never get more than 2 or 3 hours of sleep per night, and sometimes much less than that. This has been going on for 30 years or more. Anyway, I have been approaching a monstrous breakdown for some time now and something had to give.

I have taught Primary for more than 17 years, and I love doing it, but a couple weeks back I pretty much lost it in class. So...after careful consideration over all this I went to my bishop, shared my testimony with him of the truthfulness of the gospel, and then asked him to release me from my callings and church responsibilities. I went on to inform him that the only stressful thing in my life that I can give up right now is the church - I simply need a break. He was rightfully concerned, but he begrudgingly agreed to let me do what is best for me.

I told him that I am not planning on attending meetings for awhile (I called it a sabbatical), but am not going to give up my membership or anything like that. Getting away for awhile is really the only way I can cope with life right now. I figured I could either just quit going without telling anyone, continue to go and pretend that everything is okay, or I could let the bishop know of my decision so that he knows why I am doing it. Incidentally, it took about 2 hours before the ward's "Save Observer Committee" was up and running in full swing.

This happened this past Sunday, and I have been more relaxed and less stressed than I have been in many years. I am not trying to convince anyone else that I am doing the right thing. I made my decision and am going to live with the results. My purpose in writing this is because I want to know if any of the rest of you have ever done such a thing, and if so...how did it turn out for you?

Tough situation that I've never experienced with respect to wanting to take time off from church. I have however, found myself in similar circumstances with respect to how busy you are, ie, two jobs, graduate school, 5 kids, and a calling that required 10-20 hrs per week of my time all happening at once. So I can relate to wanting to find a way to relieve some stress. Unlike your experience with your ward, I found mine to be very friendly, warm and caring. While I did not have time to socialize with them, given my schedule, many recognized the burden that I was under and relieved some of my stress by being kind and considerate to my family and I. Their simple acts of kindness meant a lot to me and made life a bit easier.

My counsel to those that found themselves wanting to take time of from Church for various reasons, was that staying away from Church was not the solution. I am not going to pass judgment on your decision to stay away for 6-12 months, that time off may indeed regenerate your enthusiasm and desire for what the church has to offer. I have not walked in your shoes and will not pretend to know what burdens you face, but, just on the limited information posted on this board, my concerns are about how your decision will affect the rest of your family. I have found spouses that attend church by themselves can be overburdened by having to deal with 5 children on their own and eventually find it easier to stay home than deal with changing diapers, discipline, etc... Your children may decide one Sunday they want to stay home with Dad. While your child's desire may be warranted, given your schedule, how is their spiritual growth affected by staying away from church?

Please don't consider my comments as criticism of your decision. I hope my post does not come across that way. Good luck and I hope things work out.

[MikeWaters]

Confession time: I almost lost it a little while back in dealing with a situation in my calling.

It really startled me and caused me to reflect on what I was doing, and what I could hope to achieve. I know for a fact that I am getting burned out, but I am trying to reinvent things and get excited again, simply to help the kids I work with.

When other men shrank, I continued on. LOL. Foolishly.

[observer]

cougarobgon,
That is exactly the worry I have had about taking time off from the church. My family is of the highest importance to me and I do not want them following in my footsteps in regard to this decision, but I was seriously going to lose it if I didn't do something. Luckily my children are way beyond the diaper stage, but I know exactly what you mean about my wife being alone at church. My kids are 17, 16, 14, 9, and 7 so they are pretty independent at church anyway. I decided that I needed to make this decision for my own sanity, and I have no regrets at this point.

As far as considering your comments criticism, nothing could be further from the truth. Your opinion probably would have bothered me 6 months ago, but I am so fully beat down and worn out that I simply don't get my feelings hurt anymore. I actually appreciate your comments, and you are certainly right about much of what you wrote. It's just that I can no longer pretend that everything is okay when it clearly is not.

I am so happy that you had a loving ward that showed care and concern for you and your family. Unfortunately I do not have the same feelings of acceptance in my ward. I told my bishop about my feelings of not being needed in church, and he became very upset about it. He showed sincere concern for me, and not just my eternal salvation. He was mostly worried about my ability to function in the real world being under so much stress. He asked me if there was anything he could do to make me feel more comfortable in church, and I said there really was not at this point. I told him my decision is final, but I appreciate his concern.

Anyway, the bishop did ask me if I would go in and see him in a month - I told him I would, and I am looking forward to it. Hopefully things will improve in my life and I can return to full activity in the not too distant future. Thanks for your comments.

[BarbaraGordon]

Originally Posted by observer

Did any of you ever take a break from church?

yes, but in my tradition it's not such a big deal.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by BarbaraGordon

yes, but in my tradition it's not such a big deal.

We could learn a thing or two from our evangelical neighbors.

[NorCal Cat]

Originally Posted by observer

I have way way way too much stress in my life right now. I have a wife, 5 super busy kids, 2 full time jobs, and simply too much to do. Sleep has been a huge chore for me for many years as some exceptionally scary things happen to me during the night. Believe it or not, I never get more than 2 or 3 hours of sleep per night, and sometimes much less than that. This has been going on for 30 years or more. Anyway, I have been approaching a monstrous breakdown for some time now and something had to give.

I have taught Primary for more than 17 years, and I love doing it, but a couple weeks back I pretty much lost it in class. So...after careful consideration over all this I went to my bishop, shared my testimony with him of the truthfulness of the gospel, and then asked him to release me from my callings and church responsibilities. I went on to inform him that the only stressful thing in my life that I can give up right now is the church - I simply need a break. He was rightfully concerned, but he begrudgingly agreed to let me do what is best for me.

I told him that I am not planning on attending meetings for awhile (I called it a sabbatical), but am not going to give up my membership or anything like that. Getting away for awhile is really the only way I can cope with life right now. I figured I could either just quit going without telling anyone, continue to go and pretend that everything is okay, or I could let the bishop know of my decision so that he knows why I am doing it. Incidentally, it took about 2 hours before the ward's "Save Observer Committee" was up and running in full swing.

This happened this past Sunday, and I have been more relaxed and less stressed than I have been in many years. I am not trying to convince anyone else that I am doing the right thing. I made my decision and am going to live with the results. My purpose in writing this is because I want to know if any of the rest of you have ever done such a thing, and if so...how did it turn out for you?

I have read all your posts in this thread, but I'm still not sure why or how going to church and teaching primary (my current calling also) is causing you so much stress in your life. Or how not going to church is helping you so much?

If you are too stressed to teach primary in the way you feel you should, then why not just ask to be released, and continue to attend church? You have wife and five kids, who I assume all love you. Who gives a crap what anyone else in the ward thinks?


Maybe the Lord prompted you to sit in front of that couple so you could tell the woman to shut her trap when she told you to move?

[NorCal Cat]

Originally Posted by Archaea

We could learn a thing or two from our evangelical neighbors.

And what would that be?

[MikeWaters]

Originally Posted by NorCal Cat

And what would that be?

It's not an evangelical church, but rather a Methodist church I happened in.

http://cougarguard.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25054

I'd have really liked to have heard that program.

[observer]

You are right, it really doesn't matter what the crap the rest of the ward thinks. Unfortunately, not everyone has the same amount of self confidence that it takes to not care what others think. I am a person who has always been just a little on the insecure side so I struggle with this. I'm glad you don't, but I will say it is a very tough thing to deal with when you feel like people simply do not care about or like you. Feeling accepted at church is an important aspect to full activity. I will tell you this for sure, nobody has ever left the church because people were too genuinely friendly towards them.

So... taking a break from church has been a great thing in my life for the past few weeks as I feel much better about my self. The pressure of attending meetings and feeling self-conscious about what others may be thinking and/or saying about me has been greatly reduced. I may not agree with you completely, but I certainly appreciate the fact that you responded. Have a great day.