would you support your child's desire to be inactive?

[MikeWaters]

This is always a difficult issue, but esp. when a child is young. My priest quorum's advisor had an oldest son who was about 11, and was inactive. He refused to come to church and threw tantrums, etc. He was a real hellion.

This brother, from what I could tell, was deeply pained. It seeemed like he had already fought his son, and then was trying not to fight. This man was incredibly patient and good-natured with the priests, all of whom went on missions, and as far as I know, are all still active in the church.

This man is now a stake president (Idaho?). And his oldest son is in prison.

[TripletDaddy]

"support?" Likely no.

"tolerate," likely yes.

But that is easier said than done. My kids are only 3.5, so I am not fighting with them at every turn to go to seminary (early morning...none of this wussy release time garbage), go to Sunday School, don't leave the chapel to get donuts or fast food, etc..

It would be interesting to hear from the folks with older kids who may have already gone down this path...or are currently on it.

[Archaea]

It depends to what level my child took the effort not to go. Throw a tantrum, but still attended. I already endure that from time to time.

It might get to a level of tolerating but "supporting" never.

[MikeWaters]

THere is a scout in my troop. He has 4 older siblings, all out of the house. Only one is active. One left the church the minute she hit 18. One tried to talk one of my older scouts out of believing in the church. And one is just doing his own thing on his own at college, sans church. I asked the kid in my troop, what he planned to do when out of the house, whether he would be active. "Probably" he says.

He is frequently missing from YM's activities, because his parents prioritize his sports pursuits over church activies. Yeah, shocker.

I played as much sports as anyone, but I was active in scouts at the age of 12. So it's not like it can't be done.

[Archaea]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

THere is a scout in my troop. He has 4 older siblings, all out of the house. Only one is active. One left the church the minute she hit 18. One tried to talk one of my older scouts out of believing in the church. And one is just doing his own thing on his own at college, sans church. I asked the kid in my troop, what he planned to do when out of the house, whether he would be active. "Probably" he says.

He is frequently missing from YM's activities, because his parents prioritize his sports pursuits over church activies. Yeah, shocker.

I played as much sports as anyone, but I was active in scouts at the age of 12. So it's not like it can't be done.

It can be done, but it's difficult. My children miss some of those activities due to sports but sometimes they miss practices due to scouting.

[SeattleUte]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

This is always a difficult issue, but esp. when a child is young. My priest quorum's advisor had an oldest son who was about 11, and was inactive. He refused to come to church and threw tantrums, etc. He was a real hellion.

This brother, from what I could tell, was deeply pained. It seeemed like he had already fought his son, and then was trying not to fight. This man was incredibly patient and good-natured with the priests, all of whom went on missions, and as far as I know, are all still active in the church.

This man is now a stake president (Idaho?). And his oldest son is in prison.

The problem was not that his oldest son didn't go to church, but that he had the kind of relationship with his parents that, at 11, he felt he could make decisions like this for himself. I blame the parents 100% unless there's some psycholgical problem on the kid's part. This problem is not all that unusual for this generation of kids, and it represents a kind of neglect, and even abuse (to the extent neglect is abuse) by parents, to raise kids to think they have that much autonomy at such a young age. My parents weren't all that tough on discipline, but it wouldn't have crossed my mind at age 11 to refuse to go to church. That's the way it should be. Yes, shocker I know, but there are stake presidents out there who are lousy parents.

[myboynoah]

Originally Posted by SeattleUte

The problem was not that his oldest son didn't go to church, but that he had the kind of relationship with his parents that, at 11, he felt he could make decisions like this for himself. I blame the parents 100% unless there's some psycholgical problem on the kid's part. This problem is not all that unusual for this generation of kids, and it represents a kind of neglect, and even abuse (to the extent neglect is abuse) by parents, to raise kids to think they have that much autonomy at such a young age. My parents weren't all that tough on discipline, but it wouldn't have crossed my mind at age 11 to refuse to go to church. That's the way it should be. Yes, shocker I know, but there are stake presidents out there who are lousy parents.

There are times when your wisdom shines, and then others when it absolutely blasts away in full glory. Parents face this dilema everyday, be it church, school, piano practice, a day wasted on the Wii, etc. Whose in charge? Children hope it's the parents.

[jay santos]

Originally Posted by MikeWaters

This is always a difficult issue, but esp. when a child is young. My priest quorum's advisor had an oldest son who was about 11, and was inactive. He refused to come to church and threw tantrums, etc. He was a real hellion.

This brother, from what I could tell, was deeply pained. It seeemed like he had already fought his son, and then was trying not to fight. This man was incredibly patient and good-natured with the priests, all of whom went on missions, and as far as I know, are all still active in the church.

This man is now a stake president (Idaho?). And his oldest son is in prison.

I'm with SU here. A parent doesn't allow an 11 yo to make that decision. Even for an 11 yo to rebel that strongly tells me there's something weird going on at home.

Would I support a child going inactive? Not at age 11. Age 16? that's a lot different. Age 22? even more different.

There would be a reason a kid wants to go inactive. I would try to identify and address the need. But eventually would support them.

[MikeWaters]

The kid was a bad seed. I think all of his other kids have ended up fine. He was a hellion, a literal Cain.

I'm not talking about a merely rebellious kid. I'm talking about a child bent on destroying a family.

[Ma'ake]

Not addressing the issue of the 11 year old, I think some of the apparent binary decision faced by many is there is no real middle ground... you're either 100% among the faithful, or you're wayward, or clearly on the road to that negative predicament.

We don't go to our church every week (probably half or 3/4 time), but our family doesn't feel marginalized for it. Relative puritanism causes many to bolt at the first opportunity. (It's interesting to note which kids inside a family are more prone to choose to leave... it seems a personality issue as much as anything else.)