My son and school

[marsupial]

Originally Posted by Surfah

You don't sound grateful.

As much of a pain as it is to get him to the games on Saturdays, it is worth getting him outside playing with kids and getting exercise. He gets bored with soccer. He'd rather build something or take something apart and figure out how it works than run around and kick a stupid ball.

[Surfah]

Originally Posted by marsupial

As much of a pain as it is to get him to the games on Saturdays, it is worth getting him outside playing with kids and getting exercise. He gets bored with soccer. He'd rather build something or take something apart and figure out how it works than run around and kick a stupid ball.

Buy him a tool set and calculator for Christmas. You have an engineer on your hands.

[landpoke]

Originally Posted by marsupial

RC, have you tried some sort of a reward system? Money talks you know. And if you offer smaller, but more frequent rewards, you may get results. (Offering a big reward at the end of a term for good grades only works for kids who are already motivated. It's mission impossible for for the rest.)

We do a reward system with our son. He's almost 7, so quite a bit younger, but rewards work for any age. He gets poker chips for good behavior at school, at church, doing his homework in a timely fashion, being kind to his sister, getting his chores done, etc. He can trade in his poker chips for computer time, TV time, trips to Sonic or Blockbuster or even Transformers and other toys when he saves up enough. (We also take away poker chips for bad behavior.) Your son is probably too old for the poker chip system, but you could probably come up with something similar that would appeal to him.

And thus was laid the foundation for his future gambling problem.

[BarbaraGordon]

RC, I agree with junkie. I would have him evaluated by a qualified professional. He's showing some symptoms of adult ADD.

In large measure due to rampant overdiagnosis, ADD is misunderstood by a lot of the general population. I was surprised to read when I was at the medical research foundation that it's an actual physiological disorder, involving suppressed presence of neurotransmitters in the brain. Up until I found out about that, I always kind of assumed ADD was either imaginary or due to bad parenting.

Anyhow, that's neither here nor there. You might have him checked out just because if nothing else, it would rule out one possible cause.

[SeattleUte]

Originally Posted by RC Vikings

My son who is a junior in high school is struggling once again. He seems to have a hard time focusing and settling in and getting the work done. I have tried everything from the hard ass route to a very kind and loving father. I'm running out of ideas and wondering if anybody here struggled terribly in high school or have children that did and what helped solve the problem.

Put him in an environment with better peers, where doing well in school is cool. At his age, your son is in the thrall of his peers.

[creekster]

Originally Posted by SeattleUte

Put him in an environment with better peers, where doing well in school is cool. At his age, your son is in the thrall of his peers.

This might work, but I bet it won't. My kids go to a school like this and my oldest reacted just like you might hope. My second, not so much. I am not sure if there is any answer to give except be patient, longsuffering, willing to withhold privileges and hoep they get the point through their thick teen age skull before it becomes too late to easily recover.

[RC Vikings]

Originally Posted by BarbaraGordon

RC, I agree with junkie. I would have him evaluated by a qualified professional. He's showing some symptoms of adult ADD.

In large measure due to rampant overdiagnosis, ADD is misunderstood by a lot of the general population. I was surprised to read when I was at the medical research foundation that it's an actual physiological disorder, involving suppressed presence of neurotransmitters in the brain. Up until I found out about that, I always kind of assumed ADD was either imaginary or due to bad parenting.

Anyhow, that's neither here nor there. You might have him checked out just because if nothing else, it would rule out one possible cause.

I've wondered about this. I believe they have some programs up on campus so I may check into them. This is a good kid, with good friends, all active, all planning on missions, he doesn't play video games at home, he's respectful to others, he's just can't settle down and get things done.

[Levin]

Originally Posted by RC Vikings

I've wondered about this. I believe they have some programs up on campus so I may check into them. This is a good kid, with good friends, all active, all planning on missions, he doesn't play video games at home, he's respectful to others, he's just can't settle down and get things done.

As your son's father, I'd share your concerns. As an ill-informed third-party, I'd say you have a very fine son on your hands. What it means to achieve and accomplish in modern life can be very stultifying and stupefying for some. As long as your son stays emotionally engaged with life and curious about the world around him, I'd say he'll find his way.

[minn_stat]

Originally Posted by tooblue

We had a rule growing up in my home -- you finished what you started, especially sports. We were not permitted to quit. A lot of that had to do with the fact that my parents made sacrifices to pay for the sports but it was also to teach us about life.

Early in our marriage my wife did not agree with that philosophy. I insisted and it's one of the few battles I have won My children are not permitted to quit, even if I have to drag them kicking and screaming.

I let my kids quit, whenever they want. My ten year odl wants to all the time. "That's fine", I say, "but you need to go to practice/lessons today so you can tell your coach/teacher that you are quitting....Oh, and you will need to reimburse mom and I for the money we've spent on this, so once you've reimbursed us, feel free to quit."

For some reason, he always changes his mind. But two weeks later, we go through the exact same routine again.