Acts of unappreciated kindness - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

MikeWaters · 12-13-2005, 02:46 PM

my advisor gave me some advice, that he had heard from Ross Perot. This is an approximate quote:

If you don't mind not getting credit, there's no limit to the good you can do.

Last year our ward gave a lot of presents to a needy family that I hometeach. All the food and presents were at the Bishop's, I stuffed them in my car and called this family to drop them off. They said "not tonight." "some other time." So I called back the next day, and brought the stuff over. I also got them a decent gift certificate myself, which I said was from me and the other hometeacher.

Well after all this, I never heard a word from them about it. No thank you, nothing.

I'm not really one to hold a grudge, but the lack of normal social graces is kind of annoying. I recognize this as a symptom of their dysfunction, and not that they are inherently ungrateful people. Having said that, I am not feeling nearly as motivated this year. I think the gift value gets cut in half this year...

All-American · 12-13-2005, 03:33 PM

Not to say that yours is such an act, but often, acts of kindness are much more self-serving than selfless serving.

If service is given because "it's that time of year," or to avoid that feeling of guilt that comes when you spend time and money on an activity in which you have fun, the person receiving service inevitably feels used. All that person is in the end is a spiritual prostitute-- you give them money and you go away feeling good about yourself. I've got home teachers like that-- it's pretty clear that the only reason they come by is to fulfill an assignment. They can't be righteous if they don't do their home teaching, after all.

Acts of kindness often go unappreciated because the giver has already received his reward: a boost of self-righteousness and a good report to give the Elders Quorum President.

I'm sure a lot of acts of kindness with good intentions are interpreted the same way.

Archaea · 12-13-2005, 03:54 PM

A person tries to do good deeds by offering acts of kindness. If our hearts are not quite right, we may receive no reward in terms of spirituality. Even if we do, sometimes the receiver isn't ready. Rarely do all things coincide well.

tooblue · 12-13-2005, 04:50 PM

Christmas is a very difficult time of year for everyone ... I'm not sure how to answer your question Mike other than to say, turn the other cheek and double your gift this year.

It may not make you feel better, the very same people will likely not offer a thank you, but you can never be too generous and it is always good to act as the Savior would despite your intentions.

MikeWaters · 12-13-2005, 05:28 PM

I can't afford to double my gift! I gave them a 40$ gift certificate last year.

This year I will give them something cheaper, but more meaningful. I know how to make it cheaper, and I'll figure out a way to think it meaningful!

The_Tick · 12-13-2005, 06:21 PM

They church helping out the same family every year.....

The family that has 2 new cars, a nice big house, their kids have better clothes than my kids.

Did I mention the Ipods and cell phones?

Yet every year, the same talk in PEC.....

FROSTS MY COOKIES!

realtall · 12-14-2005, 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

my advisor gave me some advice, that he had heard from Ross Perot. This is an approximate quote:

If you don't mind not getting credit, there's no limit to the good you can do.

That's easy for Ross to say, lol. Where I work(Perot Systems) there are long hallways where the walls are plastered with plaques, medals, & ribbons given to him by some organization or another.

Nobody Special · 12-14-2005, 03:05 AM

Isn't the reason for giving is to have charity? And we all know the definition of charity.

But if you give with the intent of getting something back, does it not defeat the purpose of the gift or service.

Last Christmas the Bishopric ask me to help deliver the sub for Santa gifts. It was the hardest and worst thing that they have ever ask me to do.

I couldn't do it, I had to get my wife to take them up to them. Which is quite surprising. One guy actually danced around and jumped for joy when she took them to him

And if they ask me to do it again this year I'll tell them no. Don't want that guilt again this year. Not to mention knowing who needs and gets them. I'd just as soon not know any of it and do my best to help out in other ways that I can.

We had the same discussion last week in Sunday School about helping those that have big screen tv's and such buy food. But, I like to think that if we do it without question no matter what the situation I'll be blessed for it. How ever hard it may be. And well I too struggle with it.

myboynoah · 12-14-2005, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Tick

They church helping out the same family every year.....

The family that has 2 new cars, a nice big house, their kids have better clothes than my kids.

Did I mention the Ipods and cell phones?

Yet every year, the same talk in PEC.....

FROSTS MY COOKIES!

Reminds me of a family in a former ward. The Church was paying for the father to go to the local community college to get a Nursing degree (you know, feed a man a fish, he eats for a day, teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime). We were paying his tuition, paying the rent, providing food, etc. He had a sweet deal (our Bishop was a well-known soft touch; needy folks would move into our ward for that reason). The family made its requisite once a month visit to church and even held some church callings.

I got really chapped when I overheard him talking about how he was going to take it easy the next semester and only take classes that interested him instead of pushing on to graduation. I really got pissed off when he asked my First Counselor (I was EQP) to go on a fishing trip off the Carolinas; cost was only $700. A nice image: my First Counselor is working two jobs to make ends meet (including tithing and FO) and can't afford the trip while this joker is living large off the Church.

Upon graduation, the family left the Church. He then left his family to pursue some internet love interest in Australia who took one look at his lard ass and sent him packing.

"Feed a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he screws you by doing it off the Carolina Coast on your dime."

MikeWaters · 12-14-2005, 11:50 AM

since becoming exec. secretary, I've had the notion there is a subclass in the church that moves from ward to ward living off of charity.

when certain demands are made (i.e. get a job) they leave for a different ward.

I think this must be the biggest drag of being a bishop. deciding how to handle dysfunctional people (dysfunctional both materially and spiritually).

12-13-2005, 02:46 PM	#1
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	Acts of unappreciated kindness my advisor gave me some advice, that he had heard from Ross Perot. This is an approximate quote: If you don't mind not getting credit, there's no limit to the good you can do. Last year our ward gave a lot of presents to a needy family that I hometeach. All the food and presents were at the Bishop's, I stuffed them in my car and called this family to drop them off. They said "not tonight." "some other time." So I called back the next day, and brought the stuff over. I also got them a decent gift certificate myself, which I said was from me and the other hometeacher. Well after all this, I never heard a word from them about it. No thank you, nothing. I'm not really one to hold a grudge, but the lack of normal social graces is kind of annoying. I recognize this as a symptom of their dysfunction, and not that they are inherently ungrateful people. Having said that, I am not feeling nearly as motivated this year. I think the gift value gets cut in half this year...

12-13-2005, 03:54 PM	#3
Archaea Assistant to the Regional Manager Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: The Orgasmatron Posts: 24,338	Isn't life difficult and grand? A person tries to do good deeds by offering acts of kindness. If our hearts are not quite right, we may receive no reward in terms of spirituality. Even if we do, sometimes the receiver isn't ready. Rarely do all things coincide well. __________________ Ἓν οἶδα ὅτι οὐδὲν οἶδα

12-13-2005, 06:21 PM	#6
The_Tick Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 626	Here is my problem.... They church helping out the same family every year..... The family that has 2 new cars, a nice big house, their kids have better clothes than my kids. Did I mention the Ipods and cell phones? Yet every year, the same talk in PEC..... FROSTS MY COOKIES! __________________ Spooooooon

12-14-2005, 03:05 AM	#8
Nobody Special Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ogden Posts: 53	Isn't the reason for giving is to have charity? And we all know the definition of charity. But if you give with the intent of getting something back, does it not defeat the purpose of the gift or service. Last Christmas the Bishopric ask me to help deliver the sub for Santa gifts. It was the hardest and worst thing that they have ever ask me to do. I couldn't do it, I had to get my wife to take them up to them. Which is quite surprising. One guy actually danced around and jumped for joy when she took them to him And if they ask me to do it again this year I'll tell them no. Don't want that guilt again this year. Not to mention knowing who needs and gets them. I'd just as soon not know any of it and do my best to help out in other ways that I can. We had the same discussion last week in Sunday School about helping those that have big screen tv's and such buy food. But, I like to think that if we do it without question no matter what the situation I'll be blessed for it. How ever hard it may be. And well I too struggle with it. __________________ Just a thought from Nobody Special. Go Cougars!

12-13-2005, 03:33 PM	#2
All-American Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 3,420	Not to say that yours is such an act, but often, acts of kindness are much more self-serving than selfless serving. If service is given because "it's that time of year," or to avoid that feeling of guilt that comes when you spend time and money on an activity in which you have fun, the person receiving service inevitably feels used. All that person is in the end is a spiritual prostitute-- you give them money and you go away feeling good about yourself. I've got home teachers like that-- it's pretty clear that the only reason they come by is to fulfill an assignment. They can't be righteous if they don't do their home teaching, after all. Acts of kindness often go unappreciated because the giver has already received his reward: a boost of self-righteousness and a good report to give the Elders Quorum President. I'm sure a lot of acts of kindness with good intentions are interpreted the same way.

12-13-2005, 04:50 PM	#4
tooblue Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 4,016	Christmas is a very difficult time of year for everyone ... I'm not sure how to answer your question Mike other than to say, turn the other cheek and double your gift this year. It may not make you feel better, the very same people will likely not offer a thank you, but you can never be too generous and it is always good to act as the Savior would despite your intentions.

12-13-2005, 05:28 PM	#5
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	I can't afford to double my gift! I gave them a 40$ gift certificate last year. This year I will give them something cheaper, but more meaningful. I know how to make it cheaper, and I'll figure out a way to think it meaningful!

12-14-2005, 11:50 AM	#10
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	since becoming exec. secretary, I've had the notion there is a subclass in the church that moves from ward to ward living off of charity. when certain demands are made (i.e. get a job) they leave for a different ward. I think this must be the biggest drag of being a bishop. deciding how to handle dysfunctional people (dysfunctional both materially and spiritually).