How are excommunicated members generally treated?

[RockyBalboa]

Someone near and dear to me was just excommunicated and I know that I will not treat him any differently than I did before. My question based on your experience with others, whether it be family, friends, or even yourself if you wish to share, what was your experience like and how differently were your friend/family member or yourself treated by your own family members, friends, ward members etc..?

He has some serious concerns though about how he's going to be treated. He wants to continue going to church even though he knows it will be a few years before he gets his blessings re-instated. I told him you never really know how long it will be because a lot of varying factors can play into it. It could be sooner than you expect, you never really know.

Anyways, he is REALLY scared and still in a lot of hurt & pain over what has happened. He doesn't hold any animosity towards the church and he knew that excommunication was the likely outcome from some of his past indiscretions.

My heart is just aching right now cause he is such an awesome guy and I'm worried that if he gets treated with derision and is ignored that he'll grow dis-illusioned and eventually his desire to once again hold the priesthood and have his blessings restored will wane.

Any counsel, advice given would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

[Archaea]

Some people will probably try to treat him better than before.

Some people may be standoffish, not knowing how to treat him.

Some people may stay away.

And your friend may "sense" differences, where there really are no differences. He will not have the Gift, so he will feel differently, no matter what.

[WaterCat]

Nothing changed in how he was treated socially. He seemed less inclined to get involved in church related activities, probably because he didn't want to over step his bounds even though he didn't really know the boundaries. Have your friend discuss with the Bishop exactly what he can participate in and do within the ward. As with all of us, if you want friends and social interaction with members, you have to go where they are. You have to help people move in, you have to clean the building on Saturdays and go to EQ activities. Those avenues of service/socialization are still open to an excommunicated member. Certain callings, prayers, and priesthood responsibilities are not that's where you talk the person has to work with the Bishop and get the inside scoop.

[fusnik11]

i didnt even know people got excommunicated in the church anymore unless they....

a. wanted no part of the church.

b. were pedophiles.

c. were polygamists.

d. committed adultery multiple times.

e. flaming homosexuals.

i think there is a flaw in the excommunication process, or maybe a misundersanding on my part. if someone repents for banging someones wife, confesses, blah, blah, blah....and a few years later bangs another dudes wife, is the past sins of a person brought into the discussion?

i was under the impression that after the excommunication debacle following the miracle of forgiveness, where people were exed like it was going out of style that the church distanced itself far from the action and favors disfellowshipping....

[realtall]

Originally Posted by fusnik11

i didnt even know people got excommunicated in the church anymore unless they....

a. wanted no part of the church.

b. were pedophiles.

c. were polygamists.

d. committed adultery multiple times.

e. flaming homosexuals.

I would add embezzling church funds to that list. It may be the fastest ticket out of the church than any of the others.

[Parrot Head]

Originally Posted by WaterCat

You have to help people move in, you have to clean the building on Saturdays and go to EQ activities. Those avenues of service/socialization are still open to an excommunicated member.

You still have to do that stuff? Well, there goes my motivation for going too far one of these days.

[RockyBalboa]

He was ex'd for having pre-martial...or post marital sex,,depending on how you look at it with a number of women.

I know several women who have done this that haven't gotten ex'd, much less disfellowshipped.

I'm guessing the difference was he was a priesthood holder. Granted I'm not in the court and I understand things are led and guided by the spirit, but based on people I've been speaking to the last few days I'm a little surprised now that he was ex'd, instead of disfellowshipped.

[FMCoug]

Speaking only of sexual sins here:

In my experiences with this (from the church's side, not my own), ExCommunication vs. disfellowshipment is generally a function of the following:

1. Member's status (endowed, melch. priesthood, leadership position, Returned Missionary, etc.). Where Much is given much is required. A temple-married returned missionary who has been an EQP for example will be dealt with much more harshly than say an 18 year old who just got the Melch. Priesthood.

2. Severity of the offense and the attitude of the member.

3. I hate to add this one but the SP/Bishop's disposition. Some are much more compassionate and others are more "mulla-ish".

[FMCoug]

One more thing.

Regarding how to treat them. In most cases, you may not even know that a member has been exed (or that there is any kind of church discipline in place). This is mainly to protect the families. I have known of at least 3 situations where the father's from upstanding, super-active families were exed and nobody knew. They were on the path to repentance and attended church, etc. In fact I actually ran interference for one of them when he was asked to give a prayer in a meeting.

[UtahDan]

I have to be honest and say that I don't understand why any repentant person is ever excommunicated. I do understand why the church has to cut certain unrepentants out of the picture, but not those who want to maintain their membership.

I think the effect is to permanently alienate from the church many who might otherwise still be "redeemable." I'm not saying that these folks don't bring it about by their actions, I'm just saying that we ought to think about whether excommunication is the best way to "perfect the saints" and to be merciful. I think we ought to show the same tenacity in keeping sinners on our membership roles as we do inactives and even those who want nothing to do with us.

I guess my bottom line is, what harm does it really do to show mercy? I know some will disagree with this, but I am hard pressed to think of an example in scripture where the Master cut a person off and declined to forgive a person who was truly repentant. There are abundant examples, however, of those with fairly serious sins being being extended mercy and forgiveness when they asked for it with sincereity. I have just never felt that the discipline system we have really comports very well with how He treated sinners during his life. I get the idea that some people benefit from the "struggle" but many others are permanently lost. Those who have sinned seriously are struggling in some way in any case an need to be embraced, not have impediments to their participation created.

Not that I will ever be in such a position, but if I ever were I am certain that my approach will be show mercy and let the Lord sort it out if I am wrong.