Why people go inactive - cougarguard.com — unofficial BYU Cougars / LDS sports, football, basketball forum and message board

cougjunkie · 01-03-2006, 10:59 PM

so someone in my close immediate family is very very inactive in the church, i wouldnt say they are anti but just inactive so i asked there reasoning behind it and this is what i was told:

"every time i go to church, start paying my tithing, go to priesthood and do the things I am supposed to do, something bad happens to either me or my family, the last three times i have gone back to church me either me or my wife have lost our jobs, got sick, or been stricken with some sort of grief or illness"

So i kept talking ot him about some other things. Here are a few examples:

"we moved out to Utah from California i had a good job out here as did my wife we were trying to make a better life for our kids, the day we get here we are moving in to our house I slip on the sidewalk and break my leg, i had to have surgery and have pins placed in my leg and was unable to walk for a year, which means i was unable to work. We lost our house due to a lack of income and moved to a smaller house, and lose our car in the process"

So he said they become active in the church again after moving to this smaller house and starting over, he gets a good job, his wife finds a good job and they are back on there feet and get another new house, after about 6 months they are becoming very active in the church again full tithes payers doing all the things they should, when he is told he has congestive heart failure. He has medical bills that pile up to well over 50k and out of the blue is fired because his boss said, due to his heart problems, he is worried he wont be able to attend work everyday. Since Utah is a right to work state there is nothing he can do about being fired. So once again the cycle starts over. His kids now at this point both have full time jobs while still in highschool trying to support the family. He goes to the doctor and the doctor says do to his heart he can not work and to apply for social security, this man is 44 years old. So this time they can not afford anything more than an apartment in a pretty bad part of town. There kids are 16 and 18 boy and girl and end up sharing a room. Both working full time to support there family. Mom is working two jobs as well.

Finally the father starts to get better, he applies for social security after 18 months gets it, his wife goes back to school at nights and gets he degree, they start going to church, paying there tithing, they receive callings there kids are both moved out and going to college. When the father has a heart attack, this causes lots of stress on the family and mom has a nervous breakdown ending up in the hospital, the kids come home from school to help take care of the family.

Once again after about 3 years things are looking up again, Dad is healthy no signs of heart ailments and mom has a very very good job making close to 6 figures, the problem is Dad is very very scared and wont attend church fearing that something might happen. What do you tell someone in a situation like this? How can they restore there faith?

Also just so you know this is the story of my family.

Indy Coug · 01-03-2006, 11:02 PM

It appears to be very simple to me: the Lord is testing them if they'll be faithful in good times and bad.

Rickomatic · 01-03-2006, 11:23 PM

I do not believe that the Lord is testing them. He has a plan for this family, but for Heavenly Father to test is beyond his desires for his children. He may allow the Satan the capacity to temp and he may even allow Satan the chance try to destroy, but the Lord will step in when he feels it has gone too far. The Lord did not temp or curse Job, but he allowed Satan to, knowing what Job could with stand. A truly magnificent sword must be worked and molded by fire and hammer to reach it ultimate strength.

SteelBlue · 01-04-2006, 12:04 AM

I'd tell them that "Stuff Happens". The fact that bad things have happened several times while they were beginning activity in the church again is likely purely coincidental. If they wait long enough, bad things will happen again whether they are in the church or not.

The church can provide good strategies both spiritually and temporally for dealing with the types of difficulties that they've experienced. I'd focus on the benefits of having the church in your life during those difficult times.

mpfunk · 01-04-2006, 12:31 AM

From my own personal experience I can honestly say that going back to church has made several of my problems not only worse, but have made them significantly worse. It also may provide someday a solution to them so I will keep going and doing the things that I feel are right. Also my opinion is that in his situation is probably just coincidence that this stuff keeps on happening.

Archaea · 01-04-2006, 12:42 AM

she's LDS.

fuegote · 01-04-2006, 12:43 AM

I always take it as a test as well. A test from God, a trial from Satan, never forget there's an eternal battle for your soul. Remember Elder Scott's talk in General Conference about the Lord providing us trials to stretch us and help us grow. That's what I atribute it too.

Remember the people of Alma in the land of Mormon, when they head preist of King Noah had the people under watch. They weren't living unrightously, in fact they were pretty good to begin with, but they asked for streangth to bear and sustain their trials.

Also think of Mosiah 3:19, that talks about the natural man. Don't forget this part, "willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him."

I think in the original case there's some coincidence but I feel if they continued going to church, praying and asking the Lord to help them bear the burden, that He (Christ) would have helped them make their load less hard to bear.

MikeWaters · 01-04-2006, 12:59 AM

I think you either believe in it or you don't. It's a matter of faith.

It seems that members of your family are lacking in faith, in the same sense that a sign-seeker does. If something good happens, then it is true. If something bad happens, it is not true. It is dangerous to rely on external events in order to determines ones beliefs and course of events.

I sprained my ankle so bad in May that I couldn't run for 3 months. I had appendicitis in June. I had a scare that I might have cancer in spine in July. These things happen to the best of people (not that I am the best of people).

We will all die. Most of us will get very sick also. We will all lose people close to us. It's part of life. God will not prevent this from happening.

ute4ever · 01-04-2006, 01:05 AM

When crap happens to me, I try to keep the following perspective:

Crap happens to everyone, regardless of whether they are mormon or athiest, active or inactive, male or female, white or black. Keeping a close relationship with God is a means of making those situations more bearable, not a ticket to a life of ease.

When things really start piling up, I stop and look at what life is like elsewhere. Then I want to slap myself. Here I am, a caucasian male living in the United States, with the restored priesthood in the latter days, with my health, an education, democracy, air conditioning, and more opportunity than 99% of the world. Could things possibly get any worse?

fuegote · 01-04-2006, 01:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ute4ever

When crap happens to me, I try to keep the following perspective:

Crap happens to everyone, regardless of whether they are mormon or athiest, active or inactive, male or female, white or black. Keeping a close relationship with God is a means of making those situations more bearable, not a ticket to a life of ease.

When things really start piling up, I stop and look at what life is like elsewhere. Then I want to slap myself. Here I am, a caucasian male living in the United States, with the restored priesthood in the latter days, with my health, an education, democracy, air conditioning, and more opportunity than 99% of the world. Could things possibly get any worse?

awesome!

01-03-2006, 10:59 PM	#1
cougjunkie Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Utah Posts: 5,741	Why people go inactive so someone in my close immediate family is very very inactive in the church, i wouldnt say they are anti but just inactive so i asked there reasoning behind it and this is what i was told: "every time i go to church, start paying my tithing, go to priesthood and do the things I am supposed to do, something bad happens to either me or my family, the last three times i have gone back to church me either me or my wife have lost our jobs, got sick, or been stricken with some sort of grief or illness" So i kept talking ot him about some other things. Here are a few examples: "we moved out to Utah from California i had a good job out here as did my wife we were trying to make a better life for our kids, the day we get here we are moving in to our house I slip on the sidewalk and break my leg, i had to have surgery and have pins placed in my leg and was unable to walk for a year, which means i was unable to work. We lost our house due to a lack of income and moved to a smaller house, and lose our car in the process" So he said they become active in the church again after moving to this smaller house and starting over, he gets a good job, his wife finds a good job and they are back on there feet and get another new house, after about 6 months they are becoming very active in the church again full tithes payers doing all the things they should, when he is told he has congestive heart failure. He has medical bills that pile up to well over 50k and out of the blue is fired because his boss said, due to his heart problems, he is worried he wont be able to attend work everyday. Since Utah is a right to work state there is nothing he can do about being fired. So once again the cycle starts over. His kids now at this point both have full time jobs while still in highschool trying to support the family. He goes to the doctor and the doctor says do to his heart he can not work and to apply for social security, this man is 44 years old. So this time they can not afford anything more than an apartment in a pretty bad part of town. There kids are 16 and 18 boy and girl and end up sharing a room. Both working full time to support there family. Mom is working two jobs as well. Finally the father starts to get better, he applies for social security after 18 months gets it, his wife goes back to school at nights and gets he degree, they start going to church, paying there tithing, they receive callings there kids are both moved out and going to college. When the father has a heart attack, this causes lots of stress on the family and mom has a nervous breakdown ending up in the hospital, the kids come home from school to help take care of the family. Once again after about 3 years things are looking up again, Dad is healthy no signs of heart ailments and mom has a very very good job making close to 6 figures, the problem is Dad is very very scared and wont attend church fearing that something might happen. What do you tell someone in a situation like this? How can they restore there faith? Also just so you know this is the story of my family.

01-03-2006, 11:23 PM	#3
Rickomatic Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: West Jordan UT Posts: 319	I do not believe that the Lord is testing them. He has a plan for this family, but for Heavenly Father to test is beyond his desires for his children. He may allow the Satan the capacity to temp and he may even allow Satan the chance try to destroy, but the Lord will step in when he feels it has gone too far. The Lord did not temp or curse Job, but he allowed Satan to, knowing what Job could with stand. A truly magnificent sword must be worked and molded by fire and hammer to reach it ultimate strength. __________________ "Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." Mark Twain

01-04-2006, 12:42 AM	#6
Archaea Assistant to the Regional Manager Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: The Orgasmatron Posts: 24,338	mp date your avatar, she's winking and she's LDS. __________________ Ἓν οἶδα ὅτι οὐδὲν οἶδα

01-04-2006, 12:43 AM	#7
fuegote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 724	I always take it as a test as well. A test from God, a trial from Satan, never forget there's an eternal battle for your soul. Remember Elder Scott's talk in General Conference about the Lord providing us trials to stretch us and help us grow. That's what I atribute it too. Remember the people of Alma in the land of Mormon, when they head preist of King Noah had the people under watch. They weren't living unrightously, in fact they were pretty good to begin with, but they asked for streangth to bear and sustain their trials. Also think of Mosiah 3:19, that talks about the natural man. Don't forget this part, "willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him." I think in the original case there's some coincidence but I feel if they continued going to church, praying and asking the Lord to help them bear the burden, that He (Christ) would have helped them make their load less hard to bear. __________________ http://www.cavaliersbrigade.com home of the greatest fans in MLS.

01-03-2006, 11:02 PM	#2
Indy Coug Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Between Iraq and a hard place Posts: 7,569	It appears to be very simple to me: the Lord is testing them if they'll be faithful in good times and bad.

01-04-2006, 12:04 AM	#4
SteelBlue Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Norcal Posts: 5,821	I'd tell them that "Stuff Happens". The fact that bad things have happened several times while they were beginning activity in the church again is likely purely coincidental. If they wait long enough, bad things will happen again whether they are in the church or not. The church can provide good strategies both spiritually and temporally for dealing with the types of difficulties that they've experienced. I'd focus on the benefits of having the church in your life during those difficult times.

01-04-2006, 12:31 AM	#5
mpfunk Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 2,619	From my own personal experience I can honestly say that going back to church has made several of my problems not only worse, but have made them significantly worse. It also may provide someday a solution to them so I will keep going and doing the things that I feel are right. Also my opinion is that in his situation is probably just coincidence that this stuff keeps on happening.

01-04-2006, 12:59 AM	#8
MikeWaters Demiurge Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 36,365	I think you either believe in it or you don't. It's a matter of faith. It seems that members of your family are lacking in faith, in the same sense that a sign-seeker does. If something good happens, then it is true. If something bad happens, it is not true. It is dangerous to rely on external events in order to determines ones beliefs and course of events. I sprained my ankle so bad in May that I couldn't run for 3 months. I had appendicitis in June. I had a scare that I might have cancer in spine in July. These things happen to the best of people (not that I am the best of people). We will all die. Most of us will get very sick also. We will all lose people close to us. It's part of life. God will not prevent this from happening.

01-04-2006, 01:05 AM	#9
ute4ever I must not tell lies Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 5,103	When crap happens to me, I try to keep the following perspective: Crap happens to everyone, regardless of whether they are mormon or athiest, active or inactive, male or female, white or black. Keeping a close relationship with God is a means of making those situations more bearable, not a ticket to a life of ease. When things really start piling up, I stop and look at what life is like elsewhere. Then I want to slap myself. Here I am, a caucasian male living in the United States, with the restored priesthood in the latter days, with my health, an education, democracy, air conditioning, and more opportunity than 99% of the world. Could things possibly get any worse?