Why is it sometimes ok for dads to be gone so much?

[RedHeadGal]

I have mentioned I'm a primary teacher--kids turning 8. Last week, our lesson was about gratitude, and we were going around to the kids asking them to think of things they are grateful for.

Bishop's son (child #3 of 4 in the family) spontaneously said he's grateful his dad works so hard for their family that he has to be gone from early in the morning until late at night every day.

Bishop has a very demanding government job and reportedly works 15-hour days 6 days a week, in addition to fulfilling his Bishop responsibilities. He's clearly almost never home with his children during waking hours.

So what was interesting to me was the fact that his son must apparently be being taught that what his dad is doing is noble and important or some such. I don't understand this at all. Does it seem like we bend over backwards to support fathers doing all they can outside the home? Why do we not do all we can to support cooperative parenting instead of this kind of division?

[Levin]

Originally Posted by RedHeadGal

I have mentioned I'm a primary teacher--kids turning 8. Last week, our lesson was about gratitude, and we were going around to the kids asking them to think of things they are grateful for.

Bishop's son (child #3 of 4 in the family) spontaneously said he's grateful his dad works so hard for their family that he has to be gone from early in the morning until late at night every day.

Bishop has a very demanding government job and reportedly works 15-hour days 6 days a week, in addition to fulfilling his Bishop responsibilities. He's clearly almost never home with his children during waking hours.

So what was interesting to me was the fact that his son must apparently be being taught that what his dad is doing is noble and important or some such. I don't understand this at all. Does it seem like we bend over backwards to support fathers doing all they can outside the home? Why do we not do all we can to support cooperative parenting instead of this kind of division?

$ and security.

Also, your bishop could earn the same amount of money doing something else, but his government job must give him great satisfaction for him to stay there.

[MikeWaters]

Have you read "Proclamation on the Family"?

It's ingrained in the culture.

People who are underemployed are sneered at, while those who work incredible hours are lionized.

[Levin]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

Have you read "Proclamation on the Family"?

It's ingrained in the culture.

People who are underemployed are sneered at, while those who work incredible hours are lionized.

Wrong -- the Family Proclamation is not the source of this lionization. It focuses even more on joint parenting and family time.

It's b/c we value financial security so much.

[Surfah]

Originally Posted by RedHeadGal

I have mentioned I'm a primary teacher--kids turning 8. Last week, our lesson was about gratitude, and we were going around to the kids asking them to think of things they are grateful for.

Bishop's son (child #3 of 4 in the family) spontaneously said he's grateful his dad works so hard for their family that he has to be gone from early in the morning until late at night every day.

Bishop has a very demanding government job and reportedly works 15-hour days 6 days a week, in addition to fulfilling his Bishop responsibilities. He's clearly almost never home with his children during waking hours.

So what was interesting to me was the fact that his son must apparently be being taught that what his dad is doing is noble and important or some such. I don't understand this at all. Does it seem like we bend over backwards to support fathers doing all they can outside the home? Why do we not do all we can to support cooperative parenting instead of this kind of division?

I don't understand the issue here. I was one of these kids who had a federal government employee father and bishop. I never had issues with it or felt neglected as a youth. Maybe my siblings did as I was the eldest. I don't know that your suggestion of cooperative parenting is better. And what is cooperative parenting? Both parents working so one doesn't work as often as the other. This still doesn't alleviate the time a calling such as bishop requires either.

In my household my father was still very much a parent and went to great lengths to be there for us even when his work and calling required much of him. Maybe I was just fortunate.

[RedHeadGal]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

Have you read "Proclamation on the Family"?

It's ingrained in the culture.

People who are underemployed are sneered at, while those who work incredible hours are lionized.

Clearly. Someone is teaching a 7 yr old to be grateful he never sees his dad. And the people above Bishop level choose to keep him in his demanding church job on top of his demanding career.

It's just sad.

I have read the Proclamation. It does not hang in my home.

[Surfah]

Originally Posted by RedHeadGal

Clearly. Someone is teaching a 7 yr old to be grateful he never sees his dad. And the people above Bishop level choose to keep him in his demanding church job on top of his demanding career.

It's just sad.

I have read the Proclamation. It does not hang in my home.

Grateful he doesn't see his dad? I think that's a stretch.

[MikeWaters]

Personally, maybe people should just say no to callings.

I know of cases where people were passed over for callings because they were perceived as not having any time.

When I was called to be scoutmaster, I was a resident physican, with a demanding moonlighting schedule, working on a master's degree, with a small child at home and one on the way.

Maybe I should have said no. I certainly didn't spend a lot of time with my family at that point.

[UtahDan]

Originally Posted by RedHeadGal

Clearly. Someone is teaching a 7 yr old to be grateful he never sees his dad. And the people above Bishop level choose to keep him in his demanding church job on top of his demanding career.

It's just sad.

I have read the Proclamation. It does not hang in my home.

Maybe the people above him don't know this is the case. This is why there is an interview process before callings are extended and people have the opportunity to share details and ultimately say no. If it were otherwise callings could just be made from the pulpit.

[RedHeadGal]

Originally Posted by Surfah

I don't understand the issue here. I was one of these kids who had a federal government employee father and bishop. I never had issues with it or felt neglected as a youth. Maybe my siblings did as I was the eldest. I don't know that your suggestion of cooperative parenting is better. And what is cooperative parenting? Both parents working so one doesn't work as often as the other. This still doesn't alleviate the time a calling such as bishop requires either.

In my household my father was still very much a parent and went to great lengths to be there for us even when his work and calling required much of him. Maybe I was just fortunate.

I told you the kind of hours he works. He leaves before the kids get up and gets home after they are asleep(and doesn't always even go home) 6 days a week (and on the 7th, of course, is at church). The fact that it's a gov job means he can't make much $$. It's not possible in a gov job, though he has a prestigious position.

Cooperative parenting is where both parents care for and nurture their children. This concept is NOT embraced by the LDS culture at large and only slightly poked at by the larger society.