Words Women Use

[RockyBalboa]

Someone sent me an email today with this title and the following words and the definitions of them. Well I decided to do my own definitions of these words.

Please share with the rest your definitions.

I have my own definitions of these words:

FINE - What they say when they're exasperated. It's either a word of resignation or their indicator that the argument is over

FIVE MINUTES - Grab the remote and a drink. It's gonna be a while. See also: I'M COMING, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE and HOLD ON

NOTHING - This means you're gonna pay later. Be fully prepared for the manipulative lip-quiver crying theatrics that will soon follow. The kind where your day was going great and suddenly 2 hours later you're going...."What the hell?", becoming ever more convinced that she needs psychiatric help.

GO AHEAD - This is also a fairly accurate definition. This word is a clear warning for the later lines of "I told you so" and various other manipulative phrases used to make you feel guilty for supposedly not making her #1.

LOUD SIGH - This is a sucker move. She's daring you to ask what's wrong so she can berate the shit out of you and then claim it's you fault for bringing it up, even though her non-verbal language is very clear she wants your attention.

THATS OKAY - If this line is used...then this is something you can always filter through the "truth machine". Basically she's telling you that..."Hell no, it's no okay".

THANKS - I am not famaliar with this term.

WHATEVER - It's her admission that she has not made a rational or logical decision,,,,knows she hasn't and doesn't care and the fact that she knows it makes it even less rational. When an argument ever gets to this point...you know that NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.....you've lost......because let's face it...eventually you'll apologize later even if you know you're right.

[il Padrino Ute]

The following should be required reading for all women:

The Rules - According to Guys
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.