Why is it sometimes ok for dads to be gone so much?

[creekster]

Originally Posted by minn_stat

I actually tend to agree with Seattle Ute on this one.

I recently took a new position in a new company. I was quite happy in my old position, but a former consultant who worked for me recommended that they contact me about the job, so I thought I could at least listen. In the end, I took the new job. It was only effectively about a 10% raise, but what pulled us in was 1) a shorter commute, and 2) better vacation benefits. In short, I'll be able to spend more time with my family. Our new home that we'll move into next month is only 3 miles from my work, so I'll spend 10 minutes a day commuting (or 30 minutes riding my bike), instead of the 2 hours I spent commuting to my old job. That adds up to about an extra 9 hours a week to be with my family (or post on Cougarguard).

Dude unless your commute is uphill in the alps both ways you better be able.to ride three miles in less than 30 minutes. I assure you that you can do it at LEAST twice that fast.

[RC Vikings]

Originally Posted by creekster

Dude unless your commute is uphill in the alps both ways you better be able.to ride three miles in less than 30 minutes. I assure you that you can do it at LEAST twice that fast.

I bet me meant 30 minutes total for the day. Arch covers 15 miles in 30 minutes.

[minn_stat]

Originally Posted by creekster

Dude unless your commute is uphill in the alps both ways you better be able.to ride three miles in less than 30 minutes. I assure you that you can do it at LEAST twice that fast.

Originally Posted by RC Vikings

I bet me meant 30 minutes total for the day. Arch covers 15 miles in 30 minutes.

Yes, that is 30 minutes both ways. Although to be honest, I doubt I can do it that fast. I rode 8 miles last Saturday in 60 minutes, and was pretty beat.

You haven't seen either my bike, or me. I bought my bike for $25 at a garage sale about 5 years ago, and it was pretty beat up then.

I like riding, but rarely have done it for exercise. I mostly jog for exercise, but over the past five years, I've not done well on my exercise program.

[MikeWaters]

8mph in the flats. Finally, someone I am faster than!

[RedHeadGal]

Originally Posted by Cali Coug

You can almost certainly find his salary listed publicly.

I don't think saying "I am grateful my daddy works hard to provide for us" is the same as saying "I am grateful he is gone all the time." It may be showing gratitude for the sacrifice of the father in missing time with his kids in exchange for providing a financially good life for his kids. I would say cut the guy some slack. I doubt you know his situation as well as he does, and people frequently work a terrible job as a "downpayment" for a better job in the future that will be more lucrative and less time-consuming.

I'm not saying he shouldn't be grateful for his dad's sacrifice. As I said, I'm talking about the larger issue, and not so much about these individuals (the story is merely illustrative). You see, I don't think this 7 year-old independenly realizes the larger conclusion of "my dad is gone all the time because he is providing for our family and people in the ward" on his own. Someone--probably his mother--has to help him to get there. Which is fine, I guess.

He works really long hours because he's high up on the heirarchy at an important gov agency, and when you match that with a workaholic personality. . . I'm not at his home with a time clock. I am friends with this family and they have explained his hours to me that way. I also think they are fine with the situation because the mom is super controlling of the kids and their upbringing, and I think she'd rather do it her own way (wait for it, Mike--she homeschools them).

AGAIN, I am not judigng this family--that's not my point. My point is I don't think it's helpful to the larger society to stroke the backs of absentee fathers who are gone because they work all the time. It all grows out of that concept that mothers should be with the kids, and dad's provide for the family. It's not my ideal.

[RedHeadGal]

Originally Posted by ERCougar

I'm with RedHead on this one. I don't think it's wrong that the kid is thankful for his dad; I don't think she's making that point either. The point is, it's much more acceptable for a man to be an absentee father than for a woman to be an absentee mother. I don't think this is the intent of the Gospel, but I definitely think it's ingrained into the culture. I also think this is an issue that will become more prominent as the years go on and as it becomes increasingly difficult to raise a family on one salary.

My ideal situation (for the future): Both parents have careers flexible enough that they can both develop their skills individually and contribute to society, and have time and energy to devote to their family, always valuing family above their individual pursuits. This is the kind of situation I'm going to raise my daughter (and sons, but particularly daughter) to aim for.

Ding, ding, ding, ding! Yes, can you imagine a kid saying "I'm grateful that my mom travels around the world helping refugees because she provides an example of charity for my family." Or some such (people, it's a quick example).

I like your articulation of the ideal, but I don't know that we're anywhere near it--and certainly not within the LDS culture.

[marsupial]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

Farrah pointed out that this post could be construed as derogatory to Marsupial's mothering skills. Which is what intended.

Not!

That is, I did not mean to derog Marsupial's parenting skills.

No, it's OK. I think that it is already understood that you and I are far too busy with our roles as sex symbols to bother too much with parenting.

[SeattleUte]

Originally Posted by CardiacCoug

I'm not sure I buy the "fundamental issue related to the soul" stuff, but I agree that both parents need to spend as much time as is economically feasible with their kids.

I was referring to the soul in the larger sense, like when Einstein talked about God. I'm sure others here recognized that. Child rearing is indubitably an endeaveor where souls are at stake. How could anyone doubt that?

[bigpiney]

Originally Posted by Adam

This whole equal partner in raising the kids, dinner together around the table, throwing ball with Tommy after helping mom with the dishes, mentality is just crazy in the historical perspective.

It is too bad I am getting it all wrong. Maybe I need to start neglecting my family more.

[MikeWaters]

Originally Posted by bigpiney

It is too bad I am getting it all wrong. Maybe I need to start neglecting my family more.

the best way to do this is to be a lawyer.

not only that, you will be able to justify it best as a lawyer as well.