Help for Sex-Starved Wives

[Spaz]

Originally Posted by surfah33

This girl was a roommate of an ex-girlfriend of mine at BYU. I never heard this first hand but from my ex and the other roommates who shared all this with me. I don't know what ever became of the couple. But I do know that they had sex once a week at a designated time. This was the wife's compromise for her husband as each experience was traumatic for her. Now I won't suppose to know the ins and outs of their relationship or any past experiences that may have caused her to react this way, but from what she inferred it was because she couldn't compartmentalize something that she had been taught all her life was wrong and guarded herself against was right.

Now if I didn't know this couple personally I would have chalked this up as mormon myth.

I absolutely believe you. I've known too many prudes in my life.

I read an article on Webmd.com a few months back that talked about regular 'sex dates'. The article said it's a good idea when a couple's libidos don't match up well, as it relieves a lot of the stress involved with a) the 'woman' (read: partner who wants it less) feeling guilty for denying it & stressed about the potential of being begged all the time, and b) the 'man' feeling put out for being rejected.


It's important, IMO, to ensure at least some sexual compatibility with your future spouse. If there's certain hang-ups with one partner about sex, it's important to work those out beforehand...even if it means you end up parting ways.

[marsupial]

Originally Posted by surfah33

This girl was a roommate of an ex-girlfriend of mine at BYU. I never heard this first hand but from my ex and the other roommates who shared all this with me. I don't know what ever became of the couple. But I do know that they had sex once a week at a designated time. This was the wife's compromise for her husband as each experience was traumatic for her. Now I won't suppose to know the ins and outs of their relationship or any past experiences that may have caused her to react this way, but from what she inferred it was because she couldn't compartmentalize something that she had been taught all her life was wrong and guarded herself against was right.

Now if I didn't know this couple personally I would have chalked this up as mormon myth.

This woman needs therapy. You just can't blame her reaction on the church, after all, we were raised in the same church. It must come from craziness in her home or some anxiety disorder or something.

And did this couple not make out or anything while they were engaged? I was more worried about danimal and I messing up and not making it to the temple then I ever was about our actual wedding night. Finally having the permission to do what we'd been wanting to for those many months was a huge relief. I imagine most LDS engaged couples are the same. This couple is not the norm.

[Spaz]

Originally Posted by marsupial

This woman needs therapy. You just can't blame her reaction on the church, after all, we were raised in the same church. It must come from craziness in her home or some anxiety disorder or something.

And did this couple not make out or anything while they were engaged? I was more worried about danimal and I messing up and not making it to the temple then I ever was about our actual wedding night. Finally having the permission to do what we'd been wanting to for those many months was a huge relief. I imagine most LDS engaged couples are the same. This couple is not the norm.

I agree completely with this.

It's not the church's responsibility to teach kids a correct understanding of sexuality & it's place in one's life. It's the parent's responsibility to do so.

Expecting the church to do your dirty work for you is the height of irresponsibility.

[DrumNFeather]

Originally Posted by Spaz

I agree completely with this.

It's not the church's responsibility to teach kids a correct understanding of sexuality & it's place in one's life. It's the parent's responsibility to do so.

Expecting the church to do your dirty work for you is the height of irresponsibility.

Wasn't there a conference talk that emphasized this point as well?

[Spaz]

Originally Posted by DrumNFeather

Wasn't there a conference talk that emphasized this point as well?

From this April's conference? I missed it if there was.

[ute4ever]

Originally Posted by Spaz

It's not the church's responsibility to teach kids a correct understanding of sexuality & it's place in one's life.

Before I got married, my singles ward bishop gave my fiancee and I his wedding talk. Afterwards he told me that about 25% of the sisters who he gave that talk to had no clue about the very basic mechanics of how sex works.

[RedHeadGal]

Originally Posted by ute4ever

Before I got married, my singles ward bishop gave my fiancee and I his wedding talk. Afterwards he told me that about 25% of the sisters who he gave that talk to had no clue about the very basic mechanics of how sex works.

I find this deeply troubling. It's called anatomy. What more do you need to know about the mechanics?

And as for the female/cultural problems above, it seems although (so I hear) Mormon men are inherently sexy, Mormen young women are taught NOT to be sexy, whether they are inherently or not.

I still don't fully understand the way the marriage bridge crosses the chastity chasm--it's sort of weird to go from nothing really being permissible to suddenly being able to partake of all of the forbidden sexual delights at once.